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The Handy Squad

Fiction by Spurtz

Jill, Charli, and Amanda were three teen high school girls. They had been close friends since grade school. They all lived in the same neighborhood. They shared all their secrets with each other and it soon became obvious that all three had an unusual interest in cocks. Sure, they had seen plenty of photos and videos on line but all three agreed that was nothing compared to actually touching and feeling a hard dick.

The Handy Squad

All three had some minor experience with cocks. Jill had a regular boyfriend and every time they were necking and making out, he would put her hand on his hard dick through his pants. He was too shy to take it out and she was equally too shy to ask him to show it.

Charli had gone with a date to a notorious lover’s lane where many high schoolers parked to make out. After much kissing and hugging, her date got one of her tits freed and was sucking on it. He unzipped his pants and was in the process of freeing his hard-on when Charli noticed two guys shining a flashlight in an adjacent car. She told her date and they both frantically tried to get decent. Her date had just zipped up his pants when two cops appeared at the side window shining a flashlight in the open window. “Time to go home, kids,” the cop told them.

That event scared them both so badly that no further attempt at sex took place.

Amanda made it a bit farther along with her date. He got his cock out and placed her hand on it. After just a few furtive movements of her hand, he ejaculated several spurts of cum all over his pants and shirt. Some got on her hand. She had heard that teen boys could be quick on the trigger but this was ridiculous. The boy was mortified and nothing was ever attempted again.

The three girls shared these stories. Jill and Charli wanted to know what Amanda’s date’s cock looked like but she said it was so dark she couldn’t really tell. This started what became almost an obsession with the three teens to have some actual contact with an erect cock. They endlessly talked about schemes to achieve contact with hard cocks but all the various ideas were discarded as either unrealistic or had the potential to have them branded as sluts at school.

Finally, Jill came up with a unique idea. She had a part time summer job at a local AARP office. Plus she was super handy with a computer. She tapped in to the AARP member database and got the names, addresses, and phone numbers of all members between the ages of 60 and 70 who lived in their ZIP code and were single or divorced. She came up with nearly 50 names. Jill proposed that they approach these older men and propose to give them a free handjob. Jill said this could almost be viewed as a public service as chances were that the only sex they were getting was with their own hand.

“But,” Charli objected, “who wants to play with some shriveled up old dick?”

“I’ve done some reading up on it,” responded Jill, “and what I’ve learned is that as a guy ages there is almost no change in his dick. It looks basically the same at 60 as it did at 15. Just bigger. And bigger is always better.”

“But some of these old guys are going to be fat and gross,” said Amanda. “I don’t want to be jerking off some old fat guy.”

Jill had an answer for that. “If we go to the dude’s door and he turns out to be fat and gross or too ugly, we just tell him we are collecting donations for the Girl Scouts. He’ll probably turn us down and we just leave.”

After much more discussion the three decided to give it a try.

The girls chose to wear their school uniforms. The uniforms were plaid skirts, which were surprisingly short, white blouses with a little red ribbon at the neck, knee-high white socks, and black Mary Jane shoes. The girls thought this was a good idea as the outfits made them look about 13 or 14 and they figured that would get the old guys to get a hard-on that much quicker. They decided to call themselves “The Handy Squad.”

They went over the addresses they had and crossed out any that were in a poor neighborhood. They figured it was best to limit themselves to upper middle class or upper class addresses. They elected to start with addresses that were within walking distance or a convenient bus ride. Nothing too close to home. They thought that some of the men might be interested in a return visit so they set up an anonymous email address where they could be contacted. The first visit would be free but return visits would be $100. They also decided that any man they contacted would have to agree to a quick shower before they gave him their treatment. If they were going to play with a guy’s cock, they wanted that to be a nice clean cock.

When they headed out to their first address, they all admitted to being scared and nervous. They weren’t concerned about being attacked or raped as they figured with three of them, there was safety in numbers. But what they were doing was pretty bold stuff for three 17-year old teens.

They arrived at a very nice upscale home and rang the doorbell. They were all relieved to see the door answered by a nice looking older man who was casually dressed in nice clothes. Jill had been selected as the spokesperson for the group. They had agreed that if any of the girls objected to the guy, they would give a quick little shake of their head before Jill said anything. Jill looked at both of her mates and they were both smiling.

“Hi,” Jill said, “we are the Handy Squad and are providing free handy’s to older gentlemen like yourself as a public service.”

“Free is usually good,” the man replied, “but I’m afraid I don’t know what a handy is. Can you be more specific?” Jill was a bit taken aback with this response. “Well, it’s a handjob. That’s all,” she said.

“You young girls are offering handjobs?” the guy replied with shock on his face. “I could go to jail having sex with girls as young as you.”

“We’re in Pennsylvania and the legal age of consent is 16. We are all 17 so there is no problem. We all have I.D. cards with our photo and age that we can show you but we will have to cover up our names and addresses for obvious reasons.”

“Well, if you say you are 17, I believe you, but you sure look younger than that. OK, what’s the catch? How much are you charging?”

“No charge. Our only requirement is that you take a shower before we start,” responded Charli.

“Well, hell, let’s get started. Come on in. Get yourself a soft drink out of the fridge while I take that shower”

Ten minutes later he called out that he was ready and waiting in the bedroom. The girls looked at each other. If they were going to back out, now was the time. They smiled and Amanda said “Let’s go upstairs.”

When they got to the bedroom Mr. Johnson was standing there in the nude. His penis was jutting out, already about half hard, probably in anticipation of what was coming. The girls had decided beforehand that part of their routine was to complement the men on their cocks. They begin by telling him what a nice penis he had and how much they were looking forward to jacking him off. The girls told him that this was all new to them and they needed his instructions on things they could do to his cock that made him feel good. They had him lay back on the bed and Jill explained what was going to happen.

“I’m going to be the first to jack your cock. Then Charli is going to take over and Amanda will finish you off. Each of us will take about ten minutes stroking your penis. So the total treatment will last about 30 minutes. Any time you think you might be about to cum, you must say something and we will back off. You have to make it last until Amanda finishes you off. This is important. While we are working you over we want your instructions on what we can do to make it feel better. Please be patient with us as you are the first man we have ever masturbated and we want it to be great for you. After you’ve cum, we will clean you up and take several minutes to make sure your cock is nice and clean. Charli has a packet of washcloths we brought along specifically for clean-up purposes. We feel a thorough clean-up is important rather than walking off and leaving you covered in cum.”

“Are you girls going to get undressed?” he wanted to know. “No,” replied Jill, “this isn’t about us. It’s all about your hard cock. You’ve probably never had three cute teens jack you off before and we want this to be the best handy you’ve ever had.”

With that, Jill climbed onto the bed and got between his legs. Finally, she thought, my first real penis and it’s a nice one. She estimated it was maybe six and a half inches long and fairly thick. He was circumcised and had a very attractive cockhead that had a nice purple color. She really wasn’t expecting an old guy to have such a rock hard prick but of course she had no basis for comparison. She had felt her boyfriend’s dick through his pants but she didn’t think it ever felt this hard. She had seen numerous handjobs given on the internet so she roughly knew what to do. She lightly gripped his nuts with her left hand and started jacking his rock hard cock with the other. Over the thirty minutes that the three teens stroked the man’s cock he had given them a number of instructions. One was placing the palm of their hand on the tip of his dick and rubbing it back and forth in a circular motion. Another was steepling their fingers and sliding them down over his cock head which stimulated the coronal ridge, a very sensitive area. And of course he showed them how to pay special attention the frenulum area, even explaining that an ejaculation could be coaxed out just by rubbing that area.

When it was Charli’s turn she was thrilled. She had had many fantasies imagining what it would be like to actually have a nice erect dick in her hands and it was even more exciting than she had dreamed. She couldn’t take her eyes off of that throbbing cock. It was like the guy didn’t even exist, just his dick. He had to stop her a couple of times because he was on the verge of cumming. But even when she had to stop jerking him off, she couldn’t let go of that wonderful cock. She was hooked on dicks for sure.

Then Amanda moved into position and took over. Charli hated to let go of Mr. Johnson’s cock but it was Amanda’s turn. The girls had decided that they would take turns being last as they moved on to other men, so that all three would get to experience actually bringing on the ejaculation. Amanda pumped away really enjoying watching the bulbous red head of his cock disappear and then reappear out of her fist. She knew he was close as his body started jerking in little convulsions. He blurted out, “When I start to cum, don’t stop. In fact grip harder and go faster.” She was already aware of this because all three girls had read everything they could find on handjobs and she knew that many women would stop pumping or even let go when the cum started shooting and that this really ruined the orgasm for the man.

Even though Amanda’s full ten minutes of jerking was not up, it was pretty obvious that Mr. Johnson had arrived at the point where even if she had stopped, he was going to cum. As his orgasm neared, he cried out “Tighter, faster,” and Amanda did just that. Without any warning the cum started spurting out of the man’s cock. Very forceful streams shot up his chest and onto his face. Amanda was a bit shocked because she really wasn’t expecting so much cum. It was at least twice what her boyfriend had ejaculated in her one previous experience. She kept on pumping as her two teammates screamed with pleasure as they watched stream after stream of semen jetting from Johnson’s cock. Amanda dutifully kept jacking until there was no more cum to have. She finally let go of his dick and picked up one of the handcloths and wiped her hands first. Then she delicately took hold of his wilting penis and wiped all the semen off and then wiped his chest and even his face. She noticed that his dick had a thin string of semen drooling from the tip and she went back and cleaned that up.

Johnson lay on the bed, totally wiped out. His dick was bright red from the beating the girls had given it. “Omigod, girls,” he gasped, “that was the best handjob I’ve ever had in my entire life. Can I get you to come back and do it again. In fact, if you give me a few minutes to rest, I’d like to do it again right now.”

Jill answered. “We can’t do it now, we have to get home. We can come back but seconds cost $100. First handy is free.”

“Cost is not an issue. It would be the best $100 I ever spent. What I would like to do is set up weekly visits at $100 each. In fact, make it $200, and if all three of you will get undressed while jacking me off, I’ll make it $300. What do you say?”

“We need to talk it over and will get back to you. We have your phone number,” answered Jill. “But let me warn you, if we agree to get undressed, it’s just for looking. No fucking.”

“How about blowjobs?” he countered. I could go $500 a week if all three would take turns blowing me.”

Unknown to the girls, he couldn’t hire a decent hooker for a blowjob for $500 but to them it was a lot of money.

Jill thought that this guy must have plenty of money to spend that much weekly. “None of us have ever sucked a cock before,” she said. “We really need to discuss it and let you know.”

The girls said their goodbyes and told him how much they enjoyed jacking him off and seeing him spurt. He was overjoyed that they had searched him out and explained how he thought his sex life was over and that having the experience with them was one of the most wonderful things that had ever happened to him.

As the girls walked home they joyfully discussed what they just had experienced. They all raved about the opportunity to see a real penis in the flesh and to jack it and watch it spurt. They talked about how many more names were on the list and although the offer for repeat performances with Mr. Johnson was greatly appreciated, the thought of many more different cocks was also very appealing.

Being the realist in the group, Charli pointed out that it didn’t have to be one or the other. They could do both. The only possible fly in the ointment was their time was not always their own. They had parents. It might be difficult to set up weekly meetings with Mr. Johnson where all three girls would be available. “How do you feel about sucking his cock and being totally naked?” asked Jill.

Amanda responded, “I don’t mind going naked. You know he will try to grab our tits and maybe get his fingers in our pussies. I can handle that. And he does have a really nice dick. I could picture myself sucking it as long as he doesn’t cum in my mouth.”

“That would be gross,” replied Jill, “although I see a lot of women on the internet taking a load in their mouth and loving it. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. But if we agree to his deal, we could make a rule of no cum in our mouths. Anyway, we don’t have to make a decision right now. I’m looking forward to the next guy on our list. Variety is the spice of life, they say. The more dicks I can jack off, the better.“

Author’s note: You probably already figured it out but this story is a fantasy.

The Handy Squad – Part 2

Continuing the fantasy…..

The three 17 year old high school girls who made up The Handy Squad had made it their goal to approach a different older man each week and offer to provide him a free handjob. The initial contact had proven so successful with Mr. Johnson, who turned out to be quite wealthy, that he was willing to pay them a substantial amount of money to see him once each week and get him off. However, he had some special conditions which they had discussed at length as to whether or not they wanted to agree. One condition was that they all be nude. All three girls had really nice athletic bodies and weren’t afraid to show them off so that was not a problem. Jill had some concerns that Mr. Johnson would try to grab their tits or get his fingers in their bare pussies but both Charli and Amanda were confident they could handle that issue. The other condition was that all three girls would take turns sucking his cock. Again, all three were ok with that as long as he didn’t cum in their mouth and Mr. Johnson agreed with that.

None of the girls had ever sucked a dick before so they were looking forward to this new experience.

Their original plan was to meet the men on a school day. They wanted to wear their school uniforms which made them look even younger than they were. Their school let out at 3 pm and their parents usually didn’t get home from work until 5:30 or 6 pm. Jill and Charli both had single moms and Amanda’s parents both worked. So the girls could leave right from school and have about three hours to meet different older men and jack them off. And still get home before any parents did.

When they first started The Handy Squad they had addresses for older single men who were within walking distance or a short bus ride. They decided to meet Mr. Johnson for his weekly session on the weekends because they could always come up with some excuse to be gone for a two or three hours while they worked over Mr. Johnson’s hard cock.

The first repeat session with Mr. Johnson went extremely well. He was a really nice older guy who was very respectful to the three girls and never made any weird demands. Jill was the first of the three to take his cock in her mouth. None of the girls had ever sucked a dick before but both Jill and Charli took to it very quickly. They both discovered that it was something they really enjoyed. Amanda initially just tolerated it but as the weeks went by, she learned to look forward to having Mr. Johnson’s hard cock in her mouth. Jill knew it was just a matter of time before one of them took a blowjob too far and ended up with a load of cum in their mouth. The three of them had discussed it and all three had decided that they kind of looked forward to the experience since it would be a new experience.

They settled into a routine of hitting a new guy one day each week. A second weekday was set aside for repeats as nearly every guy wanted a repeat performance. The original plan was to charge $100 for a repeat performance but so many men requested repeats that they raised the price to $200. Coupled with the $500 Mr. Johnson was paying each week gave them enough money to pay an Uber to take them around so they didn’t have to walk or ride a bus. With plenty left over.

The men that came after Mr. Johnson were not all a winner like he was. One guy refused their services totally as he thought it was some kind of scam to blackmail him. Another guy couldn’t get fully hard although he did get hard enough that they eventually made him cum. Two guys were gay so that was a no-go. And one guy was a religious nut who went on a rant about what they were doing was an abomination under God and also illegal. They didn’t bother to argue the point but they were in Pennsylvania where the legal age of consent is 16 and as long as it was a free service, they weren’t breaking any laws. The repeat fee was probably illegal but who was going to complain? Anyway they told the guy they would stop what they were doing and repent their sins to shut him up before he called the cops. Even though the cops wouldn’t do anything because they weren’t breaking the law, they were afraid the cops would tell their parents.

But they also had many successes and learned even more about how to give a world class handjob. One guy introduced them to the use of a lubricant. Which they really liked and made it a point to always carry a bottle of K-Y with them on all future visits. Another guy tried to talk them into fingering his butthole while they jacked his cock but they thought that was gross. Until two more men suggested the same thing, so they decided to give it a try. That became part of their jackoff routine to the enjoyment of their partners.

About the fifth or sixth guy they successfully approached was Mr. Pirelli. He was a really good looking older dude. Very distinguished looking and lived in what was literally a mansion. He was extremely enthused about their offer. They later learned that he had a very active sex life but he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have three cute teens jack off his penis. And what a penis is was. Jill thought it was the most beautiful cock she had ever seen and the other two agreed. Not only was it beautiful but it was very large. They all thought it had to be at least eight inches long and very thick. And extremely hard.

The girls, who all had an obsession with hard cocks, literally worshipped Mr. Pirelli’s monster dick. He insisted the girl’s call him Don. After the three took turns jacking his rock hard throbbing prick to a monster cum, they couldn’t leave it alone. They took turns taking a long time to clean up the cum and wipe his still firm penis dry. As they cleaned him up a small drop of semen appeared at the tip of his cock and Charli leaned in and licked it off. Then the other two girls touched their tongue to his dick and all three lapped away. His prick responded as expected and this time the girls each took turns sucking his throbbing monster. Even though he had just cum, after five weeks of sucking Mr. Johnson’s cock, they were all talented cocksuckers and it wasn’t long before Don was ready to blow again.

Jill was the one sucking him at the time and she could tell he was on the verge of filling her mouth and throat with jism. And she wanted it. Knowing she could make him cum gave her a huge feeling of accomplishment and power. She jammed a finger up his ass and grabbed his nuts with the other hand as her lips flew up and down the length of his giant prick. She was the only one of the three who had mastered the art of deep throat and she had Don’s cock down her throat as far as it would go. As her head bobbed up and down she felt his body tense up and he grabbed her head with both hands and guided her bobbing head to the exact rhythm he needed to achieve orgasm. She felt his cock pulse as the semen coursed its way up the length of his prick and his balls twitched in her hand. Finally her goal was reached as spurt after powerful spurt of Don’s cum shot down her throat. As fast as the cum came, Jill swallowed and swallowed. For a second she was afraid it was more than she could handle and a bit did squirt out of her mouth. But she managed to take most of the load down her throat. Even after she was sure she had sucked the last drop of semen from Don’s monster cock, she kept on sucking as hard as she could. Finally, Don could take no more and pushed her head off of his dick telling her the sensitivity was more than he could handle.

They lay there together. His still hard prick just inches from her mouth. She slid closer and planted a wet kiss on the tip of his cock. The other two girls leaned in and smothered his cock with kisses.

“Girls,” gasped Don, “I’ve had too many blowjobs to count, but without a doubt that was the best one I’ve ever had in my entire life and it was with a 17-year old kid. And you took my entire prick right to the balls. Where did you learn to suck a dick like that?”

Jill decided not to answer and let him wonder. Amanda said “Mr. Pirelli, we have to get going in order to get home before our parents. We’ve never gotten a guy off twice in one meeting before so we’ve been here longer than usual.”

As the girls got themselves together preparing to leave, Don handed Jill a thousand dollars in cash and said, “I know you girls don’t charge but I want you to have this. It’s the only way I can express what a wonderful experience this has been for me. And you will definitely be hearing from me again.”

The Handy Squad – Chapter 3

The fantasy continues…..

The three girls continued on their “public service,” as they liked to call it, of searching out older single men and giving out free handjobs. Jill, Charli, and Amanda had been super tight friends since grade school and all three had shared every aspect of their life, even their deepest, darkest secrets, with each other. One thing they all agreed on was they were extremely enamored with men’s cocks. Although prior to forming The Handy Squad, they had very little actual contact with a real penis. Which was why The Handy Squad was born.

In just the first few months of the Squad’s existence, they had managed to jerk off an impressive number of older men. Most of whom requested follow-up sessions. The first contact was free and what they considered a public service. But repeat sessions were $200 each. Plus they had a standing weekly get together with a Mr. Johnson who paid them $500 weekly for handjobs and blowjobs.

The girls had discussed about going to the next step with any of these men and allowing actual intercourse. They had decided against it. After all, they were only 17 and the men they were seeing were all 60 and up.

One of the men who they met was Don Pirelli. What they didn’t know when he answered the door of what could literally be considered a mansion, was that the mansion was only a guest house down the street from his real home where he had a complete staff in a really huge estate. He also carried the tile of a Count from his former country. And was fabulously wealthy. The girls were very fortunate to catch him alone at the guest house because if they had knocked on the door of his estate, it would have been answered by one of the staff and they would never have gotten close to the Count.

They did jack him off and that somehow led to Jill giving him what he called the best blowjob of his life. She did have some experience as they all had been sucking off Mr. Johnson for the past five weeks. The Count was so impressed that he gave the girls a thousand dollars and immediately made plans to see them again. However after a couple more sessions with the Count, Jill had become obsessed with his overly large penis. And it wasn’t just the size. She thought it was the best looking cock she had ever seen and had become totally obsessed with it. It was all that she thought about.

She contacted the Count and made arrangements to meet him at the guest house. She was already feeling guilty about not telling the rest of the Handy Squad what she was doing. But she wanted at least one session with the Count’s beautiful cock all to herself. In the last two sessions with him the girls had taken turns jacking him off. He was actually partial to handjobs and his reasoning was he liked viewing his cock being worked over with the hands of the three teens. And he especially got off on seeing his cock spurt streams of cum. If his dick was buried in one of the girl’s mouths, he couldn’t admire his bulging shiny cockhead and couldn’t get off seeing himself ejaculate halfway across the room. And the girls agreed. They also got off seeing him blast a load of cum out of his monster cock.

When Jill arrived at the guest house, the Count wanted to know where her teammates were? She explained that the three of them had agreed that no actual fucking would occur with any of the men they serviced. But she admitted to the Count that she had an all-consuming desire to have his big prick buried deep in her pussy. She told him that’s all she thought about 24/7 and it was driving her crazy. She told him that she’d never been fucked but spent all her waking hours visualizing what it would feel like to have her pussy stretched with the Count’s huge prick.

Don Pirelli was all for the idea. He confessed that he had visions of fucking her ever since he met her. They both shed their clothing and climbed onto the Count’s California King Size bed. His cock was instantly hard and Jill immediately grabbed it, stroked it, kissed it and sucked the bulbous head. The Count liberally coated his throbbing cock with lubricant and also smeared it over the entrance to Jill’s cunt. She lay back on the bed and spread her legs. The Count directed the head of his penis to her opening and attempted to enter her. The head finally slid into her followed by about five or six inches of throbbing cock. The head bumped up against her cervix and she winced with the slight pain. He realized that he had to take it easy since she was a virgin. She had already told him that all three of the girls had already destroyed their hymens playing with Amanda’s mother’s large collection of dildoes and vibrators. They had spent hours getting each other off long before they formed The Handy Squad.

Still, it was important to take it somewhat easy with a girl who had never been fucked before. The Count spent the next hour thrusting his hard prick in and out of Jill’s now juicy teen cunt. Anytime he got close to cumming he would back off for a bit or change to a new position. The Count knew every coital position that existed and tried them all out on the willing teen. She turned out to be multi-orgasmic and they both lost count of how many times she came. Finally it was his turn and with an almost animalistic heaving of the two bodies, he felt the cum start to ejaculate from his big cock into the sweet teen’s vagina. They were back in the missionary position and she had her legs locked around him and screamed with ecstasy, and some pain, as she felt the semen splatter against her insides. Finally his thrusts diminished as the last of his orgasm brought him down and the two of them lay there exhausted. After a few minutes she felt his cock slip from her and she reversed her position on the bed and took his wilting penis in her mouth and sucked it clean of her juices and his cum. The combination of the two flavors was very unique and she looked forward to experiencing it many more times.

Jill had been gone for a long time and had to get home. The Count gave her another thousand dollars which sounds like a lot but was pocket change to him. At any given time he carried fifteen to twenty thousand in cash. She took an Uber home and once there, called Charli and Amanda and asked them to come over to her house.

Once all three girls were there, Jill confessed to what she had done. She was afraid they would be mad at her but actually they thought it was great that she took that step. She offered to split the money with them but they said she earned it. But they both now admitted they would like to fuck the Count as, like Jill, they wondered what it would feel like to be penetrated by a cock that large. She told them it was fabulous. She was frankly a bit jealous to share the Count’s cock with her friends but she realized there was no room for jealousy. Because of many factors, her relationship with the Count would never be anything more than sexual so it was only fair that the other girls get their share.

Another meeting was set up for a few days in the future and the three teens hooked up once again with the Count. Jill was surprised that she actually got a sexual thrill, along with some pangs of jealousy, watching the Count’s huge member thrusting into the pussies of her two best friends. The Count fucked Charli first and after a few minutes rest, he assaulted Amanda’s waiting pussy for a second ejaculation.

After both copulations, Jill made it her duty to suck his cock clean of semen and her friend’s vaginal juices. The Count felt bad about not being up to fucking Jill in the time they had left but made up for it by licking and sucking her clit to several screaming orgasms. Jill was on birth control but the other two were not. But the Count had Julie pills available for the girls to take and neither was in what was considered their ovulation periods so the risk of pregnancy was almost non-existent. They made plans for another hookup the following week and the Count promised to fuck all three of them.

The Count handed out another thousand dollars to each of the three girls. As the girls headed home in an Uber they discussed what to do about all the money they were getting. There really was no way to spend it and hide it from their parents. Between the $500 a week Mr. Johnson was giving them and then another $200 a week for a repeat with former sessions, plus the thousand a week each girl was going to be getting from the Count, the total was $3,700 a week. Divided three ways, that was $1,233 a week for each girl. Tax fee. That was almost $65,000 net a year. What to do? Charli came up with opening savings accounts and just saving the money until they were older. With a bit of cleverness they could keep the accounts hidden from their parents and build a nice little nest egg for when they left home and were out on their own.

And realistically, how long could they keep up the pace with The Handy Squad? At some point all the jacking, sucking and fucking was going to get to be too much too handle. But for now, it was sure a lot of fun to play with all of those different hard cocks.

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Girl’s Guide to Masturbation

This post has been written because you may not have complete and accurate information on sex and masturbation. I hope you find it informative and interesting.

We know that young people have access to all sorts of pornography on the Internet, and hope this page will help combat some of the incredible misinformation out there, keeping you healthier and safer.

Many still find this subject taboo, something that can’t be spoken or written about, but as you will see, even though you may have hidden yourself under the covers to read this article, it is a subject that is very important to talk about and one that we should believe should be openly discussed.

It’s OK if you don’t already know everything on this topic. Almost everyone your age is in the same boat. Even your parents, wise and kind though they may be, don’t know everything.

Masturbation is as common among women as it is among men, but it remains a subject that most women still will not discuss. We are going to discuss this topic in depth using detailed images and language which some of you may not be used to seeing or reading.

Let’s start with a fun little anatomy lesson. Grab a mirror and maybe a flashlight and take a good look between your legs. Don’t be scared. You are not doing anything wrong and you should not feel dirty. The slotted area between your legs is your vagina, sometimes also called ‘pussy,’ ‘VJJ,’ or ‘cunt.’ Note that ‘cunt’ is considered by many people as a bad swear word. Your vagina is a fascinating structure with some interesting parts.


Girl's guide to masturbation and sex, illustrated vagina

Your exploration should be done at your own pace, you may never have touched this area before other than when wiping or showering. You may find that you get some feelings during your exploration that you are not used to, some might be pleasurable, others less so.

You may have an amount of hair around your vagina. It is as normal to have a lot of hair than no hair or little hair. Some girls also choose to shave their vaginas.

Using your fingers, slowly start to investigate your vagina, you only need your fingers for this.

Situated at the top of the vagina, between the outer labia (‘labia majora’), also known as the vulva, and the inner labia (also known as ‘labia minora’), is your clitoris, often simply called the ‘clit.’ On some girls the clitoris is small and hard to find, while on others it is big and easy to notice. The clitoris is the most sensitive part, containing literally thousands of nerve endings. It may be covered by a fold of skin called the clitoral hood. You should be able to gently push the clitoral hood up or to one side and reveal the clitoris. You may find the clitoris is initially too sensitive to touch or sends unusual sensations through your body.

The clitoris is the only organ in your body that has the sole purpose of providing pleasure. We’ll talk more about that later.

If you spread your inner labia apart, and look further down, you may see a small opening, called the urethral opening or ‘meatus.’ The urethra is a tube that runs from the meatus to your bladder, which is a balloon in your body that holds urine (pee).

An interesting experiment you might enjoy is to sit on the edge of your bathtub, and pee a little bit while holding a mirror to watch it happen.

Below the urethra, is a larger opening, which may not be easy to see unless you spread your inner labia really wide. It may seem like an infinitely deep tunnel. That opening may be partially covered by a thin layer of skin called the hymen. Many girls your age no longer have hymens. That little covering often breaks open naturally during an athletic activity such as biking, horse riding, gymnastics, or masturbation with an object or your fingers. If it remains intact, the first time you have sex, the hymen may break then. Some girls notice a bit of pain, and maybe even a little blood when their hymen is broken, but many never even realized it happened.

Girl's Guide to Masturbation - various shapes of hymen in girls

This large opening, the vaginal canal, is where babies come out. Tiny though it is, the tissues around the opening are very flexible. A few inches inside the vaginal canal is the cervix, sometimes known as the ‘os’ which is a tight opening that leads to your uterus.

Girl's Guide to Masturbation - Vagina held open with speculum to show cervix
Vagina held open with a medical tool called a speculum to show cervix

The uterus is where babies are formed. Beyond the uterus are a couple of tubes, the Fallopian tubes, that lead to ovaries. The ovaries are small white glands that, once you are old enough, send out one microscopic egg once every 28 days. Interestingly, each ovary secretes one egg every 56 days, alternating with the other ovary. All the eggs you will ever deliver, well under 1,000, are already stored in you the day you are born.

Girl's Guide to Masturbation - Fallopian tubes

If you are already old enough, then you know about periods, also called menstruation. That happens approximately every 28 days. The actual timing may vary, especially in girls who have recently started menstruating. It’s a system to expel unused eggs, and keep your system clean by washing it with a bit of blood. The timing of periods can vary, as well as how much blood is released. Some girls have minor cramping at that time of the month. If you are one of the rare girls in which the blood loss or cramping is severe, you ought to check with a doctor. If you are already menstruating, even with some inconvenience and possible pain, you can be very proud. You have become a woman.

There are many things that affect how often you menstruate including your stress levels, how much you are eating, your general mood.

You might find you feel more playful and want to explore about the time of ovulation. You might not feel that you want to masturbate during your menstrual cycle, but while the orgasms might take longer, they will be better.

You may already know that boys are different. Instead of vagina, they have testicles and a penis. The penis can fill with blood to make it larger and stiff. From the same tube in the boy’s penis that carries urine, the boy can squirt out a small amount of liquid called semen, also known as ‘cum,’ ‘spunk,’ or ‘jizz,’ that contain millions of microscopic cells called sperm.


Girl's Guide To Masturbation - Male Anatomy
Male sexual organs

If a boy squirts sperm (semen) into your vagina, and even if just one of them meets up with an egg, a baby may start to form. You will be pregnant. Since the sperm and eggs are microscopic, and since us humans are so perfectly designed to create babies, it is a very good idea to avoid getting any semen in your vagina unless you are ready to become a mother.

The idea of having a baby is very romantic, but the reality is 18 years of hard labor. Not only that, but in a world with over 8 billion people, maybe adding another human into the mix isn’t such a great idea right now.

Basically, masturbation, and other things you can do besides intercourse (also known as ‘coitus,’ ‘sexual congress,’ ‘balling,’ ‘banging’ or ‘fucking’), makes a lot more sense, and turns out to be just as enjoyable.

When you looked at your vagina with a mirror, what you saw may be different than the picture above. Just like our faces are all different, so are vaginas. Take a look:

Girl's guide to sex and masturbation, different types of vaginas

The shape of your body, whether or not you have breasts and body hair, depend on your age, and genetics.

In addition to your height, weight, and color, the size of your vagina, inner labia, clitoris can vary. Some women have pigmented inner labia, and some do not. The same is true for nipples. Some are large, some are small, some are light, some are dark.

Most men and women have at least some body dysmorphia. That’s where you don’t think you look good. This can be nearly crippling for many people. Interestingly, some of the best looking people think they look terrible. Chances are you are much more beautiful than you realize.

Girl's Guide to Masturbation - stages of development

Masturbation, what does it mean?

Masturbation, also known as wanking, fapping, solo sex, jerking off, jilling, and about a thousand other names, is the practice of stimulating your body in a way that’s different than any other ways you may be familiar with. It can be satisfying like eating a good meal, getting enough sleep, winning a game, or soothing an itch. However, this satisfaction is most often felt in your genitals, meaning your vagina, breasts, or anus. Masturbation usually results in an orgasm. It doesn’t have to end in an orgasm, and it doesn’t have to be genital. I read about one woman who did have orgasms when her boyfriend rubbed the area between her shoulders on her upper back. Many people enjoy masturbation without orgasming.

It is very possible you don’t know what an orgasm is. Some women never experience an orgasm. A few have their first orgasms past the age of 40. On the other end of the spectrum, you’re never too young to have an orgasm.

So what is it? An orgasm is an involuntary reaction to a thought or physical stimulation. The usual orgasm starts with a chill building up in your body. Typically, this chill will be in your vagina or lower belly, but could be anywhere, even the top of your head. It is a rather delicious chill, and your body lets you know it wants more. Within a minute, the chill builds into something much more. Some have likened it to a sneeze, except much more pleasurable. Your muscles may tighten, you may start to shake uncontrollably, your conscious brain may go momentarily offline, you may loose bladder control, and you may feel contractions in your vagina. The orgasm usually lasts only a few seconds, although some women will have two or more orgasms in a row. After the orgasm, you may feel sexually satisfied, you may be sleepy or be very relaxed. Some women even cry after an orgasm. That crying isn’t from sadness. It’s not necessarily joy, either. It’s more of a release.

Every other form of emotional release is also possible, grunting, moaning, whimpering, shouting, or even screaming.

Which parts of my body do I use to masturbate?

Masturbation is stimulating parts of your body, usually with the intention of giving yourself an orgasm. The main part for most women is the vagina, and may be specifically the clitoris, that little button at the top of the vagina between your inner labia. However, masturbation can include stimulating the nipples, the anus, the mouth, even the legs, hands, belly, and other body parts.

Sex

What are the differences between masturbation and sex?

The most obvious difference is masturbation is something you do yourself. ‘Sex’ when used to mean ‘sexual activity’ involves at least one other person. Sex usually refers to intercourse, which is the placing of the male penis in the female vagina. Variations include anal intercourse, oral sex, frotting, hugging, sensual massaging, and fingering, all of which are covered elsewhere in this website.

An in between activity is mutual masturbation, in which two or more people masturbate each other. Some people take the word ‘sex’ to mean only ‘intercourse.’ Others use sex to indicate any activity from solo masturbation, or kissing to intercourse.

Girl's Guide to Masturbation, Female Mutual Masturbation
Female mutual masturbation

There are some dangers in any form of sexual activity involving more than one person. Let’s look at a few possible complications. Then you can decide if you might rather just masturbate:

You can become pregnant. You may be surprised at how young an age this can happen. For most girls, they are not fertile until at least age eleven. But some have become pregnant as early as five years old. Are you equipped to manage a baby?

You can become so sick that you can’t get out of bed, or visit any friends, and then you die. I know that sounds dire. but guess what? It is! I’m not saying that everyone who has sex is going to die, but is it a risk you really want to take for just a few minutes of pleasure?

The deadly sicknesses include syphilis, monkeypox, Covid-19, and AIDS. Sure, many people recover from these diseases, but some do not.

There are also milder diseases, but they can hound you for the rest of your life. Once you catch herpes, which usually manifests as blisters around your mouth or genitals, it can come back again and again. But worse, you can never kiss anyone ever again, in case you’d give them herpes.

Then there are the social issues. You might find a sexual mate who takes advantage of you. That can range from painful teasing, to physical injury. You might develop a reputation that you can never live down. For instance, imagine that your boyfriend takes a picture of you in a suggestive pose with no clothes on. All is good until you break up. He decides to post your picture on the Internet. Guess what? You can never remove a picture posted by someone else. It can spread like wildfire. In time, your friends, classmates, aunts, uncles, teachers, and even your parents may see the picture.

Many young people have this belief that bad things happen to other people, not them. That works fine, until it doesn’t.

So, we heartily recommend being satisfied with masturbation. Surprisingly, you can have a better time with masturbation than with intercourse. You get to masturbate where you want, when you want, and the way you want, rather than having to compromise all those decisions with someone else.

You may be surprised to discover that masturbation has many benefits, many of which are listed on the home page. Basically, you can feel better about yourself and your situations, can improve your physical health, and even study better.

When should I start masturbating?

Start when you feel like it. Some girls have masturbated since such an early age they can’t remember when they started. Three-year-old girls have been known to masturbate. Others don’t start until age 40. Some never did start. It’s all good.

When will I stop masturbating?

I once masturbated with an eighty-year-old woman at the annual Masturbate-A-Thon in San Francisco. I know a fellow who is 88 years old and still masturbates almost daily. There is no age limit.

Who else masturbates?

Practically everyone of all ages masturbates. You might be surprised to find out that it’s very likely that your teachers, your minister, your aunts, uncles, even your parents wank. We’re all wankers. Oh, sure, many will never admit it, but they still do it. You see, there’s a weirdness in our society. People are very reluctant to talk about masturbation. Fortunately, this attitude is shifting, but you’ll still find it is so strong in many people that they will claim they don’t masturbate, even though they do.

It’s kind of like the opposite of smoking cigarettes in the 1950s. People pretty well knew it was bad for health, but no one would talk about it, and people had to smoke because all their friends did it.

Why have I suddenly started to become interested in masturbating?

Sudden interest in masturbation is common. It may begin when your hormones shift as you grow, it may be because of a natural time of sexual awakening, or awareness in social circles. If you friends start talking about sex or masturbation, it makes sense that it might become interesting to you also.

What about negative influences?

“My parents have told me not to touch myself.”

This is wrong, they should have told you that it is fine to touch yourself, but that you should do it in the privacy of your bedroom.

“I’ve been told that genitals are dirty.”

Well, maybe they are, especially the anal area, but you can keep yourself clean, and no harm comes from touching that area of your body. As to ‘dirty’ in terms of ‘naughty,’ that too, comes from old-fashioned beliefs.

“My parents have told me not to masturbate.”

They might be from a generation, religious or conservative background in which masturbation was discouraged, but you can be sure they used to masturbate and probably still do. Things may be mostly different than in your parents’ era, so if they are old-fashioned, it is a good idea to keep your masturbation private. There’s no sense in stirring up a hornet’s nest. On the other hand, honesty is generally the best policy. If you feel you can open a discussion about masturbation with your parents, you may find that they can be more supportive than you thought.
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“The society I live in says that you should not masturbate so I am scared to do it. I keep being told at church that it is sinful.”

This is rapidly becoming old-fashioned. Even some church leaders are now acknowledging that masturbation is not only OK, but has benefits.

“I’m worried about what my parents or siblings will think if they know I am masturbating.”

They know that you are of an age where you probably will masturbate. Chances are, they won’t say anything about it, or if they do, they’ll approach it in good humor, maybe even jokingly.

“I am scared to masturbate.”

Just like driving a car, or doing anything new, masturbating for the first time can be scary.

“I am scared of my siblings and what they will think about be masturbating.”

If they are older than you, they are probably more worried about you discovering their interest in masturbation, than them discovering you.

“What if I get caught masturbating?”

First, make an effort to avoid being caught. For most people, masturbation is a private activity. If you are caught, the results will depend on who catches you. Scared, conservative parents may have an improper negative reaction. It’s the way they were brought up. Hopefully, you’ll be able to excuse their behavior. Others will encourage you. Some will offer guidance or instruction. A very common reaction is to install a lock on your bedroom door, wink, and say something like, “You’re old enough now, you deserve your private time.”

As with most everything in life, clear communication is best. It is OK to admit to most parents, siblings, and other family members that you enjoy masturbation. If they are enlightened, they’ll probably admit that they do also.

So, I have decided I want to masturbate, what now?

Make sure you have enough time and privacy. Ask your family not to barge into your room, or bother you. If you and your family are good at communication, you can actually say something like, “I’m going to masturbate, so please don’t disturb me for a while.”

Never lock your door. Locking a bedroom door is dangerous for medical and fire reasons. You might enjoy setting the lighting the way you’d like, and put on some nice music.

Have a nice meal beforehand, and go to the bathroom if you feel the need.

You might like to do this after a bath or shower, so you are clean, refreshed, your hands are warm, and perhaps you are already naked. You can masturbate while clothed or nude. Most people prefer nude if there is time enough to undress and dress. Some, will simply lower their pants, or remove a skirt, and lower their underwear.

I like to recommend starting with a full body examination and adoring love of yourself. It doesn’t matter if you could add or lose some weight, whether you are tall or short, or if your hair isn’t right. This is the time to absolutely love who you are. You might like to admire yourself in a full-length mirror. Notice your breasts, your butt, all the curves of your body. It is not only OK to touch yourself, but can be great. Run your hands over your sides, your breasts, between your legs, over your butt, and just enjoy the sensations.

You may not need any further instruction at all. You may instinctively run your hands between your legs several times. You may automatically discover that special button, your clitoris, and give it attention. Or, maybe not.

You might get a kick out of very lightly running your fingers over your nipples. Then, maybe very lightly, touch your vaginal area. If it is covered with hair, touch it so lightly that you’re only gently brushing the hairs. If there is no hair, see how very lightly you can touch yourself. You may find that your body wants to open naturally, to let your fingers start touching your inner labia, and then your clitoris more and more.

When ever you give yourself self-love and massage, use the strokes that are for you. Deep, long, short, firm, light or delicate. Remember that this is your body, your feelings, do what feels good for you and not someone else.

Use on finger to make snail trails around your body, all over, find out what feels good. Use the underside of your finger, or introduce a nail to lightly scrape over your skin.

Don’t be surprised if you find the area becoming wet and slippery. Some women secrete a sort of oil naturally, that was created to help a penis slip easily into the vagina. Some women do not have this effect. You might want to try some olive or coconut oil, or a safe body lotion to lubricate the area.

In case you are one of the people who get particularly wet, you may want to have a towel under your body.

If you haven’t been directed by the feelings in your body what to do, then may I suggest you start running one or two fingers over your clitoris repeatedly. You might like to try a circular motion on your clit with one or two fingers. Be patient. Nothing may happen. That’s OK, you can just enjoy whatever happens.

Fantasy is a major component in most masturbation. It is OK to fantasize about any safe activity with any person. It may not be at all appropriate to act on those fantasies, but it is totally OK to let your mind wander to sexy situations.

There are some people that will use porn, but thoughts and feelings from your own body are always so much better, real and felt within you.

Do your fantasies concern you? For instance, you may find yourself thinking about a girl or woman. Interest in women is called ‘lesbianism,’ ‘homosexuality,’ or ‘gay.’

As it turns out, everyone is on a bisexual spectrum. That means that no one is 100% straight (interested only in men), or gay (interested only in women). Oh, some people are very close to one end of the spectrum or another, and it’s all fine. Our positions on that spectrum can also vary over time.

As you continue to rub your clit and fantasize, you may have very delicious feelings. These are often described as chills that can happen anywhere in your body from head to toes, but are usually centered in the lower belly or genital region. You may feel like you are going to pee. Usually, that doesn’t happen.

Now, some women will quit at this point. The feelings scare them, so they stop the stimulation. That’s a shame. They are missing out on something very nice. We urge you to continue and find out what happens. Let the feeling build. Suddenly, the chill may become one of the best feelings you’ve ever had in your life. At the same time, you may feel rhythmic contractions in your vagina or anal area. Just let it happen and enjoy. Congratulations, you’ve had your first orgasm!

Wasn’t as great as you expected? Sometimes that happens with your first few orgasms. As you become more relaxed, more used to the situation, they can build into something truly fantastic.

Some women will want to stop very soon after orgasming. Others want do do it repeatedly, having several orgasms in a row. There’s no telling which style is yours, and it really doesn’t matter.

Now that you are a wanker (masturbater), you might want to explore some variations.

Perhaps the most common variation is to insert your fingers or an object into your vagina. Whatever you use should be smooth and clean. Use some slippery cream or oil if you need additional lubrication.

Remember that you do not need to penetrate your vagina at all. Many girls get as much pleasure from the outside and do not need anything to go inside at all.

At first, don’t go in too deep, or use something too big around. There’s lots of time for careful exploration of the limits later. Avoid anything that’s dangerous such as wood that can splinter, light bulbs that can shatter, and so on. Avoid chemicals such as toothpaste, soap, or anything that can’t be removed. More than one woman has been taken to the emergency room because they put something in their vagina that they couldn’t get out.

Another very interesting erogenous place can be your anus. Erogenous means a place that if touched can feel sexual. You might start with a very light touch or stroking of your anal area with your fingertips. You might prefer to use rubber gloves if you are averse to the possibility of getting some poop on your fingers.

You can also insert things into the anus. You’ll want to clean everything you use afterward. The bacteria that live around the anus can set off an infection in the vaginal area. It’s uncommon, but this can range from an annoying itch, or an undesirable odor, to a serious sickness. So, keep things clean. As with the vagina, whatever you use, if not your fingers, should be small and smooth. Some women have been known to have orgasms just from anal stimulation.

Whether you are putting something into your vagina or anus, you may find it is very tight. This can happen to many women. The muscles can contract really hard. There is no need to force anything. Use lots of lube and start with something thin. You don’t want something so thin or pointy that it could injure you, of course. Take your time. Relax. Breathe deep. If you can’t get it in today, you have all the rest of your life to work on it.

If you feel you would like a sex toy, but are unable to get one due to concerns with your parents or others, then walk around the local supermarket with and open mind and see what you can find. Toilet roll stand? Hairbrush? Toothbrush? Think always what you are trying to do, then let the mind wander.

Can I masturbate with others?

Yes, you can, but there are some things you might like to know:

Masturbating by yourself is far and away the safest form of sex.

In this era of Covid-19, simply breathing near someone else can be dangerous. Plus, you could catch a cold or the flu without even touching anyone.


Covid-19

If you touch someone, the danger increases. You can end up with jock itch, crabs (little insects that live in body hair and are hard to get rid of), or monkeypox.

If you kiss, or do anything involving contact with the genitals, the danger increases yet again, including rather horrible skin diseases, and herpes, a life-long annoyance.

Finally, if you mix bodily fluids, or have any sort of sexual penetration, the risk is even higher. You could catch AIDS. Contrary to popular belief, AIDS is not just something that happens among gay men. That disease can be contracted by men or women and from men or women.

So, if you can be satisfied with solo masturbation, that’s your best bet. Unlike partner sex, you can masturbate when, where and how you want. You can do it absolutely your way, with no need to compromise.

However, if you do want to engage in mutual masturbation, you’re still safer than engaging in other sexual activities.

Mutual masturbation takes many forms, but the most common are:

0. Sharing and comparing. This is not masturbation at all, but you and your friends may like to look at each other naked, noticing breast and nipple size, vaginal shape, ass shape, and the amount of hair on your bodies.

1. Playing doctor. This is surprisingly common among young children. The adult version is to get naked with a friend or several friends, and pretend you are undergoing a medical exam or procedure that involves the genitals. With the youngsters, playing doctor is not necessarily masturbatory or even sexual. With adults, anything can happen!

2. You and one or more friends are near each other, possibly watching and conversing while each person only touches themselves.

3. You masturbate your friend, and then your friend masturbates you. This way, you each get to enjoy the full feelings of being touched, without having to focus on satisfying the other person at the same time.


4. You get in a position where each is masturbating the other at the same time.

Assuming you have a brother, sister, cousin or friend who is interested, yet can respect your privacy by not blabbing to old-school people who could cause trouble, they can be your masturbation partner.

Quite often, mutual masturbation can include mouth-to-genital activities. Typically, this would be sucking on a penis, known as ‘blowjob’ or ‘fellatio,’ or licking a vagina, known as ‘going down on,’ ‘eating out,’ or ‘cunnilingus.’ This is more risky, and I’d really suggest avoiding anything oral. Since you can give and get delightful orgasms strictly with hands, there’s no need for anything more.

Assuming you are under 18 years old, it is a bad idea to masturbate with anyone older than 18 years old. The older person can get in legal trouble for being sexual with an underage person. Furthermore, they can persuade you to do things you’re not ready for. Oddly, sexual activity, even if just mutual masturbation, between someone younger than 18, and someone older, can have unexpected lifelong psychological consequences.

If someone older wants to masturbate, or do anything sexual with you, and you don’t want it, you are well within your rights to say “No.” If that person bothers you continually, badgers you, tries to blackmail you, or physically forces you to get sexual in any way, that’s rape. If you feel this might happen, let a responsible adult know the details of your concern.

Just to be safe, I’d recommend washing your hands before and after mutual masturbation.

If you’re masturbating with a girl, you can do the same things to her that you enjoy. Remember, for most women, starting very gentle is best, and slowly working up to the intensity of stimulation she wants. She may really enjoy non-masturbatory activity first, such as touching or massaging her whole body such as her arms, legs, back, neck, even her face and head.

If you’re masturbating with a boy, you’ll find that they enjoy handjobs. You might start by very light touching of the scrotum, then the tip of the penis. He will become erect if he isn’t already, meaning his penis will harden and become larger. This does not hurt the boy, and indicates he is experiencing a level of sexual expectation or pleasure. You can move your hand up and down on the loose skin of his penis. When boys orgasm, semen flows out of the end of their penis. Avoid getting that semen anywhere around your vagina, so you don’t end up having a baby.

Girl's Guide to Masturbation - Masturbating a Boy

In general, boys are more focused on their genitals. They like having their balls, dicks, and maybe their assholes stimulated directly, and aren’t as interested as girls are in whole body experiences. Whereas you might really enjoy having someone touching your sides, breasts, ass, back, neck, legs, arms and hands, touched, that usually has less effect on boys.

The boys will quite often start off too rough with you. It can be a real turn-off. Remind the boy that girls are different, they like to start with very gentle whole-body touching.

The boys can also become insistent. They are often concerned with just getting on with sex and thrusting in their penises. They quite often want to violate common sense, and will try to talk you into intercourse. Let a boy know in no uncertain terms, as early as you can, that you don’t want to take that risk, and that if he insists, everything good stops right away. If he doesn’t stop, it is rape, a very serious legal problem for him.

I shouldn’t even have to mention this, but if you find yourself in a situation where intercourse is going to happen, you’ll want to make sure to use a proper contraceptive. That’s something that will supposedly prevent pregnancy. Contraceptives are not perfect. They fail all too often.

The most common contraceptive is condoms, also known as ‘rubbers.’ These are thin rubber coverings that a boy can unroll over his penis. That will (supposedly) keep his semen – containing his sperm – within the condom, and not let it into your vagina. A condom is not much help when it comes to crabs, herpes, and a variety of other diseases.


Girl's Guide to Masturbation, Applying a Condom
Applying a condom

What if I want to masturbate with a girl? Does that make me gay?

Not necessarily. Many women have had woman-to-woman experiences, yet they end up happily married to a man. Of course if you are gay, also known as ‘lesbian,’ that’s become much more acceptable in today’s society. There’s nothing morally wrong with lesbianism. The only problem you may run into is that there are people in our society who are very down on things they don’t understand, and may give you a hard time.

What’s the scoop on pornography?

Why do we watch porn?

  • Curious of what others have
  • Curious of what the other sex has
  • What is sex “really” like?
  • It’s exciting
  • We know it is naughty, this turns us on even more
  • Risk of getting caught is exciting even if it is scary
  • Helps me fantasize, turns me on, makes me really horny

Is porn real?

Much of porn is staged, faked. Some is totally real. It is very hard to tell the difference. The bottom line is that it is entertainment. Many of the porn actors are not typical. They may have overly large breasts or dicks, they may shoot out extraordinary amounts of semen, they may have amazing staying power before they orgasm, they may scream and yell and carry on, they may be especially good looking, and so on.

Some porn is very degrading to women. Those who consistently watch such porn could assume that all women love giving men blowjobs without reciprocation, that it’s OK to slap or hit women, and that it’s all about the man’s pleasure. That kind of porn should be totally avoided.

The better kind of porn portrays men and women as equals. She is entitled to as much pleasure as he is getting. He should treat her as kindly as she treats him. Together, they can explore some crazy and unusual things, but they do it together as partners.

There is also gay porn, porn involving many people, and the less common sexual activities such as anal sex, bondage, and playing with sex toys. This porn should follow along the same lines: Men and women should treat each other equally and with respect.

Porn addiction

Masturbation is not usually addictive. Pornography may be addictive. Here’s how you can tell that you’ve become addicted: If your studies or relationships have changed, if you’re doing poorly in school, or don’t have as much time for your friends and family, you may be addicted.

Most addictions are so difficult to overcome that you’ll need professional help. It may be difficult to bring it up with your parents, but that’s the place to start. If you just can’t, then perhaps another responsible adult can help. That could be a trusted teacher, family member, or the parent of one of your friends. Addictions, whether eating disorders, drug use, or sexual disorders are not something to be ashamed of. They happen to millions of people. In fact, you can be very proud that you’re seeking help.

What happens after an orgasm?

A variety of thing can happen. Not all of these will happen to you although some of these may happen sometimes:

1. You may cry. This isn’t necessary sad or happy crying. It’s just something that can happen after an orgasm.

2. You may immediately want another orgasm.

3. You may not want an orgasm, or to do anything sexual, for anywhere from a few minutes, to many days.

4. You may have mild pain or itching. That will go away soon. If in the very rare circumstance you feel great pain, let your parents know. You may need to see a doctor.

5. You may feel guilty. This is unfortunately common. It’s due to the influence on you from all the old-school misinformation still hanging around that masturbation is supposedly bad.

6. You may feel weak or tired. This can happen after your first orgasms. If it happens later on, you might want to look at other lifestyle issues. Perhaps you’re stressed, not getting enough sleep, or not eating a fully nutritious diet.

What if something isn’t quite right?

As human beings, we tend to worry about things. 99% of the things we worry about turn out to be nothing. Sexual matters tend to be worse, because we are reluctant to discuss them with our parents, doctors, or any other adult.

If you have a concern, communication is the best approach. Most of the time, when you express your worry to an adult, they can put your worries to bed. For instance, when my mother had her first period, and blood came out, she was convinced she was going to die. She reluctantly told her mother about it, who assured her that it was entirely normal. You may have other concerns, perhaps a discharge, an itch, or a concern that you have caused damage due to an usual masturbation technique. Let an adult, or possibly a medical professional if needed, assure you that you’re OK. It’s worth discussing, because it will take a load off your mind.

What if I need to see a doctor?

Girl's Guide to Masturbation - Medical Issues

Doctors are there to help you, not to hurt you.

They see breasts, vaginas and anuses every single day, they will not have any sexual charge, or any concern about seeing yours. They will maintain your privacy while being examined. Only the doctor, possibly an adult chaperone, and anyone who you specifically allow will be present while you’re examined. Normally, after puberty, your parents are not allowed to be in the exam room, unless you give your permission.

Doctors cannot tell, and don’t care if you have masturbated.

Doctors masturbate as well.

We mentioned misinformation once or twice. Here are some common misbeliefs:

  • I will lose my eyesight.
  • God will chop my hands off.
  • Masturbation makes me bald, sick, hair on my palms.
  • Bad for my health.
  • Stunts my growth.
  • Stops my breasts growing.
  • Affects puberty.
  • My parents can smell if I have masturbated.

Are there unsafe masturbation practices?

Yes, totally.

  • Your urethra (peehole) is very susceptible to infection. It is best not to stick anything into the urethra. If you must do so, make sure the object is sterile and smooth. The urethral walls can tear easily, and bleed profusely.
  • It is possible to put something in your anus or vagina that you can’t remove. Things with sharp edges are especially problematic for obvious reasons. If you must put big things in, make sure a string is firmly attached so you can pull it back out. Better yet, don’t put big things in there.
  • Any sort of exchange of bodily fluids with another person could cause you a lifetime of illness.
  • There is no need to combine masturbation with use of drugs, alcohol, or dangerous practices such as cutting. Masturbation by itself is totally enjoyable.
  • When it comes to mutual masturbation or other forms of two-person sex, be very careful who you associate with. Some people are terribly abusive.
  • Keep your masturbation private. In the heat of the moment, you may let someone participate who will blab all over over town, or worse, post your pictures or video on the Internet. You can never undo that.
  • You may see challenges on TikTok and elsewhere that might involve blocking your breathing, or inserting unsafe objects. These challenges do not need to be taken seriously.

So, what are some safe masturbation practices?

  • Add peeing into your masturbation practice. Playing with peeing is often called ‘watersports.’
  • Masturbate outdoors in a safe and secluded space.
  • Lay on one or more pillows, and rub against them, called pillow humping.
  • Edging. This is the idea of getting close to orgasm, but putting it off for as long as you can.
  • Masturbate on webcam, but only with a trusted friend. Do not keep recordings of your masturbatory times. When webcamming, even with a friend, it is best not to show your face. The other person could have friends in the room watching you, or even making a video of you to upload on the internet.
  • Expand your fantasy life while masturbating.
  • Medibation is the combination of meditation and masturbation. It can take any form you wish from mindful masturbation, to letting your mind be as clear as you can while masturbating.
  • It is possible to read, listen to music, watch videos, and even study while masturbating.
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Women’s Guide to Masturbation

This post has been written because you may not have complete and accurate information on sex and masturbation. I hope you find it informative and interesting.

Many women have not done this fun little anatomy lesson. Grab a mirror and maybe a flashlight, and take a good look between your legs. Don’t be scared. You are not doing anything wrong and you should not feel dirty.


Woman's guide to masturbation and sex, illustrated vagina

Situated at the top of the vagina, between the outer labia (‘labia majora’), also known as the vulva, and the inner labia (also known as ‘labia minora’), is your clitoris, often simply called the ‘clit.’ That’s the most sensitive part, containing literally thousands of nerve endings. It may be covered by a fold of skin called the clitoral hood. You should be able to gently push the clitoral hood up or to one side and reveal the clitoris. You may find the clitoris is initially too sensitive to touch or sends unusual sensations through your body.

The clitoris is the only organ in your body that has the sole purpose of providing pleasure. We’ll talk more about that later. You may be surprised that the little button you can see is only the tip of the iceberg. The total length of the clitoris is around 3 inches (7.5 cm).

Woman

If you spread your inner labia apart, and look further down, you may see a small opening, called the urethral opening or ‘meatus.’ The urethra is a tube that runs from the meatus to your bladder, which is a balloon in your body that holds urine (pee).

An interesting experiment you might enjoy is to sit on the edge of your bathtub, and pee a little bit while holding a mirror to watch it happen. Don’t get the mirror wet 🙂

The largese opening, hidden between your inner labis, is the vaginal canal. Tiny though it is, the tissues around the opening are very flexible. A few inches inside the vaginal canal is the cervix, sometimes known as the ‘os’ which is a tight opening that leads to your uterus.

Woman's Guide to Masturbation - Vagina held open with speculum to show cervix
Vagina held open with a medical tool called a speculum to show cervix

The uterus is where babies are formed. Beyond the uterus are a couple of tubes, the Fallopian tubes, that lead to ovaries. The ovaries are small white glands that are similar to men’s testicles, except instead of forming millions of tiny sperm, they send out one microscopic egg once every 28 days. Interestingly, each ovary secretes one egg every 56 days, alternating with the other ovary. All the eggs you will ever deliver, well under 1,000, are already stored in you the day you are born.

Woman's Guide to Masturbation - Fallopian tubes

If a man squirts sperm (semen) into your vagina, and even if just one of them meets up with an egg, a baby may start to form. You will be pregnant. Since the sperm and eggs are microscopic, and since us humans are so perfectly designed to create babies, it is a very good idea to avoid getting any semen in your vagina unless you are ready to become a mother.

The idea of having a baby is very romantic, but the reality is 18 years of hard labor. Not only that, but in a world with over 8 billion people, maybe adding another human into the mix isn’t such a great idea right now.

Basically, masturbation, and other things you can do besides intercourse (also known as ‘coitus,’ ‘sexual congress,’ ‘balling,’ ‘banging’ or ‘fucking’), makes a lot more sense, and turns out to be just as enjoyable. Some will say even more enjoyable!

When you looked at your vagina with a mirror, what you saw may be different than the picture above. Just like our faces are all different, so are vaginas. Take a look:

Woman's guide to sex and masturbation, different types of vaginas

The shape of your body, whether or not you have breasts and body hair, depend on your age, and genetics.

In addition to your height, weight, and color, the size of your vagina, inner labia, clitoris can vary. Some women have pigmented inner labia, and some do not. The same is true for nipples. Some are large, some are small, some are light, some are dark.

Most men and women have at least some body dysmorphia. That’s where you don’t think you look good. This can be nearly crippling for many people. Interestingly, some of the best looking people think they look terrible. Chances are you are much more beautiful than you realize.

Masturbation, you are probably already familiar:

Masturbation, also known as wanking, fapping, solo sex, jerking off, jilling, and about a thousand other names, is the practice of stimulating your body in a way that’s different than any other ways you may be familiar with. It can be satisfying like eating a good meal, getting enough sleep, winning a game, or soothing an itch. However, this satisfaction is most often felt in your genitals, meaning your vagina, breasts, or anus. Masturbation usually results in an orgasm. It doesn’t have to end in an orgasm, and it doesn’t have to be genital. I read about one woman who did have orgasms when her boyfriend rubbed the area between her shoulders on her upper back. Many women enjoy masturbation without orgasming.

It is very possible you don’t know what an orgasm is. Some women never experience an orgasm. A few have their first orgasms past the age of 40.

So what is it? An orgasm is an involuntary reaction to a thought or physical stimulation. The typical orgasm starts with a chill building up in your body. Typically, this chill will be in your vagina or lower belly, but could be anywhere, even the top of your head. It is a rather delicious chill, and your body lets you know it wants more. Within a minute, the chill builds into something much more. Some have likened it to a sneeze, except much more pleasurable. Your muscles may tighten, your conscious brain may go momentarily offline, and you may feel contractions in your vagina. The orgasm usually lasts less than a minute, although some women will have two or more orgasms in a row. After the orgasm, you may feel sexually satisfied, you may be sleepy or be very relaxed. Some women even cry after an orgasm. That crying isn’t from sadness. It’s not necessarily joy, either. It’s more of a release.

Sex

What are the differences between masturbation and sex?

The most obvious difference is masturbation is something you do yourself. ‘Sex’ when used to mean ‘sexual activity’ involves at least one other person. Sex usually refers to intercourse. Variations include anal intercourse, oral sex, frotting, hugging, sensual massaging, and fingering, all of which are covered elsewhere in this website.

An in between activity is mutual masturbation, in which two or more people masturbate each other. Some people take the word ‘sex’ to mean only ‘intercourse.’ Others use sex to indicate any activity from solo masturbation, or kissing to intercourse.

Woman's Guide to Masturbation, Female Mutual Masturbation
Female mutual masturbation

There are some crazy dangers in any form of sexual activity involving more than one person. Let’s look at a few possible complications. Then you can decide if you might rather just masturbate:

You can become pregnant. Are you equipped to manage a baby?

You can become so sick that you can’t get out of bed, or visit any friends, and then you die. I know that sounds dire. but guess what? It is! I’m not saying that everyone who has sex is going to die, but is it a risk you really want to take for just a few minutes of pleasure?

The deadly sicknesses include syphilis, monkeypox, Covid-19, and AIDS. Sure, many people recover from these diseases, but some do not.

There are also milder diseases, but they can hound you for the rest of your life. Once you catch herpes, which usually manifests as blisters around your mouth or genitals, it can come back again and again. But worse, you can never kiss anyone ever again, in case you’d give them herpes.

Then there are the social issues. You might find a sexual mate who takes advantage of you. That can range from painful teasing, to physical injury. You might develop a reputation that you can never live down. For instance, imagine that your boyfriend takes a picture of you in a suggestive pose with no clothes on. All is good until you break up. He decides to post your picture on the Internet. Guess what? You can never remove a picture posted by someone else. It can spread like wildfire. In time, your friends, coworkers, and even your relatives may see the picture.

Many young people have this belief that bad things happen to other people, not them. That works fine, until it doesn’t.

So, we heartily recommend being satisfied with masturbation. Surprisingly, you can have a better time with masturbation than with intercourse. You get to masturbate where you want, when you want, and the way you want, rather than having to compromise all those decisions with someone else.

You may be surprised to discover that masturbation has many benefits, many of which are listed on the home page. Basically, you can feel better about yourself and your situations, can improve your physical health, and even be more productive.

What is the age range for masturbation?

Some girls have masturbated since such an early age they can’t remember when they started. Three-year-old girls have been known to masturbate. Others don’t start until age 40. Some never did start. It’s all good.

Your author once masturbated with an eighty-year-old woman at the annual Masturbate-A-Thon in San Francisco. I know a fellow who is 88 years old, and still masturbates almost daily. There is no age limit.

Who else masturbates?

Practically everyone of all ages masturbates. You might be surprised to find out that it’s very likely that your coworkers, your minister, your aunts, uncles, even your parents wank. We’re all wankers. Oh, sure, many will never admit it, but they still do it. You see, there’s a weirdness in our society. People are very reluctant to talk about masturbation. Fortunately, this attitude is shifting, but you’ll still find it is so strong in many people that they will claim they don’t masturbate, even though they do.

What about negative influences?

“From a very early age, my parents have told me not to touch myself.”

This is wrong, they should have told you that it is fine to touch yourself, but that you should do it in the privacy of your bedroom. This invalid early learning can have a life-long impact. They might be from a generation, religious or conservative background in which masturbation was discouraged, but you can be sure they secretly masturbated. Things may be mostly different than in your parents’ era, so if they are old-fashioned, it is a good idea to keep your masturbation private from them. There’s no sense in stirring up a hornet’s nest. On the other hand, honesty is generally the best policy. If you feel you can open a discussion about masturbation with your parents, you may find that they can be more supportive than you thought.

“I’ve been told that genitals are dirty.”

Well, maybe they are, especially the anal area, but you can keep yourself clean, and no harm comes from touching that area of your body. As to ‘dirty’ in terms of ‘naughty,’ that too, comes from old-fashioned beliefs.

“The society I live in says that you should not masturbate so I am scared to do it. I keep being told at church that it is sinful.”

This is rapidly becoming old-fashioned. Even some church leaders are now acknowledging that masturbation is not only OK, but has benefits. For those who will say that the Bible speaks against masturbation, you can challenge them to tell you where. The closest they can come is a passage about ‘not spilling seed on the ground.’ This was evidently in reference to a man who was by tradition supposed to make the wife of his deceased brother pregnant.

“I’m worried about what my coworkers, friends or family will think if they know I am masturbating.”

They masturbate too. Chances are, they won’t say anything about it, or if they do, they’ll approach it in good humor, maybe even jokingly.

“I am scared to masturbate.”

Just like driving a car, or doing anything new, masturbating for the first time can be scary.

“What if I get caught masturbating?”

Being caught is exceptionally rare. First, make an effort to to avoid being caught. For most people, masturbation is a private activity. If you are caught, the results will depend on who catches you. Scared, conservative people may have an improper negative reaction. It’s the way they were brought up. Hopefully, you’ll be able to excuse their behavior. Others, will encourage you. Some will offer guidance or or want to help or join you.

As with most everything in life, clear communication is best. It is OK to admit that you enjoy masturbation if the topic comes up. If the people around you are enlightened, they’ll probably admit that they do also.

So, I have decided I want to masturbate, what now?

(This section is for the woman who has never done it. You can skip ahead if you’re an old pro.)

Make sure you have enough time and privacy. If you’re among family or roommates, ask them not to barge into your room, or bother you. If you the people around you are good at communication, you can actually say something like, “I’m going to masturbate, so please don’t disturb me for a while.”

Never lock your door. Locking a bedroom door is dangerous for medical and fire reasons. You might enjoy setting the lighting the way you’d like, and put on some nice music.

Have a nice meal beforehand, and go to the bathroom if you feel the need.

You might like to do this after a bath or shower, so you are clean, refreshed, your hands are warm, and perhaps you are already naked. You can masturbate while clothed or nude. Most people prefer nude if there is time enough to undress and dress. Some, will simply lower their pants, or remove a skirt, and lower their underwear.

I like to recommend starting with a full body examination and adoring love of yourself. It doesn’t matter if you could add or lose some weight, whether you are tall or short, or if your hair isn’t right. This is the time to absolutely love who you are. You might like to admire yourself in a full-length mirror. Notice your breasts, your butt, all the curves of your body. It is not only OK to touch yourself, it is great. Runs your hands over your sides, your breasts, between your legs, over you butt, and just enjoy the sensations.

You may not need any further instruction at all. You may instinctively run your hands between your legs several times. You may automatically discover that special button, your clitoris, and give it attention. Or, maybe not.

You might get a kick out of very lightly running your fingers over your nipples. Then, maybe very lightly, touch your vaginal area. If it is covered with hair, touch it so lightly that you’re only gently brushing the hairs. If there is no hair, see how very lightly you can touch yourself. You may find that your body wants to open naturally, to let your fingers start touching your inner labia, and then your clitoris more and more.

Don’t be surprised if you find the area becoming wet and slippery. Some women secrete a sort of oil naturally, that was created to help a penis slip easily into the vagina. Some women do not have this effect. You might want to try some olive or coconut oil, or a safe body lotion to lubricate the area.

If you haven’t been directed by the feelings in your body what to do, then may I suggest you start running one or two fingers over your clitoris repeatedly. You might like to try a circular motion on your clit with one or two fingers. Be patient. Nothing may happen. That’s OK, you can just enjoy whatever feelings that gives you.

Fantasy is a major component in most masturbation. It is OK to fantasize about any safe activity with any person. It may not be at all appropriate to act on those fantasies, but it is totally OK to let your mind wander to sexy situations.

Do your fantasies concern you? For instance, you may find yourself thinking about a girl or woman. Interest in women is called ‘lesbianism,’ ‘homosexuality,’ or ‘gay.’

As it turns out, everyone is on a bisexual spectrum. That means that no one is 100% straight (interested only in men), or gay (interested only in women). Oh, some people are very close to one end of the spectrum or another, and it’s all fine. Our positions on that spectrum can also vary over time.

As you continue to rub your clit and fantasize, you may have very delicious feelings. These are often described as chills that can happen anywhere in your body from head to toes, but are usually centered in the lower belly or genital region. You may feel like you are going to pee. Usually, that doesn’t happen.

Now, some women have quit at this point. The feelings scare them, so they stop the stimulation. That’s a shame. They are missing out on something very nice. We urge you to continue, and find out what happens. Let the feeling build. Suddenly, the chill may become one of the best feelings you’ve ever had in your life. At the same time, you may feel rhythmic contractions in your vagina or anal area. Just let it happen and enjoy. Congratulations, you’ve had your first orgasm!

Wasn’t as great as you expected? Sometimes that happens with your first few orgasms. As you become more relaxed, more used to the situation, they can build into something truly fantastic.

Some women will want to stop very soon after orgasming. Others want do do it repeatedly, having several orgasms in a row. There’s no telling which style is yours, and it really doesn’t matter.

Now that you are a wanker (masturbater), you might want to explore some variations.

Perhaps the most common variation is to insert your fingers or an object into your vagina. Whatever you use should be smooth and clean. Use some slippery cream or oil if you need additional lubrication. At first, don’t go in too deep, or use something too big around. There’s lots of time for careful exploration of the limits later. Avoid anything that’s dangerous such as wood that can splinter, light bulbs that can shatter, and so on. Avoid chemicals such as toothpaste, soap, or anything that can’t be removed. More than one woman has been taken to the emergency room because they put something in their vagina that they couldn’t get out.

Another very interesting erogenous place can be your anus. Erogenous means a place that if touched can feel sexual. You might start with a very light touch or stroking of your anal area with your fingertips. You might prefer to use rubber gloves if you are adverse to the possibility of getting some poop on your fingers.

You can also insert things is into the anus. You’ll want to clean everything you use afterward. The bacteria that live around the anus can set off an infection in the vaginal area. It’s uncommon, but this can range from an annoying itch, or an undesirable odor, to a serious sickness. So, keep things clean. As with the vagina, whatever you use, if not your fingers, should be small and smooth. Some women have been known to have orgasms just from anal stimulation.

Whether you are putting something into your vagina or anus, you may find it is very tight. This can happen to many women. The muscles can contract really hard. There is no need to force anything. Use lots of lube, and start with something thin. You don’t want something so thin or pointy that it could injure you, of course. Take your time. Relax. Breathe deep. If you can’t get it in today, you have all the rest of your life to work on it.

Can I masturbate with others?

Yes, you can, but there are some things you might like to know:

Masturbating by yourself is far and away the safest form of sex.

In this era of Covid-19, simply breathing near someone else can be dangerous. Plus, you could catch a cold or the flu without even touching anyone.


Covid-19

If you touch someone, the danger increases. You can end up with jock itch, crabs (little insects that live in body hair and are hard to get rid of), or monkeypox.

If you kiss, or do anything involving contact with the genitals, the danger increases yet again, including rather horrible skin diseases, and herpes, a life-long annoyance.

Finally, if you mix bodily fluids, or have any sort of sexual penetration, the risk is even higher. You could catch AIDS. Contrary to popular belief, AIDS is not just something that happens among gay men. That disease can be contracted by men or women and from men or women.

So, if you can be satisfied with solo masturbation, that’s your best bet. Unlike partner sex, you can masturbate when, where and how you want. You can do it absolutely your way, with no need to compromise.

However, if you do want to engage in mutual masturbation, you’re still safer than engaging in other sexual activities.

Mutual masturbation takes many forms, but the most common are:

0. Sharing and comparing. This is not masturbation at all, but you and your friends may like to look at each other naked, noticing breast and nipple size, vaginal shape, ass shape, and the amount of hair on your bodies.

1. Playing doctor. This is surprisingly common among young children. The adult version is to get naked with a friend or several friends, and pretend you are undergoing a medical exam or procedure that involves the genitals. With the youngsters, playing doctor is not necessarily masturbatory or even sexual. With adults, anything can happen!

2. You and one or more friends are near each other, possibly watching conversing while each person only touches themselves.

3. You masturbate your friend, and then your friend masturbates you. This way, you each get to enjoy the full feelings of being touched, without having to focus on satisfying the other person at the same time.


4. You get in a position where each is masturbating the other at the same time.

Assuming you have a brother, sister, cousin or friend who is interested, yet can respect your privacy by not blabbing to old-school people who could cause trouble, they can be your masturbation partner.

Quite often, mutual masturbation can include mouth-to-genital activities. Typically, this would be sucking on a penis, known as ‘blowjob’ or ‘fellatio,’ or licking a vagina, known as ‘going down on,’ ‘eating out,’ or ‘cunnilingus.’ This is more risky, and I’d really suggest avoiding anything oral. Since you can give and get delightful orgasms strictly with hands, there’s no need for anything more.

It is a bad idea to masturbate with anyone younger than 18 years old. You can get in legal trouble for being sexual with an underage person. Oddly, sexual activity, even if just mutual masturbation, between someone younger than 18, and someone older, can have unexpected lifelong psychological consequences.

If someone older wants to masturbate, or do anything sexual with you, and you don’t want it, you are well within your rights to say “No.” If that person bothers you continually, badgers you, tries to blackmail you, or physically forces you to get sexual in any way, that’s rape. If you feel this might happen, let a responsible authority know the details of your concern.

Just to be safe, I’d recommend washing your hands before and after mutual masturbation.

If you’re masturbating with a woman, you can do the same things to her that you enjoy. Remember, for most women, starting very gentle is best, and slowly working up to the intensity of stimulation she wants. She may really enjoy non-masturbatatory activity first, such as touching or massaging her whole body such as her arms, legs, back, neck, even her face and head.

If you’re masturbating with a man, you’ll find that they enjoy handjobs. You might start by very light touching of the scrotum, then the tip of the penis. He will become erect if he isn’t already, meaning his penis will harden and become larger. This does not hurt the man, and indicates he is experiencing a level of sexual expectation or pleasure. You can move your hand up and down on the loose skin of his penis. When men orgasm, semen shoots out of the end of their penis. Avoid getting that semen anywhere around your vagina, so you don’t end up having a baby.

Woman's Guide to Masturbation - Masturbating a Man

In general, men are more focused on their genitals. They like having their balls, dicks, and maybe their assholes stimulated directly, and aren’t as interested as women are in whole body experiences. Where as you might really enjoy having someone touching your sides, breasts, ass, back, neck, legs, arms and hands, touched, that usually has less effect on men.

The men will quite often start off too rough with you. It can be a real turn-off. Remind the man that women are different, they like to start with very gentle whole-body touching.

The men can also become insistent. They quite often want to violate common sense, and will try to talk you into intercourse. Let a man know in no uncertain terms, as early as you can, that you don’t want to take that risk, and that if he insists, everything good stops right away. If he doesn’t stop, it is rape, a very serious legal problem for him.

I shouldn’t even have to mention this, but if you find yourself in a situation where intercourse is going to happen, you’ll want to make sure to use a proper contraceptive. That’s something that will supposedly prevent pregnancy. Contraceptives are not perfect. They fail all too often.

The most common contraceptive is condoms, also known as ‘rubbers.’ These are thin rubber coverings that a man can unroll over his penis. That will (supposedly) keep his semen – containing his sperm – within the condom, and not let it into your vagina. A condom is not much help when it comes to crabs, herpes, and a variety of other diseases.


Woman's Guide to Masturbation, Applying a Condom
Applying a condom

What if I want to masturbate with a woman? Does that make me gay?

Not necessarily. Many women have had woman-to-woman experiences, yet they end up happily married to a man. Of course if you are gay, also known as ‘lesbian,’ that’s become much more acceptable in today’s society. There’s nothing morally wrong with lesbianism. The only problem you may run into is that there are people in our society who are very down on things they don’t understand, and may give you a hard time.

What’s the scoop on pornography?

Why do we watch porn?

  • Curious of what others have
  • Curious of what the other sex has
  • What is sex “really” like?
  • It’s exciting
  • We know it is naughty, this turns us on even more
  • Risk of getting caught is exciting even if it is scary
  • Helps me fantasize, turns me on, makes me really horny

Is porn real?

Much of porn is staged, faked. Some is totally real. It is very hard to tell the difference. The bottom line is that it is entertainment. Many of the porn actors are not typical. They may have overly large breasts or dicks, they may shoot out extraordinary amounts of semen, they may have amazing staying power before they orgasm, they may scream and yell and carry on, they may be especially good looking, and so on.

Some porn is very degrading to women. Those who consistently watch such porn could assume that all women love giving men blowjobs without reciprocation, that it’s OK to slap or hit women, and that it’s all about the man’s pleasure. That kind of porn should be totally avoided.

The better kind of porn portrays men and women as equals. She is entitled to as much pleasure as he is getting. He should treat her as kindly as she treats him. Together, they can explore some crazy and unusual things, but they do it together as partners.

There is also gay porn, porn involving many people, and the less common sexual activities such as anal sex, bondage, and playing with sex toys. This porn should follow along the same lines: Men and women should treat each other equally and with respect.

Porn addiction

Masturbation is not usually addictive. Pornography may be addictive. Here’s how you can tell that you’ve become addicted: If your lifestyle or relationships have changed, if you’re doing poorly at work or in school, or don’t have as much time for your friends and family, you may be addicted.

Most addictions are so difficult to overcome that you’ll need professional help. It may be difficult to bring it up with other responsible adults, but that’s the place to start. Addictions, whether eating disorders, drug use, or sexual disorders are not something to be ashamed of. They happen to millions of people. In fact, you can be very proud that you’re seeking help.

What happens after an orgasm?

A variety of thing can happen. Not all of these will happen to you although some of these may happen sometimes:

1. You may cry. This isn’t necessary sad or happy crying. It’s just something that can happen after an orgasm.

2. You may immediately want another orgasm.

3. You may not want an orgasm, or to do anything sexual, for anywhere from a few minutes, to many days.

4. You may have mild pain or itching. That will go away soon. If in the very rare circumstance you feel great pain, you may need to see a doctor.

5. You may feel guilty. This is unfortunately common. It’s due to the influence on you from all the old-school misinformation still hanging around that masturbation is supposedly bad.

6. You may feel weak or tired. This can happen after your first orgasms. If it happens later on, you might want to look at other lifestyle issues. Perhaps you’re stressed, not getting enough sleep, or not eating a fully nutritious diet.

What if something isn’t quite right?

As human beings, we tend to worry about things. 99% of the things we worry about turn out to be nothing. Sexual matters tend to be worse, because we are reluctant to discuss them with our friends, family members, doctors, or any other adult.

If you have a concern, communication is the best approach. Most of the time, when you express your worry, it can put your worries to bed. For instance, when my mother had her first period, and blood came out, she was convinced she was going to die. She reluctantly told her mother about it, who assured her that it was entirely normal. You may have other concerns, perhaps a discharge, an itch, or a concern that you have caused damage due to an usual masturbation technique. Let a medical professional if needed, assure you that you’re OK. It’s worth discussing, because it will take a load off your mind.

What if I need to see a doctor?

Woman's Guide to Masturbation - Medical Issues

Doctors are there to help you, not to hurt you.

They see breasts, vaginas and anuses every single day, they will not have any sexual charge, or any concern about seeing yours. They will maintain your privacy while being examined. Only the doctor, possibly a chaperone, and anyone who you specifically allow will be present while you’re examined.

Doctors cannot tell, and don’t care if you have masturbated.

Doctors masturbate as well.

We mentioned misinformation once or twice. Here are some common misbeliefs:

  • I will lose my eyesight.
  • God will chop my hands off.
  • Masturbation makes me bald, sick, hair on my palms.
  • Bad for my health.
  • Stunts my growth.
  • Stops my breasts growing.
  • Affects puberty.
  • My parents can smell if I have masturbated.

Are there unsafe masturbation practices?

Yes, totally.

  • Your urethra (peehole) is very susceptible to infection. It is best not to stick anything into the urethra. If you must do so, make sure the object is sterile and smooth. The urethral walls can tear easily, and bleed profusely.
  • It is possible to put something in your anus or vagina that you can’t remove. Things with sharp edges are especially problematic for obvious reasons. If you must put big things in, make sure a string is firmly attached so you can pull it back out. Better yet, don’t put big things in there.
  • Any sort of exchange of bodily fluids with another person could cause you a lifetime of illness.
  • There is no need to combine masturbation with use of drugs, alcohol, or dangerous practices such as cutting. Masturbation by itself is totally enjoyable.
  • When it comes to mutual masturbation or other forms of two-person sex, be very careful who you associate with. Some people are terribly abusive.
  • Keep your masturbation private. In the heat of the moment, you may let someone participate who will blab all over over town, or worse, post your pictures or video on the Internet. You can never undo that.

So, what are some safe masturbation practices?

  • Add peeing into your masturbation practice. Playing with peeing is often called ‘watersports.’
  • Masturbate outdoors in a safe and secluded space.
  • Lay on one or more pillows, and rub against them, called pillow humping.
  • Edging. This is the idea of getting close to orgasm, but putting it off for as long as you can.
  • Masturbate on webcam, but only with a trusted friend. Do not keep recordings of your masturbatory times. It is best not to show your face on webcam.
  • Expand your fantasy life while masturbating.
  • Medibation is the combination of meditation and masturbation. It can take any form you wish from mindful masturbation, to letting your mind be as clear as you can while masturbating.
  • It is possible to read, listen to music, watch videos, and even study or work on a computer while masturbating.
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Create Your Own Story

Hi Folks! Jeremy and I would love to hear your stories. Please write a story in the comment area below, or you can send direct to me using jenelle@prowank.com.

You do not need to identify yourself but you can if you wish. Your story can be a true memoir, how-to information, fiction, or whatever you want. It would be great if you could let us know whether it’s true or fiction, however. It can be from any perspective.

The length can be anything from a sentence to a complete ebook.

If you’d like to include video or pictures, that would be great. Email them to us.

Please don’t send any copyrighted material unless you are the owner. Don’t send pictures of anyone without their full permission, and the knowledge that their pictures may be copied throughout the Internet. Once a picture is posted on a website, it can be impossible to get rid of it.

Let us know whether it is OK or not to edit your story.

We can’t pay anything for your submissions, and do not guarantee to publish every one, but we’ll do our best to publish anything that’s of reasonable quality.

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The Masturbate-A-Thon

World’s Greatest Naked Party

by Jeremy J. Watson

Your author attended the world’s greatest party, and it was probably nothing like what you may be thinking. There were no drugs, and no alcohol. It wasn’t an orgy. There was some music, but that wasn’t the focus. Instead, it was 120 people who got naked and masturbated together for charity.

How It All Started

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Once a year, the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco hosts a big party in which more than a hundred men and women, mostly strangers, of all ages and from all walks of life, come together and masturbate. One year, I attended. The sexual energy in the room was super-high, yet it was the safest group sex imaginable. It was without a doubt the best party I’ve ever attended. I’ll tell you all about it – the people who were there, what they said, what they did, even down to the ways they actually masturbated. Some were quite unique!

You might like to know how such a party came about. So, let’s start with the history of the Masturbate-A-Thon.

Back in 1994, U.S. Attorney General Dr. Joycelin Elders was asked at a United Nations conference on AIDS whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity. She said, “I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught.”

That’s all. Seeming innocuous, right? Well, many people got all in a twist about that, including President Clinton, who promptly fired her. To be fair, she had made other slightly controversial statements in the past. The administration must have felt that talking about masturbation in any way, shape or form made her a loose cannon.

So now, she’s a professor of pediatrics, and most of the modern world continues to teach only very limited abstinence-only sex education, never giving young people the whole picture. And that’s even in light of the many studies that have proven time and again that abstinence-only is not working.

People will be sexual in one form or another. Doesn’t it make sense then, to de-stigmatize masturbation? If people can be taught that it is OK, it would certainly cut down on riskier sexual behavior. Don’t you think?

Dr. Joycelin Elders, Masturbate-a-thon

Dr. Joycelin Elders

Meanwhile, Dr. Elders accepts occasional speaking engagements about how our country, in fact the whole world, needs more well-rounded sex education.

When you think about it, she’s right, isn’t she? Isn’t masturbation a pretty good solution to many problems?

First, if people could be allowed to feel that masturbation is OK, then they might be able to relieve their sexual tensions, resulting in everything from less awkward social conversations (because we all get weird when we’re too horny), to reduction of unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases.

Fortunately, we are already in an age where masturbation has become a bit more mainstream. In the past, even though almost everyone engaged in it, we were all ashamed and quite often feeling guilty. To cover these emotions, many people would perpetuate the myth that masturbation is somehow a ‘bad’ thing.

For the longest time, if you were to ask practically anyone whether they engaged in masturbation, they’d universally answer “No!” even though they secretly masturbated all the time.

They punished their kids for masturbating, sometimes severely.

Some babies had their arms tied in cardboard carpet tubes so they wouldn’t touch their own genitals. You’ve probably heard that Kellog’s Corn Flakes was invented as a food that was supposed to reduce children’s interest in masturbation.

And yet, masturbation sessions eliminate social tension and unwanted pregnancies. Go figure! Furthermore, masturbation makes real sex, when it does occur, better. People know more about themselves. What feels good, what they want. And they learn to prevent premature ejaculation.

If that isn’t enough, a study done in 2003 indicates that men who masturbate several times a week have a lower incidence of prostate cancer.

Although your author can’t prove it, I believe masturbation also increases vitality and mental clarity.

But many people, maybe even most people, still feel guilty about it. Crazy stuff!

About a year after the US Surgeon General got canned, the the San Francisco-based nonprofit Center for Sex and Culture declared May as Masturbation Month, partly in response to what happened to Dr. Elders for speaking out about it.

Nothing much happened that year. A bit of publicity. A bit of smirking news coverage. But it set some quiet wheels in motion. In the next couple of years, the Center for Sex and Culture received more funding, and started hosting events – classes, workshops and parties celebrating positive sexuality. The primary goal: Let people get a balanced and educated knowledge of good sexuality, not the half-knowledge that exists in much of the world today.

Over the next few years, the Center’s range of activities grew. One year someone mentioned, “Wouldn’t it be something if there was a ‘masturbate-a-thon’ just like there are walk-a-thons?” The thread quickly became a major topic among some erudite individuals including Dr. Carol Queen, and Dr. Richard Lawrence. They are psychologists who specialize in sexual study and education.



Dr. Carol Queen

Photo credit: John L

We don’t know exactly how the idea evolved in the offices of the Center for Sex and Culture, but it probably went something like this:

“Just like a walk-a-thon, people could have their friends, family and co-workers sign pledge forms. Except, instead of paying a certain amount per mile, it could be per orgasm.”

“Or, per minute.”

“Oh, right, that would be much easier to monitor.”

“Or, they could just pledge a flat rate.”

“Sure, that could work, too.”

“Imagine the positive publicity.” In the process of getting people to pledge, our volunteers would be bringing the topic of masturbation out in the open. They’d be legitimizing something that has been badly and inappropriately stigmatized for so long.”

“Now, you’re preaching to the choir.”

“Yes, but you see what I mean, right? This would be an excellent grass roots way to spread the word. To start meaningful conversations about masturbation.”

“For sure.”

“So, how would this work, exactly?”

“Well, hmm. I suppose we could pick a date. Like May 25. Everyone gets pledges until that day. Then they go home, wank, tell their plegees what they accomplished [laughs], collect the money, and mail it to us.”

“Yah, like who’s going to do that? I mean, sure they may talk about it, the people may pledge, and the people will go home and masturbate, but then what? Do you think we’ll actually get some money?”

“Even if we didn’t get a penny, we’d be doing a lot to spread the message that masturbation isn’t a ‘bad’ thing, but actually a ‘good’ thing.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. We have this building, and for that matter, we can rent bigger buildings.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Right, we hold an actual public event. People could come to a party-like event on May 25th or whatever, and we all jerk off together. A bunch of strangers in the room, wanking. What publicity that would bring! And what a positive event for those who have always wanted to masturbate among others in a safe environment.”

“We could do that, but do we dare?”

“People are becoming more enlightened, but would the public be ready for this?”

“Well, I’m thinking that all of San Francisco wouldn’t participate, at least not the first year. But certainly some people would.”

“I’m thinking, what if we combine both ideas? Everyone can get pledges. Some can wank at home. That would be the people who are just to shy to jerk off in public. But those with more exhibitionist tendencies could come to our group meeting.”

“What about entertainment? Celebrities? I know Nina Hartley. She was a huge porn star about ten years ago. Now she’s authoring sex-positive books. I’ll bet she’d come to this. Maybe even be a headliner. Maybe even help with promotion.”



Nina Hartley, photo credit: dirtybob@dirtybob.com

“Cool.”

“Maybe we could get some pole dancers.”

“And a live rock band or jazz band or two.”

“Geez, imagine the publicity we could get!”

“Hey, and we could hold competitions. Like who can last the longest.”

“And which man can shoot the farthest.”

“And who can have the most orgasms.”

“Don’t you think that the number of orgasms would hard to monitor?”

“Who cares? There would have to be parts of this whole thing in which we trust people. Especially whether the people who pledge would actually pay. So I say, let’s just trust people.”

“People will love a public space that validates masturbation.”

“What a way to de-stigmatize self-love!”

Well, as you can imagine, the conversation continued. The board of directors became emboldened, and finally, they unanimously voted to hold the first ever Masturbate-A-Thon on May 21, 2000.

A website announcing the event was created. Flyers were created and distributed in a few places. Local media were sent press releases.

And the Masturbate-A-Thon became real. It was to be, “a comfortable and good-humored event.” It did happen. And it went on every May for a few years and no doubt improved with age.

One day seven years after the original Masturbate-A-Thon, your author, who lived only 30 miles away at the time, saw a link to the Masturbate-A-Thon website from a San Francisco Weekly article that said, in part:

“The Masturbate-a-thon [is] a sort of utopia, in which the sexual energy in the room builds, and the different masturbators inspire and arouse each other, and nobody’s touching and yet everyone is there, together, surfing the orgasm wave.”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. This was exactly in line with my vague dreams that people ought to be able to masturbate together if they want. And so on May 20, 2007, I went on down to San Francisco.

Getting Pledges

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Whoa, back up a second! The story starts a bit before May 20, 2007 for me. The day I found out, I downloaded and printed out a pledge form. Now, I didn’t have to get pledges, but I wanted to. You see, according to what I read at the website, I could have simply paid $40 as a flat pledge for myself at the door.

But that felt like cheating, and it sidestepped the purpose. Remember, the real purpose of the Masturbate-A-Thon was to bring public awareness of the positive aspects of masturbation. And by getting pledges, that’s exactly what would happen.

The first two pledges were easy. I signed up a guy who I had wanked with a time or two. I signed up a female co-worker with whom I had a very good conversational relationship. She and I had talked about masturbation in various contexts before. My guy friend was willing to pledge $0.05 per minute, and she came in with a whopping $0.10. It doesn’t sound like much, but I figured I might be able to jerk off non-stop for an hour or more. OK, so it still doesn’t sound like much, and it wasn’t.

Then it got a little harder. Imagine telling some of your more conservative friends that you’re going to go to a public venue, jerk off, and you want them to pay for it! To say I was nervous about bringing it up would be a big understatement. In fact, I delayed for a few days.

Then one evening, about six friends and I had been throwing a frisbee around in the park, and as darkness overtook us, we sat down on the lawn and started talking about various things, as we did every reasonably warm Wednesday evening. We were laughing, having a good time, and someone made a typical little joke about jerking off. Bang! That was my cue. I unfolded the pledge form from my pocket, and started my pitch.

“How much would someone have to pay you to masturbate in public?”

Dead silence.

“Really! Let me explain why I asked.”

At that point I explained the Masturbate-A-Thon, starting with the Center for Sex and Culture, and what they do for a positive sexual attitude. My little group agreed that was good. Then I just told them about the Masturbate-A-Thon, as if it would be something that some people would do (not me of course). But then I dropped the bomb. I simply said, “I’m going,” and passed around my pledge sheet.

Guess what? Every one of my six friends signed it. The somewhat wealthy fellow in the group offered $1.25 per minute.

The gathering of pledges had the desired side-effect. Franklin, a thin man with a British accent, and the most gregarious among us, admitted to masturbating frequently. He also volunteered that he is bisexual. That opened the discussion about masturbation, especially the benefits of masturbation, which carried on a good fifteen minutes.

Then, I offered to give some of them a ride to the Masturbate-A-Thon. We could carpool. That was my round-about way of trying to get some of them to come along. A couple of my friends said “no way” right away. The remaining four said they’d think about it. As May 21 approached, however, no one was willing to come along.

But I was 100% gung-ho. Couldn’t wait!

Arriving Early

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You might like to know a bit more about me. I don’t usually like parties. I’m not one for getting drunk, and trying to converse over loud music. No thank you. But this was a party I had to attend, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to be a bunch of drunks talking too loud. In fact, alcohol wasn’t allowed.

Back in 2007, I was just a bit over 50 years old, maybe ten or twelve pounds overweight, but quite fit overall, medium height, male, white, bearded, and balding on top. Nothing much to look at, to be sure.

I’ve always liked to be on time or a little bit early for events. But this was a great big deal for me. Plus, it was an hour away, with traffic and all. For some reason, I couldn’t help myself. I arrived a full hour early. Got my car parked, and knocked on the door at the address provided. It was an unmarked warehouse. I wasn’t quite sure I had the right building. I was looking for a sign that said “Center for Sex and Culture,” or maybe at least a paper flyer announcing the Masturbate-A-Thon. But this was just a small gray metal door on a three-story dark brick building.

So I knocked, not knowing what would happen, especially with me being early. I heard someone running down stairs inside, and shortly, the door opened. I was greeted by a twenty-something thin woman with long frizzy black hair, dressed like a hippie from the summer of love in Haight-Asbury in 1967.

Being not quite sure I had the right address, I sheepishly asked whether this was the place for the Masturbate-A-Thon, while furiously trying to figure out how I would backpedal from that, if I did have the wrong address. But she said it was. Whew! She said, “But it doesn’t start until 4pm.”

“I know. I though maybe you could use a volunteer.”

“Hmm, let me check.”

She closed the door, and I stood there on the blazing hot sidewalk for probably three whole minutes until she returned. She said, “Welcome, come on up!”

I had absolutely no idea what to expect. She and I went through a brief industrial-like hallway with no decorations, and bland beige paint. We went up what seemed a rather long staircase. Maybe it was just seemed long because I was nervous. At the top was a typical converted warehouse. There were walls dividing some of the huge area into sections. Our stairs led us to a small foyer of sorts, containing a desk made out of a portable table and a few chairs. From there, led open doorways. Next to some of the doors were paper signs. One said “Masturbatorium.” Another said “Press Room.” Yet another said “Coat Check.” Most of the doorways didn’t have doors or the doors were propped fully open. The door to the coat check room was a Dutch door, with the bottom half closed. The top surface of the bottom half of the door had been made in to a narrow tabletop. I was to discover more about that soon enough.

No one was at the desk. In fact, no one was in the foyer except the dark-haired young woman, who saw me pause to look around. She beckoned me into the masturbatorium. That was a large room, perhaps 3,000 square feet, larger than a typical 7-11 convenience store. There were a couple of homemade walls partitioning off some small rooms in the corner. There was a wide variety of easy chairs, sofas, and large cushions on the floor, all of which looked like they were ‘rescues.’ None of them were torn or badly stained, but you could see they were old and well-used.

The room smelled like a typical old warehouse, vaguely reminiscent of sawdust. There was an assortment of lighting in the room, and I do mean ‘assortment.’ While the overall lighting was subdued, there was a wide variety of ceiling fixtures, floor lamps, and table lamps strewn about, plus some Christmas lights and reflector balls strung up here and there. There were a number of posters on the walls, most suggestively but not overtly sexual. I noticed that all the windows had been covered with cardboard or thin plywood or something, painted to match the gray walls on the inside.

It took a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the lower light, having come in from a rare sunny San Francisco afternoon. After my eyes adjusted to the lower light, and I noticed the furniture, next I noticed the people. There were about eight people in the room. One woman was scurrying across the large room with a handcart stacked with cases of soda. Another was pulling a hundred bed sheets out of a half-dozen big wicker baskets. A guy who looked sort of like me was running some sort of thing that looked like an oversized carpet sweeper across the wooden floor. When he came to the various shag and oval rugs strewn about, he just went right over them. Being one who is fascinated by mechanical things of all sorts, I’d have to check that machine out later. I’d never seen anything quite like it. But what really caught my eye was two guys with a ladder. The somewhat overweight youngish white fellow on the floor was wearing a toolbelt bristling with pliers, screwdrivers and such things over his bluejeans. He was handing the end of a wire up to the guy on the ladder. The guy on the ladder was quite black. I’d guess he had 100% African ancestry. He appeared to be about 40 years old, had short black hair and looked quite fit – like someone who really works for a living. Oh, and one other thing. He was not circumcised. How did I know that? Because he was stark naked, and sporting an erection!

I didn’t notice that a guy had come up behind me. He yelled, “Robert!” I jumped about six inches in the air!

Robert Lawrence came out of a side room. He was tall but not overly tall, appeared to be in his late 50s, had short hair and was wearing nothing but a bathrobe.

The volunteer next to me said, “Robert, we have a new volunteer. What would you like him to do?”

I introduced myself. Somehow, I felt like I was in the presence of a movie star. I had heard of Robert Lawrence, now here he was talking to me in the flesh. He was a bit brusque, or harried, or hurried. Of course, I could understand. It was less than an hour to ‘showtime.’ After a super-quick introduction, he called over the guy pushing the floor sweeper, and had me take over the task. I was actually delighted, since I kind of wanted to play with that machine. The volunteer explained that the floor had to be scrupulously clean, since a lot of barefoot people would be walking around shortly. So I started pushing the machine across the room. It had wheels that turned brushes in front and on the sides. Fun!

Upon completing that task, I was assigned to help out Keith. Keith was the guy who had been on the ladder. He was still on the ladder, but in a different location. He was stringing microphone cables for the video crew. His helper had left, so I was his new floor man. Keith introduced himself with a flourish. He was instantly likeable. We got done with a couple of cables, then he had to string some extension cords for lights.

I couldn’t just work with a fellow with a big erection without saying something, so I said, “Great erection!” He smiled. I was expecting some sort of explanation or dissembling or something, but got nothing. He just got off the ladder, and started walking toward a service elevator. He asked me to come along, as he had two boxes of extension cords to bring up. We went down in the elevator and out into the street! Wait a second. Keith was totally naked and still quite erect! But then I remembered, this was San Francisco, one of the few places where nudity is totally legal. (I think public nudity was changed back into a misdemeanor in 2012.) He walked the sidewalk to a parked van and extracted a box, asking me to grab the other box.

Back to the elevator, but we had to wait a bit, since someone else was using it. Keith started telling me his situation. He was from Los Angeles, California, and attends the Masturbate-A-Thon every year. He volunteered because he enjoys volunteering for things like this. He had been there since noon. Oddly, as we talked, his dick was staying hard. I liked seeing that. Like everyone, I’m on the bisexual scale. OK, some people are 99% hetro, and some 99% gay, but everyone is somewhere on that scale. I lean more toward women than men, but completely appreciate a male body, especially what I considered an exotic one, with a hardon.

We rode up in the elevator with an ordinary snack food delivery person with a handtruck of cartons. This guy was riding in a freight elevator with two men he’d never met, one of which was naked and erect. He handled it well. Never said a word, never seemed shocked.

After setting down the boxes of cords, Keith asked me to move the ladder. Robert was nearby and gave me a stern look, and said, rather gruffly, to not scratch the floor (the old, unpainted wooden, way-already-scratched-up floor). I was a bit embarrassed because I had dragged the ladder, but a bit upset about being ‘yelled at’ by Robert. I started to believe that Robert, although a nice guy, can be grouchy, especially just before an event is to start.

After a while, Keith had lost his spontaneous erection, and it didn’t seem to matter a bit to him whether he was hard or not. Oh, I wish I could be that free in my mind about such things!

I wasn’t quite sure what to do at this point. Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I wanted to join Keith in nudity, but on the other hand, none of the other volunteers were naked. Hmmm. Finally, I took all my clothes off, and draped them over the back of a sofa. No erection, but I still felt a bit weird, so a few minutes later, I put them back on.

Keith dispatched me to the library to get a box of lightbulbs. I found the little room and was quite impressed. There were perhaps a thousand books and DVDs in there, and you guessed it, every single one had something to do with sex. I couldn’t resist browsing a page or two.

Next, Robert had a Salamander. This is a big propane heater and fan on wheels. He wanted me to guide his extension cord so he could blow heat into all the corners of the room, and the little rooms on the side. He explained that people are more comfortable taking their clothes off when the room is warm. Of course! But, I wouldn’t have thought of that.

Most of the hour before 4pm was used up. I was asked to sign in so the volunteers manning the administration desk could get some practice. I presented my pledge sheet. It was photocopied, rubber stamped and given back to me. I presented ID, which was also photocopied. I was given a wrist band that said I was an official participant! Neat-o! I also signed an optional model release form. This was because they had set up a platform as a stage. If anyone wanted to appear in the live Internet feed, and subsequent videos that might be made, they had to sign the form. That earned me another wrist band of a different color. I didn’t really think I’d ever be brave enough to show up nude on an international video feed, but signing up for that was free, and it would be nice to be prepared, just in case.

Next was the coat check. Actually, clothing check. I was directed to the room with the half-closed dutch door, and given a paper bag with a number on it, and a corresponding number on yet another wrist tag. I was instructed to take off all my clothes except my shoes or socks if I preferred, and put them in the bag. I felt a little vulnerable being at such a weird event, and have all my clothes, wallet, keys and everything in the charge of someone else! But I felt I could trust the volunteers in the clothing check room. I also felt vulnerable because besides Keith, I was now the only one who was naked, among a group that had swelled to about 20 volunteers. I found out that many were psychology interns with an interest in sexology, and they were working off a few of their 2,500 required internship hours before they could practice as professional psychologists. At first I felt a bit strange about that. Like I was their lab rat. But, I soon forgot about that.

I was called to the refreshment tables, to help put pretzels, candies and such things in bowls, as the very first members of the general public start streaming into the foyer.

The Masturbate-A-Thon

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Sometimes volunteering can be a bad thing. Or more specifically, it can feel weird. Or at least it did in this case. I was one of only two naked people, and the other one, Keith, had disappeared into a back room on a last-minute errand with the video people. Now, fully-clothed people were coming in off the street. Oh, how I wished I hadn’t so cheerfully offered to be the first person registered!

I probably should have been proud of being naked and free. I could have been overjoyed to be so fully expressing my exhibitionist tendency. Or fantasy, really. But no, I have to admit I was a bit freaked out. It’s as if I had been caught in junior high school pulling a prank that went too far, and was about to go to the principal’s office. I thought about going back to the library to kind of hide. I even took a couple of footsteps in that direction. But no, that was chicken-shit. I had to stick it out. At least my penis wasn’t sticking out. It had shriveled to about the smallest it could be. Maybe if it had fluffed up a little, that would have been nice.

Fortunately, my concerned state didn’t last long. People were getting registered, and a few individuals already had their clothing check bags in hand. Some were undressing right away. Others were kind of hanging back, as if to check whether it was really OK to disrobe in public.

Nudity was starting to become normal in front of the clothing check door, and into the masturbatorium.

Did I mention that not only am I a bit of an exhibitionist, at least in my fantasies, but also a voyeur? You bet! And I was delighted to see who was coming in. A very fit white guy, about 32 years old, about 5′ 11″ or 6′ 0″ feet tall was now totally naked. A really cool fellow who looked to be Hispanic, quite thin, about 50 years old was next. Then we had a short 20-something white woman with very long dark hair and a plump butt was next. Oh, look at that, she’s totally shaved! Then a sixty-something, heavyset gentleman. And a tall woman, perhaps 45 years old. Slightly saggy but large breasts, but I’m not a judge. I just notice these things. Then a waif. That’s how I describe her. Wait, I recognized her. She was one of the volunteers. She was now totally disrobed. She was very thin, couldn’t have been even five feet tall, with long, straight blond hair, small breasts, and a confident smile. Nice! A couple of older gents, perhaps in their seventies. A redheaded couple. Could they be brother and sister? He appeared to be of average height, just a touch overweight, like myself. He had very red curly hair, a bit of rosacia (natural redness) in his face too, and wearing nothing but glasses. His sister was an absolute knock-out. She had the same curly red hair, on her vagina too. She was of medium build, curvy but not fat, excellent rounded breasts that almost looked air-filled, and had beautiful big blue eyes.

And they kept coming in. I believe all-in-all, around 120 people showed up. They started filling the masturbatorium.

Most of the people were going for time. Their pledges were about how many minutes they could masturbate. No one told us whether we should start, wait for a signal, or just how this works. I was a bit surprised to find out that the interns didn’t really know what was going on either. Robert and Carol were nowhere to be found. I believe they had been detained in the press room.

So, some people had staked out the best looking sofas and were lazily just stroking themselves a little bit. A few erections here and there. Many people were standing in groups talking. Some evidently knew each other. I suppose most of the ones who knew others, like the redheaded brother and sister, had arranged to come to this event together. But, I’ll bet some were shocked to see their friends and neighbors here! Imagine seeing your co-worker, for instance, someone you have ridden the bus with with every day, or faced across from your computer screen hour after hour, and suddenly they’re here and stark naked. And you’re naked! And you’re becoming erect. And her nipples are hard and pointed.

Keith was going to town. He had plopped himself in an old sheet-covered recliner. All of the furniture was covered in sheets and towels. He was there in his recliner with a great vantage point of the doorway from the foyer, so he could see people as they were coming in. And the first thing they probably saw was good-ole Keith, slowly stroking his penis, with a giant erection and a giant smile!

A few guys had sat cross-legged on cushions and were talking about motorcycles as some stroked themselves, and others just sat there, not touching themselves yet. Some were as soft as me, others were sporting erections. I joined this group, and as casually as if we were old friends, and as casually as if we were all clothed, we were talking about two-stroke versus four-stroke engines, and fuel injection, and well, motorcycle stuff. One fellow was really eye candy. He couldn’t have been more than twenty years old. He was slight of build, and had long blond hair, almost like a woman. He had shaved all his body hair, and had a thin but tall circumcized erection. He was idly squeezing the tip of his dick with the thumb and forefinger of one hand. After a moment, he switched to cupping and gently squeezing his balls with one hand. Shortly after that, he pulled fairly hard and held down the skin of his dick, causing the head to shine like a polished apple.

Now, about a hundred people had all gotten naked and found positions around the room. Most were fifty years old or more, but some were quite young, like 18 – 20 years old. Many were heavyset, and of course, there were also some thin people. As you might expect, it was about seventy percent male. I’m glad there were enough women there so that they’d be comfortable. If only one or two women were present, they might have been rather freaked out, just as if only two men had showed up around a hundred women.

There was one thing that skewed the statistic a bit. There was a small room set aside for women who wanted privacy. About six women took up residence in that room. Although the doorway was open and one could see inside, people were all polite enough to not jam into the doorway and stare. Personally, I would rather have had the six women in the general group.

Finally, Robert and Carol came into the room, and announced that those people who were going for time, should start now. They said we could have five minute bathroom and snack breaks every hour. They said there’d be contests for the farthest distance a man can shoot, and most number of women’s and men’s orgasms. Also, an award would be given to the person who masturbates the longest. To finish their announcement, they reminded us of the good work that the Center for Sex and Culture was doing, how the money the Masturbate-A-Thon would be used, and thanked us for our participation.

Someone asked about what “tag-team” meant. For those who were interested, couples or larger groups, could give each other handjobs. For instance, a husband and wife could rub each other, and go for the tag-team time or number of orgasms record.

Then Carol reminded those who were interested in recording number of orgasms to find an intern who would be their monitor. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it? To masturbate in front of a stranger who is intently watching you?

Carol and Robert went back to the press room, and a few clothed people with cameras and notebooks followed them. I was told later that the people with cameras were very specifically told not to record anyone who was not wearing the green wrist banding indicating they had signed a release form.

I turned my attention back to the motorcycle group. I was somewhat surprised that while I had been stroking myself like everyone else was now doing, I didn’t get erect. I mean, with all that charged energy in the room, you’d think I’d not only grow a giant boner, but I’d have cum by now. I wasn’t even close. Weird. I guess it is because all my life in locker rooms, at various nude beaches, and so on, I have taught myself not to become erect in public.

After a while, I drifted away from the group and visited Keith. He seemed blissed out on his recliner, but when I walked by he said, “Hi.” So, we started talking. It turns out he was a fighter pilot in the Vietnam war. (I had no idea he was that old, he looks much younger.) He had been shot. Flack came right through the fuselage and hit him in the buttock and thigh. He showed me the scars. I showed him my knee where I had been shot. So we had that in common. What we did not have in common is that he is a celebrity. I should have recognized him, but I guess all I really noticed was his big, shiny, black dick. He was just using the name “Keith” so people wouldn’t know who he was. When the occasional person came by and said, “Hey, are you…?” he’d say, “No, he just looks like me.” He asked me, and everyone else he spoke with at any length, not to reveal his identity, since if it became known that he was at the Masturbate-A-Thon, it might hurt his career. So, for this book, I’ll just keep calling him “Keith.”

The entertainment had started. There were some bands on the stage that I had not heard of. Mostly, they were good, although in some cases the sound wasn’t quite mixed to my satisfaction. Between bands, a couple of adult entertainers got on stage. One brash young man who I did not recognize, but who was probably somebody big in porn movies, got on stage and started dancing and waving his limp penis around. He tried to masturbate there on the stage, but no go, he couldn’t get hard. After seven or eight minutes of trying, he gave up.

One of our interns, the small, frizzy black haired girl came up. She opened her legs really wide, showing us her pussy and asshole in great detail, as if it was a show-and-tell demonstration. She then proceeded to stroke herself to a slow, but powerful orgasm, right there in front of everyone and the two video cameras. That got me. I was finally starting to develop a semi-erection.

More rock bands. Nina Hartley came on stage with a weird costume. She had short strips of black electrical tape making crosses across her nipples, her glasses, and some sort of girdle or neglege-like thing that had a big opening right over her pussy. All she did however, was talk for awhile about positive masturbation. No one was listening.

For a while, someone had been allowed to put a video camera in the women’s ‘private’ room, and one woman was rubbing herself and having orgasms like crazy. We could see it on a big screen erected over the stage.

At various times in the evening, videos were played on the screen, but they were mostly talking heads, music videos, or such mild pornography as to not be pornography at all.

Two hours in, and I was stroking away, yet I had never become fully hard. A few more stragglers had drifted in, but there were still only about a hundred people in the room. That’s because a few of the guys had ejaculated, lost their enthusiasm, and went home.

A guy got on stage with an upright piano and played beautiful honky-tonk music. That would have been worth the price of admission alone. He was all dressed in pinstripes, with suspenders and a bowler hat. I wonder if he wanted to be naked with all of us?

I only saw one couple tag-teaming. They were very involved with each other, and never really seemed to be in the room with the rest of us. In later years, the Masturbate-A-Thon eliminated tag-teaming. Handjobs aren’t fully qualified as masturbation, which by definition is ‘doing yourself.’

In the third hour, the redhead girl who had arrived with her brother took a spot on the floor, laying face down, with her legs spread wide. This was excellent! I could see her asshole very clearly, and I have a thing about assholes. Her butt was slim and tight. She was totally shaved, and her anus was small and had very little coloration. Just the way I like them. She had reached under her belly and was rubbing her clit. I didn’t know whether it was OK to stare as I wanked, so I got up the courage, walked around to the side she was facing, and asked her. She said, “Sure, knock yourself out.” In retrospect, I realize now that she was putting on a show. She wanted me to stare at her. So I kneeled down behind her where I could get a great view, as a few other guys piled in around me. That got me hard. Very hard. I almost came after a minute, Fortunately, I’m good at edging. I know when I’m getting close, so I backed off. After a while, she got up and walked back to join her brother. The two of them took chairs facing each other and rubbed themselves easily while staring into eath other’s eyes.

There were a few fully clothed reporters working the room. I was interviewed two times. I asked the reporters, one of which was a young female, whether they planed to join us in wanking. No, they decided to stay clothed. On principle, I guess. Then, I asked whether anyone else had asked the same thing. Yes, everyone kept asking them to join in the fun, that the only way to get the true story was to be one of us.

A heavyset woman of about 40 years and I got to talking. Her very young female Asian intern was right there watching and listening, because this woman was going for the record number of orgasms. She told me she had already had twelve, and was about to have another. Would I like to place my hand on her lower stomach and feel the contractions? You bet. So I did, and I felt her having an orgasm! The intern then reminded me that we aren’t really supposed to touch anyone else.

I had been reminded of that very thing a few minutes earlier. A nice older gentleman asked whether he could stroke my penis. I said, “Of course, I don’t see why not.” So he reached out, and very gently slid what’s left of my foreskin up and down. It felt very nice to be touched in that way by a stranger’s warm fingers. But after a half-minute or so, an intern came by, and said, “Sorry, no touching of others.”

In a way, that was a shame, but in another way, that was just right. This whole thing could have easily turned into an orgy if there had been no supervision. And that would generate bad publicity, not good publicity. Besides, wanking in the same room with others is absolutely awesome in its own right!

The Masturbate-A-Thon had what they called a ‘voyeurs’ area. People who just wanted to watch could pay $40 and sit on a set of bleachers behind a rope on one side of the room and watch. Personally, I don’t know how they could stand it. If I had been a voyeur, I would have marched back to the administration desk and said, “Let me in, I want to play!” But maybe the voyeurs are too shy, or for their own reasons, they don’t want, or don’t need to jerk off with us. At various times there were a dozen or twenty voyeurs.

There was a guy masturbating who I had seen on the Internet because he has attended other sex events in the San Francisco Bay Area and is somewhat of a sexual celebrity. And, of course, after deciding to participate in this event, I looked up similar events on the web. I thought his name was Culo, or Cusco, or something like that, but because of a loud band playing in the background, I couldn’t quite tell when he introduced himself. He had a strong accent. I have since heard that he is Yuma, a software engineer who moved from Argentina. He appears to be in his early thirties. He has dark shiny smooth skin, and a very strong build. No doubt he is a bodybuilder. From what I had seen on the Internet, he likes to wear a cockring, and tonight was no exception. It was amazing to see him in person. He has a tall, confident, commanding presence. And his penis is very large! This guy is the ultimate exhibitionist. I’ve heard, in fact seen, video clips of him masturbating right out in the streets of San Francisco. He was on the floor on his hands and knees, facing away the voyeurs section so they had a clear view of his anus. And he was working a dildo in and out. Very, very sexual.

Five hours in, and I hadn’t cum yet! I was amazed and proud of myself. I had been erect for much of the past two hours. I had no idea that I might qualify for the record, which I had been told was around seven hours, but here I was already at five hours of wanking. So, now I was starting to think that I ought to earnestly pursue the record.

Another few grunts and a yell. A guy ejaculated. It was fun to watch a guy squirting cum only a few feet away from me. He got soft, and went home. This was becoming increasingly common.

I hadn’t seen Keith in a while. I guess he came once or twice, finally lost the spirit, and went home. It had already been a long day for him.

During a bathroom break, I had to walk out the masturbatorium doorway to the foyer area where the refreshments table and bathrooms were located. The doorway was rather clogged with mostly clothed people. These were people from the press, technical support people, such as the video personnel, people just arriving or leaving, and voyeurs. It was quite narrow, and the venue was loud. So there I was walking with a beautiful erection in front of everyone. It was heaven for the exhibitionist part of me! But I had to get through the crowd. I tried saying “excuse me” a couple of times, but no one could hear unless I shouted, and I didn’t think that would be quite right. So I just pressed in, and people slowly parted so I could get through. But not before I bumped my penis into a couple of clothed people. The feeling was indescribable. Oh, not the physical sensation. I barely felt anything with my penis. But the psychology. Oh the psychological effect! There I was bumping strangers with my proud erection, and it was OK. Kind of normal in a way. Fantastic!

I was still hard when I got to the bathroom. For some reason, the bathroom had only one urinal and one toilet. There must have been more bathrooms elsewhere, but I never did figure out where. Anyway, there was a bit of a line, and you could see the people in there doing their business. After a brief wait, I was able to approach the toilet. I found it a little hard to pee with an erection plus people not only staring at me, but wanting me to finish quickly so they could pee. So it took a moment, but finally, I did pee. And my hardon was starting to subside.

A quick visit to the snack table, and I was back in action in the masturbatorium again. Unfortunately, the doorway was not blocked this time. But then again, I wasn’t hard now, either.

Back in the masturbatorium, I had a nice visit with a lady who was probably well over 70 years old. She was overweight and hairy. Not much to look at, but a very sweet individual. She was sitting in a high-backed chair against a wall rubbing her clit.

It was approaching 10pm, and I noticed a late arrival for the first time. This was a very tall, thin, dark-skinned Asian woman, with perky breasts, wearing nothing but a cowboy hat. She strolled past, rubbing her black, hairy but trimmed vagina as she walked. I would have thought I’d died and gone to heaven if I could have just sat down and watched her while I wanked, but there were so many guys following her around, I gave up on the idea. It was enough just to see her in her entirety for a moment. I hope she was enjoying all the male attention. In fact, I’m rather certain she was very much enjoying the attention.

Now, Nina Hartley, the porn star from several years ago, was on the stage and giving a guy a nice handjob. I don’t quite understand how she could do that and not be breaking the rules, but then again, she was the star. And she still looked great. The guy ejaculated, and left the stage. She asked whether anyone else would like to visit her on the stage. My hormones ruled. I was up there in a heartbeat. Who would have figured? Me, a generally shy average-looking guy, stark naked on a stage, about to do something sexual with Nina Hartley!

She asked what I liked, and I told her. I tried to think of something she could do that wouldn’t cause me to ejaculate. At the time I was fascinated with testicle massage. She offered to do it right there and then, in front of the Internet feed going out to the whole world. Chances are, thousands of people were watching, because the event was well publicized online. I slouched in a chair with my legs wide apart as she Kneeled in front of me. Nina Hartley! A clothed camera guy got right up next to me for a close up, but I was completely fine with that. Proud in fact.

Nina’s touch was electrifying. She started out with a very soft tickle-light touching of my scrotum. My dick was sticking straight up, rock hard, and jerking back and forth occasionally. She was expert enough not to touch it. Because I would have squirted right away. Then she started in earnest. She really knew what I meant about testicle massage. I’ve had several men and women massage my balls, and they never seem to get it quite right. Most never get up the nerve to squeeze hard enough. They are afraid they’ll hurt, or even injure me. The few who do use enough pressure are not aware that there are sensitive spots on the top back sides of the balls where the cords attach. If those spots are squeezed, it is quite ouchy.

Oh, but Nina was an expert. She was squeezing and kneading my balls like her life depended on it. She was squeezing harder and harder until she saw me flinch a couple of times. Then she backed off just the right amount, and gave me a full five minutes of the best ball massage I’ve ever had in my life. I looked at a video monitor at one point, and there were my balls and dick, bigger than life, all over the Internet.

All good things must end, and Nina sent me on my way, and after rubbing herself on camera for a few minutes, she went on to make some other guy’s dream come true.

Days after the Masturbate-A-Thon, I scoured the Internet, hoping to find ‘my’ video, but I never did find it.

More wanking. Midnight had come and gone, and I was approaching eight hours of solid jerking off, except for bathroom breaks. I wasn’t sore, and I was loving every minute of it. But, of all damn things, I was getting sleepy.

The room was clearing out. There were only about thirty people left.

I was wondering just how important it was to me to break the record. There were only two competitors left. One regular-looking guy had spent almost the whole time in the one and only hammock in the room. I don’t even know if he took bathroom breaks.

The other was a fellow named Masanobu who had come all the way from Japan.


Here’s a YouTube video of Masanobu backgrounding his ‘work’ at the Masturbate-A-Thon. Just click the picture if your device supports web links, otherwise, you can go to youtube.com/watch?v=SNH5EUw7gxk next time you get a chance.

He was an official representative of a Fleshlight-like device. These are tubes with soft insides that you slip over your penis. They are supposed to feel much like a real vagina. He had been using his contraption the whole time, while other representatives of the company went around the room offering to let people try their fake vaginas. Earlier in the evening, I tried one, and liked it well enough, but liked my hand better.

Anyway, he had been practicing. It looked like he was going to go forever, so maybe it was becoming time for me think about heading home.

I had been wanking side by side with another guy approximately my age who kept telling me how great my dick looked. Everyone loves to to hear that, and I’m no exception. We were talking about porn websites we liked when he pointed out a group of three women across the room.

I walked over to watch. One of the three was was perhaps 18 or 20 years old, very small, thin, and had very short black hair. Almost a crew cut. Pretty obviously a lesbian costume or statement. She was laying on her back on a cushion on the floor, having such strong orgasms that she was convulsing. Her very small flat breasts were shaking along with her whole body. Her two friends were on either side of her, holding her shoulders and murmuring some soft somethings to her. I took one look at that, and suddenly I lost it, I ejaculated all over the floor.

After that, part of me wanted to stay, but the more practical part said it was late (for me), I was tired, and still had to drive 30 miles home. Besides, that, my penis was now obstinately soft and just a little bit sore. It wasn’t going to get back up any time soon. So it was time to visit the clothing check, get my stuff, jump in the car and head home.

What Happened Next

Table of Contents

As luck would have it, traffic was stopped at the bridge. Evidently a car had caught fire up ahead. It was a rare warm San Fracisco night, so I, and most of the other motorists stepped out of our cars to enjoy the refreshing air. Guess who popped out of the car next to me? Right, one of the Masturbate-A-Thon participants! We exchanged phone numbers and promised to get together for our own mini masturbate-a-thon, but we never did. Traffic cleared, and I headed home.

I had masturbated non-stop for 8 hours and 20 minutes, according to the stamps on my pledge sheet. The guy in the hammock must have quit just minutes after I did. I later found out that the Japanese guy won with a time of 8 hours and 40 minutes. If only I had known! But then again, he probably would have gone 20 hours if he had to, in order to win.

You’d think I’d be sore the next day. If not my penis, then perhaps my arm or wrist. But no, I was just fine and in fact jerked off a couple of times the next day while remembering the Masturbate-A-Thon.

What a glorious time I had telling all my pledgees about my experience at the Masturbate-A-Thon! I think after my telling of the story, they all wished they had had the gumption to go along with me.

No one, especially I, expected me to go eight hours and 20 minutes! Everyone paid up, including my benefactor who pledged $0.25 per minute. He had to pay $125. He grumbled a bit, but he wrote a check, which I forwarded along with the other payments to the Center for Sex and Culture.

In later years, there have been a few changes. For instance, the record times were getting so long, that they no longer hold in-house competitions for who can go the longest. They are more vigilant about people touching anyone other than themselves. The self-pledge price dropped from $40 to $30, making it easier for more people to attend.

Here are some records from more recent events:

Longest Time, set in 2012 by Sonny Nash: 10 hours and 10 minutes

Men’s Ejaculation Distance Record, set in 2014: 12 ft 10 in (3.9 m)

Female Most Orgasms, set at the Denmark Masturbate-A-Thon in 2009: 222

Male Most Orgasms, also Denmark 2009: 8

In the following years, I have twice more attended the Masturbate-A-Thon. Both times were as good as the first.

It turns out I still couldn’t get my friends, my pledgees from the first year to come along. Oh well, Their loss. My one and only complaint with the Masturbate-A-Thon in general is that it is under-publicized. I believe the people at the Center for Sex and Culture just don’t know how to publicize a local event in a big city like San Francisco. Because every year, only between a hundred and 250 people out of well over a million in the Bay Area show up. What’s up with that?

Can you imagine what it would like to have a convention of a thousand people wanking together?

Now, they do hold masturbate-a-thons in some other cities such as London, Portland, Philadelphia, even in Denmark. Perhaps you’d like to organize one where you live!

See also: The Masturbate-A-Thon, Another Perspective

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Posted on

90 Ways To Spice Up Your Sex Life

by Jeremy J. Watson

Enjoy this book of unusual sexual activities. Many may not be for you. Some may be too intense, others too mild. You may have already experimented with some of these techniques. However, you’ll find some that will amaze you. You and your partner can discover new kinds of fun that can open entire new vistas. You can use any of these activities exactly as they are described, or make up your own versions based on what you read.

Most are written for heterosexual couples, but with minor variation can be also enjoyed by homosexual and solosexual people and groups.

Disclaimer: The material in this book is not to be taken as a replacement for proper medical or professional advice. Exercise proper safety measures in all sexual play.

1. Stretch scrotum: Many men don’t realize they like this. You can pull a man’s scrotum quite firmly, and while it is not orgasmic, it can feel comforting or even exciting. For men who have trouble starting an erection, it can be a great trigger. It doesn’t matter whether the scrotum is currently drawn up tight, or loose. However, it can be pulled further when loose. Be careful about fingernails or pulling hairs.

2. Massage: While massage can be an end in itself, if combined with sexual play, it is a great augmentation. You don’t have to be an expert to give a good massage. Simply communicate. Let your partner know that you’d like to hear when he or she wants more oil, more or less pressure, attention to one area or another.

You’ll find communication is one of the most important factors in all sexual play. The more you communicate with your partner, the better it gets.

Communication can be tricky if there are things that embarrass you. For instance, you may very much want massage of your upper inner thighs, but think it would be considered weird by your partner. If you have the courage to mention your desire, you might just be surprised. Or, your partner may think it is weird. In any case, it is better to find out. You may even be able to discuss why your partner feels it is weird, and end up coming to a resolution and getting what you want.

It may be that you’ve never massaged anyone in your life. The general idea is that it should be a comfortable procedure. Make sure the room is warm enough. Warm your hands if they are cold. In most cases, your partner will want some oil so your fingers don’t feel scratchy against the skin.

You can start at the top of the body and work down. Most massages start with the recipient laying on his or her stomach.

You might start with the head before you put oil on your hands. Rub the scalp firmly, being careful not to pull hair. Then, work on the neck, shoulders, eventually massaging the upper and lower arms, and don’t forget about the hands. Massage of the hands can be very erotic. Then massage the upper back, moving down to the lower back.

Some people will then skip over the butt, instead doing the upper legs, lower legs, ankles, and then the feet, finally returning to the butt.

Have the recipient roll over. Don’t be surprised to see male recipients with an good, solid erection at this point. Ignore it, or compliment it. Many women don’t realize how vein some men can be about their erections. Massage the face, reach under the neck and massage the lower neck and back of shoulders, using the recipient’s weight to help, then the arms, and hands again. Return to the upper chest.

At this point, the massage may skip over the breasts, and sometimes skip the stomach too, moving on to the thighs, then the legs, ankles and feet. After that, you can return to the breasts, and optionally lightly massage the stomach.

Most of your strokes should originate near the middle of the body, and work outward.

Once the general massage is done, you may want to focus on the genitals. This can finish with a handjob, blowjob, pussy eating, or G-spot massage. A massage that finishes with an orgasm is referred to as a “happy ending massage.”

Another version is a tantric massage, in which you give the genitals attention, but purposely end without inducing an orgasm, leaving the recipient in a energetic, charged-up state.

3. Lights on: Get naked and sexual in the middle of the day when there is plenty of ambient light, or turn the lights on, and enjoy each others company. It is OK to study each others bodies in great detail. Do not force this on someone who has body dysmorphia – someone who is not proud of their body. For them, it would be horribly embarrassing.

4. Massage inner labia: This is something that many women may not realize they like until they try it. Massaging the inner labia can be done dry, with natural lube, or any good oil or lotion. For most women, a very light touch is best at first, slowly working up to a more moderate pressure. Be careful about pulling hairs. Maintaining the massage for a long period of time can make a woman very horny. Occasionally brushing the clitoris adds sparkle.

5. Make a sextape: These days, they aren’t generally video tapes like the days when the term “sextape” was created. Grab your phone or video camera and make a video. Chances are, it will never be for showing to anyone, however some people like to upload their finished products to websites such as XTube.com, XHamster.com, or XNXX.com. Make very sure your sextape is well hidden. You wouldn’t want your kids to find it.

6. Apple polishing: You can give a man very intense pleasure with apple polishing, also known as “glans rubbing,” or “glans blame” in Japan. Wrap your fingers around your partner’s erect penis with one hand to hold it, leaving the top exposed. Rub the palm of your other hand over the top. Most men will squirm like crazy, because this imparts a nearly unbearable tickle. Some men won’t like it. Others will love it. For one who likes it, it may help to tie the recipient down or sit on his hands or legs, so he can’t get away.

After a few minutes, the sensation settles down, becoming more bearable. It usually transmutes into a combination of ‘gonna-cum’ and ‘gotta-pee’ feeling. Generally, the recipient doesn’t cum or pee, however, you may want to cover the bed with something waterproof, because in at least one case your author knows of, the recipient involuntarily let out a large splash of urine.

Glans rubbing can be done dry or with lube. Interestingly, the sensation is stronger with lube.

If the sensation dies down too far, you can try changing the amount of squeeze from the holding hand, or the pressure or angle of the palm. Rubbing more over the top surface of the glans can make the sensation stronger.

Be careful about too much pressure, not enough lube, or going too long, since the skin of the glans can become irritated, taking days to heal.

7. French kissing: For those who don’t know, this is kissing in which one’s tongue enters the partner’s mouth. If you’ve never experienced it, you might think it is unappealing. Once you try it, you’ll probably have an entirely different opinion. Two people French kissing can play battle with their tongues. Pressing one’s tongue in deep, and exploring as much of the other person’s mouth as is accessible can be great fun.

8. Finger rub buttcrack: A seemingly simple thing that can be underrated is to simply run your fingertip over the top of your partner’s butt crack. While not a super sexual act for the majority of people, it enhances the overall mood for most everyone.

9. Get a dildo: Placing a dildo, a fake penis, in a vagina can be quite fulfilling. Some women like to experiment with different lengths and widths. Some enjoy stretching, taking as wide a dildo as possible. Others like a long one that bangs against the back of the vaginal canal. Most prefer moderate dildos. Men, too, can enjoy a dildo in the ass. Surprisingly, many women enjoy a dildo in the ass as much, and sometimes more, than in the pussy.

10. Outdoors: Playing in the bright sun, or in a deep forest near a stream, or any other outdoor location, can be a real turn-on. Feeling the warming sun or a cool breeze where the sun never shines feels freeing. Some people like the exhilaration of risking being seen by unsuspecting passers-by. Of course you’ll want to be careful to avoid actually being caught, since you could upset people or even find yourself in trouble with the law.

Also consider sunburn. It is easy to get burned on skin that’s not used to sun exposure. The top of the breasts, top of the butt, and top of feet are prime targets for sunburn.

11. Clit squeezing: Some, but not all women like having their clits squeezed. This can be done with or without lube. The sensations are quite different when squeezing a dry versus wet clitoris. When dry, the fingers get better traction, and so can be more effective. When wet, the clit is slippery, and the effect of slipping through the fingers can be orgasmic in itself.

12. Putting on a show for friends: Inviting a friend, a couple, or even a group to watch you and your partner have sex is just the ticket for some people, and an absolutely horrible thought for others. You must be sure your psychology and that of your partner is strong enough to handle this. It may be difficult to bring the concept up with the people you’d like to invite, but once you start the conversation, they may have their own ideas, such as a full swinging party, in which, of course, you may, or may not want to participate.

13. Watching urination: If you’ve never urinated for your partner, or your partner has never urinated for you to watch, you may be surprised to discover that eliminating this taboo brings you closer.

14. Shaving: More and more people are doing it. It used to be almost exclusively women, and then only the ones who were performing in porn. Rarely, you’d see an older man who shaved most of his body. As one ages, one starts to feel less pressure from social restrictions, and does more of what one wants. The older men enjoyed being hairless ‘down there.’

Slowly, being hairless in the genital region has become more accepted in the general population with both sexes. Actual shaving leaves a sandpapery layer of stubble. Some people use depilation creams or electrolysis for more complete hair removal. Some depilate only the genital area. Others go full-body.

For men, it has been more of a stigma, although in recent years, a man can go to the gym and more often and see shaved guys in the showers. Men often remove the hair from only around their scrotum areas, leaving a patch above the penis. However, even today, you’ll want to think before removing hair in case your conservative friends may see you in a communal shower.

It is totally OK under all circumstances to trim genital hair. If anyone were to ask, you can simply say it is more sanitary, or reduces sweating.

The shaved look makes the genitals stand out. You’re far more naked when people can see your labia or scrotum in complete detail.

15. Finger in anus: People of all sexes generally like this, although some can’t get past the idea of fecal matter becoming part of the scene. When the rectum is clean, the fecal matter is pretty much non-existent. You might prefer to use a rubber glove.

The glands around the anus secrete a sweet-smelling substance that is actually quite attractive.

Before introducing a finger into your partner’s anus, you might lightly run a fingertip around the anus for a while. That, in itself, is a great sensation. Use lube and press in slowly. A slight twisting motion can help.

Once in, many people like for the finger to be pushed in as far as possible, with the rest of the hand pressing hard against the butt.

When pulling out, be as slow as when you went in. Sudden removal is somewhat shocking, causing the recipient’s eyes to open wide momentarily. When the finger is withdrawn slowly, the recipients usually feel like the finger is very long.

Finger play should generally be avoided with partners who have hemmorrhoids.

Some women can have orgasms strictly from anal finger play.

16. Fisting: The finger in the anus can be extended to two, three, or even more fingers for those who like that sort of thing. For some partners, putting the whole fist in the rectum is possible. It should be built up to slowly. Most people cannot accommodate a full fist the first time they try. A few people have taken it to great lengths, with deep fisting, that straightens out the large intestine. Arms have been inserted past the elbow. Some people like double-fisting the anus.

17. A variation of fisting is vaginal fisting. Like anal fisting, it should be introduced slowly and gently. Women will often have orgasms when the fist is fully inserted. Such a fulfilling orgasm cannot be duplicated any other way. A few women have managed double-fisting. There are two versions: One is the fists of both hands in the vagina. Actually, the hands are usually open, with the fingers of each handing extending fully into the vaginal canal. The other version is concurrent fisting of the anus and vagina.

18. Full bladder: Most of the time, the feeling that you have to pee is counter-productive to enjoyable sexual play. However, if you purposely have a full bladder, it can add new dimensions to sensations. Having an orgasm with a full bladder is another sensation that cannot be duplicated any other way. Of course, having waterproof bedding is a good idea, because the natural result of going too far with a full bladder is losing control.

Some men have experimented with “peegasms,” or “pissgasms.” This is ejaculating while urinating. It is difficult to achieve because the body’s natural action is to tightly shut the urinary sphincters when ejaculating, to prevent retrograde ejaculation into the bladder. However, with a bladder so full that urine occasionally leaks out involuntarily, while edging, stimulation to just short of ejaculation several times, and a very relaxed body so that when orgasm starts, the valves will not need to close, you, too, can have a peegasm.

19. Play doctor: Just like when you were kids, you can play doctor with your partner. This can be done on any level, and any way you’d like. For instance, it can be a simple visual examination of your partner’s genitals. Or, dressed in scrubs, with a stethoscope around your neck, you can use medical terminology, and even medical equipment, while pretending to perform a full examination.

20. Testicle massage: Like so many sexual techniques, some men won’t like this at all, and others will love it. However, with testicle massage, the rift is deeper. Most actually do like a light massage of the scrotum and its contents. But some like a very firm massage of the testicles themselves. You can work up the pressure slowly, finding your man’s limits.

For some men, it is just a pleasure like any kind of massage. Many will get a full erection even without the penis being touched. Some will spontaneously ejaculate.

There are some men who take it as a challenge. They want it to hurt. They want to see how much they can take. Interestingly, the amount of pressure varies considerably. A sensitive man can only take the lightest squeeze. Some of the ‘challenge’ men can be squeezed so tightly that your fingers start to hurt.

The usual approach is to squeeze the testicles between the thumb and first two fingers of each hand. If you wiggle your fingers back and forth a bit, that can nicely enhance the effect.

Sometimes the balls will slip from your grasp like a wet bar of soap. Generally the man will flinch, but it doesn’t really hurt unless the pressure is severe. Some men particularly like the slipping back and forth effect.

Be careful about pressing the upper area behind the testicles. This is where the spermatic cords attach, and is very sensitive in comparison to the rest of the testicle. Otherwise, the balls can take quite a lot of force. They’re not like grapes that can be popped easily. They’re more like chicken gizzards, being very rubbery. However, a man will feel pain way before the balls can be squeezed injuriously hard.

The things you should be careful of are epididimis separation and testicular torsion. Pressing in the wrong places, or pulling the balls hard in a loose sack can be damaging the area where the epididimis attaches to the upper back of the testicle.

Young men are sometimes prone to testicular torsion, a very painful condition in which the ball becomes twisted on the cord, cutting off circulation and requiring immediate surgery to save the testicle. It may be possible to accidentally set that off with extreme testicle massage.

21. Butt slapping: It seems women more than men prefer this, and many of both sexes don’t like it at all. However, for those who enjoy it, it is pretty much universally discovered during adulthood. The person didn’t know he or she liked it, until someone did it. You can try very mild slapping with your partner, and gauging by the reaction, you can slap more and harder or find something else your partner enjoys instead.

22. Tapping the top of the penis: To hold a penis in one hand, and lightly slap down on the tip with the other hand is a delightful surprise for some men. Be careful, however, because many men wouldn’t like it at all.

You can also slap a penis sideways. Be careful about exerting too much force, because sideways slapping can injure a penis. One of the common injuries is corposa cavernosa fracture. Those are the spongy areas that fill with blood to cause an erection. When fractured, the blood leaks out, making a painful internal blob, and requires surgery to repair.

23. Ear sex: Have you ever had your ears kissed and licked? You’ll be surprised how erotic this can be. It is even more exciting to have one’s tongue in an ear nearly as far as it can go, although it is a bit disconcerting if the air is cut off causing pressure changes.

24. How far can I go?: If you’re with someone new, or someone who is shy, or maybe a regular partner who is only half in the mood, you can play the “How far can I go” game. Starting by touching your partner’s back, you say, “Is this OK?” If so, touch lower down the back, and say “How about now?” Continue down your partner’s back, eventually making it to the butt, always asking if it is OK. If you’ve made it that far, you can reach into your partner’s butt crack, eventually touching the anus or scrotum or vagina, assuming you still have permission. Of course there are many alternatives, such as starting with an ankle, and making it up to the genital region.

25. Hide the prize: A woman can put a prize in her vagina, and have her partner retrieve it. The prize should be something small, and without rough edges. A car key in a little plastic bottle would be a good choice. A toaster oven, not so good.

26. Sounding: Sounding is the practice of inserting objects into the urethra. This is not for the feint of heart, and it is not safe. It is included here in case you’re interested, and are willing to take the risks. There are two risks involved with sounding. One is that the lining of the urethra is very fragile, and easily scratched, which can result in surprisingly profuse bleeding. In time, a scratched urethra can heal with an internal scar, blocking passage of fluids and sometimes requiring surgical intervention. The bigger risk is infection. The inside of the urethra is not well-protected against bacteria. An infection that starts in the urethra can quickly migrate to the bladder, kidneys, prostate, and the general bloodstream. Such infections can also be hard to fight.

Now that you know all that, if you’re still interested, the way to play safe is to use only very smooth objects. Pick ones that will not disintegrate in the presence of lube, and then sterilize your sounds before use. Also sterilize the urethral opening, called the “meatus,” your hands, and any surfaces that the sound might contact.

Introduce sounds very slowly. A good rule is to not push at all. Just guide the sound in, and let gravity cause it to fall into the urethra.

The urethra is surprisingly long in men, typically around 14 inches (35 cm). In women, it is less than a couple of inches (5 cm). Several types of sounds are available. The flexible plastic ones are probably best for safety, but sounds made from stainless steel are more common. They are usually purchased in sets of varying diameters ranging from around 3 mm to over 15 mm. Men’s urethras are less flexible than women, and so they’ll probably need to use thinner sounds.

For a man, the feeling of being fucked is unique. Also, having someone else do something that intimate to you can make you feel vulnerable, which is exciting in the right circumstances.

Many people do sounding only part way. A few sound all the way into the bladder. As the sound stretches its way through the first of two sphincters, the donut shaped muscles that act as urinary valves, the feeling is exquisite. It feels somewhat like you need to pee, but different and better. The feeling is repeated as the sound passes through the second sphincter and into the bladder.

Once in the bladder, the sound can be slid in and out a couple of inches (5 cm), and the feeling doesn’t change much. For that reason, ribbed sounds are also available which stimulate the entire length of the urethra.

In a man, there are two major restrictions in diameter. The first is the peehole (meatus) itself, and then, just about a half-inch (12 mm) into the penis, there’s another tight area. If you make it past these, the sound can go all the way to a bend in the urethra. Hold the penis upright and pointing downward if the person is standing, and you can gently push past the bend. This is an important place to be gentle. You can easily damage the urethra at the bend.

Men will often, but not always, lose their erection while sounding. This is natural, and it doesn’t mean the men aren’t enjoying it.

Some people of both sexes like peehole stretching. This is like sounding, but depth is not important. They’re more interested in how much width they can pass through the peehole. Women are better at this than men because their urethras are more flexible.

A few women have stretched their urethras to the point where they can receive their partner’s penis into their bladder.

If you are not extremely careful with sounding, urination can be very painful for a few days afterward. Also, make sure not to introduce foreign substances that can irritate the urethra such as alcohol or shampoo.

27. Nude beach: There are two kinds of clothing-optional, also known as “nude” beaches. Some where the objective is pure nudity, and others where sex play is the norm. The first kind are more common. People go to be free of textiles, to socialize, and to get healthy sun exposure over their entire bodies. At least that’s what they say. Many are actually there to see and be seen. Any sort of sex play at this kind of beach is frowned upon, and in some cases legally restricted. Even having an erection is not a good idea. If an erection happens, the man should lay on a towel, or go at least belly deep into the water until it subsides. Men often jerk off while neck deep in the water. No one can see them, and it relieves their sexual tension.

The other kind of beach varies in the sexual intensity. Each beach has its own standards. At some, you can play in the bushes or on the cliffs near the beach. At others, people will discretely give each other handjobs or blowjobs if they are on a far end of the beach. At a few, people will have all kinds of sex on a blanket right in front of everyone. Typically, a dozen people will surround them and watch while touching themselves or outright masturbating.
If you are an exhibitionist and are at such a beach, being watched like that can be a huge turn-on.

In any case, taking your lover to a nude beach, assuming your lover is on board with it, can be a great aphrodisiac for later. Plus, you get a nice overall tan.

28. Vibrators: Vibrators come in many forms. Typical ones look like dildos and are battery powered. These can be inserted in a vagina or anus, or held against nipples, clits or glans for stimulation.

Many vibrators have settings so that speeds, intensities, and sometimes patterns of speeds and intensities can be varied.

One of the greatest gifts you can give a somewhat recalcitrant partner to spice up your sex life is a vibrator, assuming his or her temperament is right to receive such a gift. The next step, of course, is to offer helping your partner try it out.

A popular kind of vibrator called “Hitachi Wand,” has a cord, and is very powerful. It is a hand-held device with a large bulb on the end. It is powerful enough for back and large muscle therapy, but no doubt used more often for sexual stimulation. Accessories can be had for the Hitachi Wand. A popular one is a sleeve that fits over the penis.

Some vibrators are small enough that they can be inserted into body cavities. Some are so small, they can be inserted into a urethra. These usually have a thin cord that leads to an external controller and battery housing. Once the user is done, the little vibrator can be extracted from within the urethra by pulling on the cord. Remember that anything inserted into a urethra has to be smooth and sterile to avoid injuring the lining of the urethra or setting off an infection.

Another kind of vibrator is bulbous, designed to be inserted into vagina or rectum. It has a long stem so that it can be pulled back out. Commonly called a “Lush” or “OhMiBod,” These are controlled through a USB interface. The cool thing is that the recipient may not be the one controlling the vibrations. The partner can control the vibrator, or even someone across the Internet.

29. Internet: And speaking of the Internet, many people, especially those with an exhibitionist tendency, like to broadcast their sexual activities. You can start up your cam, and be seen by anyone in the world who so wishes for free at many websites. Two of the popular ones are Cam4.com, and Chaturbate.com. Another option is to video chat with one or more specific people using Skype or other services.

With some of these services, you can make money for going online and showing your sexual activity. The money usually isn’t great, so you’ll see a good many ‘performers’ from third-world countries, where the small amount they earn goes farther.

The most successful performers may not be the prettiest or youngest ones. They are the ones who show the most personality, or manage to make a show out of what they are doing. Sometimes, extreme sexual acts brings a larger audience. Threesomes are common. Quite possibly each member of a group will make more money than they could individually.

You might enjoy Omegle.com or ChatRoulette.com, in which people click a button to see random people. If you don’t like what you see, click to see someone else. If they don’t like you, they’ll click away. Every now and then, a random pair of people stay connected and have a good time.

The degree of implicitness varies as much as the people. Some will simply tease, staying clothed the whole time they are online. Others will do extremely masturbatory or sexual things. For instance there are two women who frequently appear. One ties the other up and ‘tortures’ her friend with an assortment of vibrators.

If you’d rather have a more permanent record of your activities, you can publish an MP4 video on many sites such as XHamster.com and XTube.com. If you do something people want to see, literally tens of thousands of people will see you being naked and sexual. If you like showing, that’s got to be good news!

30. Write about it: For your author, it is a turn-on to write about sexual acts. You can write anything from an R-rated love story to an XXX bondage scene. It is easy to publish your stories on SoloTouch.com if they involve masturbation. If your stories tend toward the bisexual or gay side, check out Nifty.org.

31. You may not be a writer, and you may not like hard-core porn. Sometimes, too much ordinary porn becomes boring. Sometimes going back to the softer stuff actually has a good effect. For instance, your author often enjoys seeing women in very short shorts, or G-strings in which the outer portion of the anus is visible. That’s just me. You probably have your own tastes.

What you may find more interesting than porn photos or videos is stories. Check out the stuff at the above-mentioned sites. You can become incredibly charged up reading the stuff at sites such as SoloTouch.com or Literotica.com.

32. Testicle slapping: This is not for everyone, but most men will enjoy a very light slapping of the testicles. Some men want it very intense. The balls can cause pain, but it takes considerable force to injure them. On the gentler end, light slapping is stimulating and of course pain-free. Try mixing in a light slap every now and then with blowjobs, handjobs, and such activities.

33. Vagina slapping: If you hit too hard, your recipient will be in too much pain, so work up slowly. Notice, too, that some women won’t care for this practice. Sometimes, for a willing recipient, and occasional slap mixed with other activities is the ticket. For others, a long series of continuous light taps is exciting. A few women, but not many, like breast slapping as well.

34. Super Glue: This stuff, under various brand names, can be tricky. It is possible to make a mess that requires a trip to the emergency room. The typical situation is gluing one’s fingers to each other or to an object. People often forget and touch their faces with glue on their fingers, leading to an embarrassing situation. So, with that in mind, be awfully careful about gluing your hands to your genitals. Imagine having to drive to the hospital in that situation.

If you want to play with Super Glue, the trick is to have acetone on hand. This chemical dissolves the glue. It is commonly found in nail polish remover.

Most of the time, when you use small amounts of super glue on genitals, it can be peeled off fairly easily. You might try gluing inner labia together, or you might like to stick sections of the scrotum together, or to the inner thighs. More experimental users may want to glue shut their meatus (peeholes). Proceed carefully, with safe little tests, just in case you could manage to get the perfect seal, and end up with something glued that you cannot unglue. See urethra blocking, below.

35. Urethra blocking: A man can ejaculate with a blocked urethra, but it can be painful. The spasms generally last longer, which is interesting, but the pressure against the end of the urethra, just before the meatus, if that’s where it is blocked, can sting.

Blocking urine flow can be dangerous because the urinary organs, especially the urethra, have a built-in instinctual tendency to push very hard to overcome a blockage. This is probably so that people with bladder stones will survive, and not die of a plugged urethra. But, the pressure may cause kidney problems, or at minimum, it can be surprisingly painful.

You can safely play with the effect, just to experience the involuntary contractions, by manually blocking urine flow. A woman can plug her finger into her meatus. A man can squeeze the end of the penis shut. This is best done just before starting to urinate, or after the flow has started. At first, it may not seem like much, but just keep holding it, and find out what happens! For health reasons, don’t go too far with this.

Be prepared to make a mess, because when you finally let go, the built up pressure and volume will spray a large quantity of urine a long distance.

36. Not orgasming: Playing with the idea of not having orgasms is often called “Tantric” in America and European countries. This is confused with a whole school of spiritual meditation originating in India. We have taken what we think is the best part, and left the rest. And that best part, is the idea of not orgasming. This has an interesting effect. If you have a sexual session, but have not orgasmed, and if you can manage to leave satisfied, you are charged up for the rest of the day if not longer. You may continue to feel horny, or maybe that will settle down. But you also feel invigorated, as if you have more strength, the air is crisper, colors are brighter, and you are more enthusiastic overall. The difference is slight, but it is noticeable.

Practitioners of ‘tantric’ sex can go days without orgasming. It is probably more dramatic for men than women, because for men, orgasm is a large physiological response including ejaculation. You would think that without ejaculating, you’d get clogged up or something, but that tends not to be the case. Your body knows what it is doing, and simply reabsorbs unused sperm and semen. If you really do need a release, and continue to deny it, you’ll ejaculate at night in what’s known as a ‘nocturnal ejaculation’ or ‘wet dream.’

37. Edging: The practice of edging goes hand-in-hand with tantric sex, or tantric masturbation. Edging is coming as close to orgasm as you can, stopping until the urge subsides, and continuing.

38. Mini-ejaculations: Well-practiced male edgers can sometimes bring themselves to mini-ejaculations, without spilling over into a full-blown ejaculation. They’ll have dry orgasms or release a single drop of cum, stay hard, and be able to do it again and again. The best way to get there is to bring yourself close to orgasm many times, then stop. But the trick is to then start up right away again, before the ejaculatory feeling totally subsides. At some point, you’ll feel the contractions of ejaculation, but nothing, or very little, comes out. It helps to stay as relaxed as possible. Don’t scrunch up all your muscles trying to resist. Instead, just see if you can let your body be super-calm, and loosen the muscles that would normally be involved in ejaculation.

39. Continuous orgasms: Another version, is continuous orgasm. Both men and women can practice this, but like edging, it is less profound in women. Bring yourself to the edge of orgasm then stop a few times, like ordinary edging. But instead of waiting, resume after only a few seconds. In time, evolve it to continuing stimulation, but very light stimulation. With practice, you can learn to control the muscles that cause the ejaculatory contractions in such a way that they still spasm, but nothing comes out. In time, you’ll feel yourself in orgasm, and be able to stay there, sometimes for minutes at a time.

This a good technique for solo sex, and once mastered, is great for a man to practice when within a woman.

40. G-spot stimulation: The G-spot is inside the vagina, along the front wall, about 2 inches (5 cm) from the opening. With your female partner laying on her back, you can insert two fingers with your palm facing upward. Rub them gently against the upper wall of the vagina until she has a crashing orgasm. The orgasm feels different, more in the belly, and perhaps more throughout the body, than a clitoral orgasm.

You may have trouble finding the exact spot. It will feel a bit spongier than the surrounding area. Practice makes perfect, and most women won’t mind practicing at all.

This can also be done to women in other positions. A good one is for the recipient to be on her hands and knees with her butt in the air. The practitioner inserts one or two fingers, with the palm facing downward, and pressing against the lower wall of the vagina.

41. A-spot stimulation: The A-spot is less well-known than the G-spot. In men and women, it is found about two inches inside the rectum on the anterior, or front wall. In a woman, it can induce an orgasm which at times is more spectacular than an ordinary orgasm. In men, it is a pressure against the prostate gland.

42. Prostate massage: The prostate gland manufactures and stores semen, the primary component of cum or ejaculate. The prostate is a walnut-sized area just about one full finger’s length into the rectum.

When pressed, it renders a nice feeling, as if one has to pee, but better. Continued pressure can cause some semen to travel through the urethra and out the penis. It is not an ejaculation, but rather fluid being expressed manually. It doesn’t feel orgasmic, but it does feel nice. The man can often feel the drips of semen working their way up and out of the urethra, which is a unique sensation. To enhance the effect, one can massage the prostate with one or two fingers. Some people like to use rubber gloves. A liberal amount of lubrication on the finger is a good idea. A partner may be reluctant to offer this treatment, because anything having to do with shit can be yuckky, but if willing, your partner will be very grateful.

43. CFNM: This stands for Clothed Female, Naked Male. Another version is CMNM, Clothed Male, Naked Male. Any scenario in which the man is without clothing in the presence of others who are clothed can be exhilarating for men. This can range from having female reporters in a men’s locker room, to a group of women restraining a man and performing sexual acts.

Depending on your situation, the following idea may seem great, or absolutely terrible: Arrange to have your man unclothed, perhaps seemingly by accident, in the presence of yourself and your sister.

44. Speculum play: The speculum is a device for prying open an opening of the body to see what’s inside. Speculums are frequently used by gynecologists to examine women’s genitals. They can be purchased on eBay and elsewhere. Professional ones are often made of stainless steel, but low-cost clear plastic ones are readily available.

The obvious use would be to open your partner’s vagina in a pretend exam. Leaving the speculum in place, one can explore the vagina in detail. It is excruciatingly enjoyable to experience an orgasm with the speculum in place. Be careful about pinching nearby areas or pressing sharp edges against her anatomy, as that would certainly take the fun out. Most specula have mechanisms to hold them open. Some women like to have the speculum slowly spread further and further, stretching the vaginal opening.

Many people of both sexes can enjoy a speculum applied in their anus as well, spreading it open and taking a good look inside.

Sometimes fluids can be introduced. Some people will pee in their partner’s speculum-spread opening. Others will introduce cold water on a hot day, or warm water on a cold day. Be careful about extreme temperatures. These parts of the body are quite temperature-sensitive.

A small medical speculum for examining nostrils is available. This can be used to spread open the peehole.

45. Cervical play: You can play with a woman’s cervix. That’s the volcano-shaped opening into the uterus, and is found at the back of the vaginal cavity. The hole itself in the cervix has the strange anatomical name of “os.” Sounds, pens, and Q-tips can be inserted into the cervix. However, with many women, it has an adverse effect. It can bring on a sudden ache. Be careful about leaving anything within the uterus or introducing bacteria. A serious toxic reaction can develop.

46. Feathers: Run a feather very lightly over any part of your partner, for a nice reaction. It can tickle, but in the right places, with the right light strokes, it can instantly induce erection of penis, nipples or clitoris. Elsewhere, it is simply a very sexy feeling. Some places to try are the soles of the feet, the tops of the feet, the inner thighs, the buttocks, the top of the buttcrack, the armpits, the nipples of both men and women, the neck, the forehead, the chin, the neck, the back, and of course the genitals.

47. Food insertions: Consider sticking cucumbers, carrots, and other firm fruit into your partner’s orifices. Sometimes, after a period of time to get used to a skinny fruit or vegetable, the recipient starts to crave more. For instance, starting with a thin zucchini, you might build up to a fairly large one, to the mutual joy of both parties. A caution with food play is to avoid pushing anything all the way in that may not easily come back out.

48. Frenulum pull: There is a little fold or crease of skin on the underside of the penis just behind the glans. This is called the “frenulum.” The term frenulum can also be applied to the little bit of tissue under the middle of the tongue, and the connection between the middle of the inside of the upper lip, and upper gum.

Those other frenuluae don’t have much effect in sex play, but grabbing your partner’s penile frenulum and stretching a bit can be surprisingly delightful. It is best done dry because with any sort of lube, getting a good grip is difficult. For best results, pinch it firmly, being careful not to have it fold over itself which would be painful, and being careful to avoid fingernails. Lift up the penis by the frenulum, and pivot it forward against its natural resistance a little bit. If that isn’t sufficient, you can also stroke the frenulum up and down as you hold a pinch of it between your thumb and the side of your first finger. Many partners will orgasm just from this.

49. Hand-free orgasm: Bring your partner to the brink of orgasm, then let go, as the orgasm hits. The partner may be excitingly frustrated by this, and so it is often called “ruined orgasm.” Interestingly, whereas men usually need a refractory period after ejaculating, sometimes they can stay hard and cum again after a ruined orgasm.

50. Nipples: Your author may be singing to the choir here, but if you’ve never kissed or sucked on nipples, it’s something you need to try. They seem directly connected to the genitals in both males and females. Yes, some women are surprised to learn that male nipples are usually an erogenous zone. You can start with the lightest tickling of nipples, running your fingers around and over the bump in the middle of each nipple. Then kiss in the same way, running your tongue over the whole area. Some people like considerable pressure, by squeezing the nipples with fingertips, clamps, or teeth. Light nibbling on nipples is remarkably delightful to some recipients. However, some hate it!

51. Needle play: This is usually assumed to be a risky behavior in which needles are actually punctured through your partner’s body. Most people wouldn’t care for that, but a few love it. It can be extended further to piercings, which are jewelry worn in permanent punctures.

A much milder form of needle play does not involve puncturing and is not at all dangerous. Instead, use a needle to very lightly stroke or poke your partner in just the right places. The sensation can range anywhere from a tickle, to light stinging. Good places for light needle play are the top of the ass crack, the glans (tip of the penis), the nipples, the outer and inner labia, the exterior of the anus, and the clitoris. Needle play may be fun on the back of your partner’s hands, shoulders, buttocks and elsewhere, as well.

For this kind of play, sewing needles are just right. Medical needles are designed to puncture skin. Sewing needles are designed to not puncture skin. You’d have to press much harder with a sewing needle to penetrate the skin.

52. Enema: You may think of an enema as a strictly medical procedure. It can be enjoyed under the right circumstances. Generally, you want to use a non-toxic material, warmed to near body temperature. However, on a cold day, it might be nice to be just a bit warmer than body temperature, and on a warm day, it can be moderately colder. The rectum is sensitive to radical temperature changes, so use caution. Forcing your partner to hold a large enema for as long as possible can be fun. Be prepared for a mess. Many people who play with enemas combine it with medical play (“playing doctor”).

53. Bladder washing: While completely not recommended, some people play with bladder enemas in which fluid is introduced into the bladder. Not only can this cause toxic reactions, and risk damaging the ureters and kidneys, it can also instigate a nasty infection.

54. Catheter play: The usual way to do a bladder washing is with a catheter. This is a long flexible tube that is introduced through the urethra all the way into the bladder. It is an extension of a practice discussed earlier known as ‘sounding.’ Catheter play is usually done in one direction only – to empty the bladder, not fill it.

Catheter play must be sterile. It is easy to introduce an infection that’s hard to fight. Use lots of lube, and introduce the catheter slowly.

You can’t buy a catheter in a typical drug store. The best bet is to get them online. Resist the urge to use aquarium tubing or anything that seems like it might work. It can scratch the urethral lining, or introduce bacteria. For best results, use a new catheter that’s been stored in its sterile packaging.

Most catheters are ‘retention catetheters.’ They are complex double tubes. One carries urine out of the bladder, but the other is an air or liquid channel. After the catheter is inserted, a syringe is inserted in a plug on the outside end, and saline is squirted in, filling the tip of the catheter, which expands like a balloon. Now, the catheter won’t slip back out of the bladder.

As the catheter passes through the urethra, the feeling is unique. Men especially enjoy the sensation, because their urethras are much longer at around 14 inches (35 cm). Stinging is common if the lube is insufficient, or if the catheter is introduced too quickly. As the catheter passes through the urinary sphincters, it gives one a delicious feeling similar to the need to urinate, but somehow more exciting.

Many recipients who receive catheters report that they like the vulnerability of having something shoved deep into them by someone else. Furthermore, their ability to control when they urinate is taken away. Instead, they get to pee or not, based on when the person in charge opens or closes the outside end of the tube.

Catheters should be removed as slowly as they are installed.

Expect a stinging sensation upon urination for the next couple of days. The body adapts, so if one does catheter play often, the stinging sensation disappears entirely.

You may have been catheterized in a hospital. It probably stung going in, coming out, and afterward. That’s because the practitioner in charge didn’t take the time to do it gently.

55. Quickie: If you haven’t had a reason to have very rapid intercourse recently, you may want to play with a quickie. Find out how fast you and your partner can achieve satisfaction.

56. Bondage: There are two versions of bondage that might interest you. The more typical one is simply tying your mate to a bed, or a chair, so that the person cannot escape your ministrations. Like so many sexual techniques, your partner may like, or hate this. For most of those who like it, the vulnerability excites them.

Make sure to establish a safeword. That’s a word your victim, I mean partner, can say that will cause you to stop. This can avoid injury and even potential psychological damage.

The other form of bondage is genital tying. If done loosely, more ceremonial than physical, it is harmless, and yet can carry a nice sexual charge. The breasts, nipples, clitoris, inner labia, penis and testicles can also be bound so tightly that circulation is cut off.

Whereas it is interesting to see breasts or testicles turn blue due to lack of circulation, this is dangerous and should only be practiced for short periods of time by people who have studied all the potential repercussions. For instance, using a string or cord that’s too thin can cause damage to internal organs. A common problem that’s not deadly, but still may call for medical attention, is that cysts will develop on the spermatic cords.

If you must experiment with genital bondage, it is better to use silk scarves or large diameter soft ropes, and tie only lightly.

An interesting effect can be had by tightly binding the penis while it is soft. If the penis is tied half-way along its length, the bottom half can become erect, and the top will stay flaccid. With the binding as close to the scrotum as possible, the entire external penis will stay soft. It can still be stimulated to orgasm even thought it will stay entirely soft, which is interesting. The ejaculation will be blocked, which may be a bit painful.

Binding the clitoris until it turns blue, then releasing it can result in an interesting pins and needles tickle for a short while.

Tying testicles so they are more accessible for manipulation is fun for those who like more intensity, but they are more prone to injury. Testicles are designed to be loose in the scrotum, so they will simply move out of harm’s way when hit or squeezed. To bind them eliminates this protection.

57. Ballbusting: This practice can range from ceremonial and light, to very intense, depending on the desires of the recipient. Ballbusting can mean hitting or kicking the testicles, or squeezing by hand or with a device, such as a testicle vise. A testicle vise is commonly made out of clear plastic plates with a cutout for the penis. The plates are clamped around the testicles, and drawn close together with bolts and wingnuts.

Testicles are tough, but there are limits, so studying up on the safety of this practice is recommended.

58. Strip poker: This is a game that can be played with two or more people. Actually, it can be a solosexual activity as well. The idea is that the loser of each hand loses an article of clothing. Once a person has lost everything, and then loses another hand, the others can issue requests. Exactly how those requests are dealt with is up to the players, with a decision being made in advance. For instance, a person might have three passes – meaning the person can turn down any three requests, and the play passes to the next hand.

To speed things up, you can play strip blackjack instead, or simply draw cards, with the person holding the lowest card having to remove an item of clothing.

59. Post-orgasm torture: This is generally a technique for males, since for most women, it has little effect. For a man, however, it can be excitingly grueling. After a man ejaculates, his penis will usually become so sensitive that any further touching is just terrible. It feels something like an awful tickle. For the adventurous man, it can be fun to continue genital stimulation after ejaculation for as long as he can stand it. Occasionally, the man will respond by staying hard, or getting soft, then hardening again, and can have another ejaculation a few minutes later. More often, the pleasure disappears, and the man will want you to stop.

For a typical man interested in post-orgasm torture, he’ll want to try it every time. Before he cums, he is excited by the idea. After he comes, reality sets in, and he can’t stand it.

60. BDSM: This stands for Bondage and SadoMasochism, or Bondage, Domination and SadoMasochism. Bondage speaks for itself. Sado masochism is a combination of sadism, in which you inflict pain, and masochism, in which people wants pain inflicted on themselves.

In most cases BDSM is entirely ceremonial. Most people don’t actually want to hurt someone or be hurt. But we like to play with the edges. A little pain, and enjoyable in some way, as long as it is safe, can be OK.

The brain is a funny thing. Evidently, the areas that register pain, and those that relate to sex are adjacent, and as such, we can get our signals crossed. It is a natural thing, but still, rather weird.

BDSM is whatever the participants want it to be. It can involve bondage, spanking, name-calling, tickling or even pinching and punching. For some, the fear of being hurt adds to the excitement.

Most often, in BDSM, you have tops and bottoms. A person will usually be one or the other. Originally, ‘top’ meant the person who pushed a penis into the other person, the ‘bottom,’ In modern times, ‘top’ has come to mean a person who administers any of a wide variety of techniques, and the ‘bottom’ is the recipient.

Another, mostly interchangeable set of terms is ‘dominatrix’ or ‘dom,’ as the top, and ‘sub’ as the bottom.

Some couples will continue their play outside the bedroom, even going so far as to have the top dominate the bottom while at parties, shopping, or just walking down the street.

61. Scenarios: Your partner may be very interested in acting out scenarios. Themes that are based on the same general idea every time are more common than acting out entirely different scenes each time. Common themes that people enjoy playing out are parent-child, medical situations, and authority, such as one person being a jailer and the other being a prisoner.

62. Cosplay: This means “costume play.” Some people are greatly excited by dressing up in clothes that enhance their sexual interest. One or both members of a couple may want to dress up as a nurse, jailer, teacher, slut, or in leather.

‘Leather’ is a big part of cosplay for some. Many accessories, generally made from leather, and almost always black in color are available at sex shops. Restraints, leashes, hats, jackets, pants, and all sorts of smaller items, such as whips can be had.

‘Leather,’ or ‘leather scene,’ has taken on a meaning of its own, often referring nebulously to BDSM in general, the practitioners of BDSM, and especially when leather articles are worn or used.

Sometimes couples will take cosplay out of the bedroom, attending street fairs, or just going out in public in costume. For instance, you might see a leather-clad dom controlling her sub with a leash at a LGBTQ street fair.

63. Three-ways: This is as it sounds, sex with three people. Generally it means two of one sex, and one of the other. It can also be three of the same sex. It is dangerous for relationships. The two-against-one dynamic can rear its ugly head, and unexpected jealousies can develop.

If your psychology is stable enough to experiment with three-ways, interesting opportunities come about. For instance, one person can experience a four-hand massage. A person can accept double-penetration, which usually means a woman will have a penis in her vagina while entertaining another one at the same time in her butt.

64. Electro-stimulation: also known as estim. This is the application of electrical current to a person’s body. The most common option is a device known as a TENS unit, which stands for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation. Originally used for pain relief, it has been extended into sexual play.

People with chronic back or muscle pain apply electrically conductive pads to their skin in the vicinity of the pain, attach wires, and send electricity through the skin from one pad to the other originating from the TENS unit. The pain can magically vanish. The TENS unit has controls to vary the intensity and frequency of the electricity. Some also control patterns of varying frequencies and intensities.

When the TENS apparatus is applied to the genitals, interesting new sensations and spectacular orgasms can result.

Common applications including putting pads on the outer labia, on the top and bottom or either side of the penis, or across the buttocks. Less frequently, currents are sent across the thighs, breasts or testicles. One must be careful to avoid sending an electrical current across the head or heart. Death could occur.

Most people experienced with estim prefer subtle application. It isn’t supposed to hurt, but can if the intensity is turned up too far. Sometimes, it is so subtle that additional stimulation is added, such as a handjob while the current is being applied.

The pads and connections should be secure, since a bad connection can sting or burn, or suddenly breaking a connection can feel literally shocking.

In addition to pads, other attachments are available, such as a wire that wraps around the penis just behind the glans, or anal and urethral probes or plugs.

Hands-free orgasms are quite common with electrical stimulation.

Some people make their own current generators. Applying the current usually sent to audio speakers directly to a person’s body can be interesting as the music literally moves you. If making your own equipment, you need to be careful to limit the amount of power being applied, especially the voltage.

65. Anal intercourse: This is a mainstay for most gay couples, but those heterosexual couples who start to play with it often find they’ve been missing out. Many women orgasm more easily, and more intensely from anal intercourse than conventional intercourse.

For new practitioners, going very slowly is important. Having a hard penis suddenly shoved in your ass could otherwise be painful. It is best to start with a lot of lube, and introduce a single finger into the recipient’s anus. Then add a second finger.

When it is time to apply the penis, go very slowly, and be prepared to stop, wait a while, or even until another day, until the recipient is ready.

Most people use rubbers. Even a long-time couple who are disease-free may prefer a condom to prevent icky material getting on the man’s penis.

If there is any risk at all of disease, a condom is required. Even that can’t be trusted fully. They sometimes break or come off in the recipient’s rectum. Anal sex is the number one way AIDS is transmitted in sex.

A stiff penis is required. Anal penetration is nearly impossible if the penis isn’t fully ready.

66. Lubes: Some people do all their sexual play without any lubrication other than natural body secretions. Everyone else uses various lubes, lotions or oils. You might get a kick out of trying different materials to experiment with different viscosities, thicknesses, and other characteristics. Different odors can make a huge different. You might like something minty, or something yummy, like coconut oil. Of course, anything you play with should be non-toxic.

67. Tickling: Like so many of these techniques, tickling can be loved or hated by your partner. Very light tickling anywhere on the body can be sexually stimulating. Tickling on the genitals can be exquisite. You can experiment with any form you both enjoy, such as tickling the soles of the feet, tying the recipient to the bed, running your fingers lightly over your partner’s back while fucking him or her doggy style, or tickling the scrotum or outer labia with a feather.

One surprising yet very enjoyable tickle when just starting sexual play can be done with a single sheet of toilet paper. Dangle the corner over, but not quite touching your partner’s genitals. Slowly lower it while waving it back and forth, until it is just touching. The best places to do this are on the outer labia, scrotum, or best of all the frenulum. That’s the little fold of skin on the underside of the penis just below the glans. Tickling this part of a flaccid penis will almost always result in a full erection within a minute.

68. Cold hands: Almost everyone will tell you that being touched with cold hands is miserable. The exception can be on the scrotum, in the ass crack, and sometimes the outer labia. In those places, cold fingers can be delicious.

69. Nudity at home: Make sure the house is warm enough so it will be enjoyable. Then, cook and eat your breakfast, putter around, do the wash, watch some TV, eat lunch, and so on, all without clothes. Seemingly simple, this can be a huge turn-on.

70. Sixty-nine: This refers to a couple laying so that one’s head is near the others genitals, and vice-versa. Each is able to kiss and lick the other. Sometimes this can lead to simultaneous orgasms, but almost always is very enjoyable.

71. Skinny dipping: You may have had times in your youth when you went swimming with friends and suits were not required. This was more common with boys than girls. Later on, perhaps in your college days, you and your friends of both sexes may have gone skinny dipping and it may have been very sexual. What about now? What would happen if you and your mate found a secluded place to take all your clothes off and enjoy a nice swim?

72. Unnecessary hotel room: Having sex in a hotel is a real treat for couples who do not do it often. You may find that renting a hotel room, even if in your own town, is a sexy way to spend a night.

73. Posing for art: Whether or not you or your partner have any artistic talent doesn’t matter. One of you can pose for the other, nude, of course. What’s surprising about this is that the art you or your mate create may be of better quality than you expected.

74. Camping trip: The point of a camping trip isn’t to get out in nature. It’s to get in a nice, cozy sleeping bag together in front of a roaring campfire.

75. Rape play: This, too, isn’t for everyone. Many women, and a few men are fascinated by the concept of rape, and would enjoy play acting a rape scene.

76. Cross-dressing: More men than women enjoy cross-dressing. This is probably because it is relatively OK for women to dress in the same way as men in many settings. A woman can wear blue-jeans, a button-up shirt, even a full suit with a tie, and it’s all OK. A man in a skirt or a dress, is an entirely different matter.

Although most men aren’t into cross-dressing, it is very common, It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with your guy, unless the same thing is wrong with millions of other men throughout the world. All these guys have all been fascinated by women’s clothing at one time or another. Help him out by setting up a situation in which he can wear a woman’s clothes, and see what it does, and where it leads. If he’s not shy about his fascination, he’ll be so thankful that you let him play.

77. Photoshoot: Take pictures of your partner in erotic settings, and enjoy looking at them every few years.

78. Naked day around the house: Nothing brings a couple together in a sexual way better than spending a day naked around the house. Some Saturday, or a time when you are both off from work, you might plan to spend the whole day without clothes.

79. Peehole examination: When is the last time you looked, really studied your partner’s peehole? This can be very erotic for the recipient.

80. Butt plug: People of all sexes can enjoy butt plugs. They come in many forms. Some are thin and long. Others are quite fat. Some are so wide that the average person can’t use them. You author’s favorite kind are the ones that are self-retaining. They are wide as they go in, then have a narrow neck, and end in a wide handle or base. This kind of butt plug takes time to insert because it stretches the anus very wide, but once in place will stay nicely, keeping the anus partially stretched open. One way to stretch yourself over a but plug is to set it on the floor, and slowly, carefully, sit on it.

People tend to leave butt plugs in place while continuing with other sorts of play. Conventional intercourse while the woman is wearing a butt plug is particularly enjoyable for her, especially when she is orgasming. She can often feel her contractions working against the plug.

The man can also wear a butt plug when having intercourse or even just while masturbating. Men, too, can feel the orgasmic contractions more strongly when a butt plug is in place.

People will often insert a butt plug, pull up their pants, and go about their day while wearing it. This keeps one sexually charged up all day long.

There is a tendency to get used to butt plugs and want to experiment with ever wider ones. One kind accommodates this very nicely. It is inflatable, and comes with an air pump so it will become as wide as you want.

81. Injaculation: Men have experimented with what’s frequently called ‘injaculation’ for millennia. The idea is you block ejaculation, generally by pressing an area of the perineum between the scrotum and anus. Pressing sufficiently to block ejaculation is difficult, and can be slightly painful for the man. When you get the right spot, the semen runs harmlessly backward into his bladder, to be voided next time he urinates. Some medical professionals say injaculation is dangerous, but this author knows of no reported cases of someone suffering consequences.

82. Clothespins: The spring-loaded kind of clothespins can be fun. You can apply one or more to your partners nipples, inner thighs, shoulders, upper arms, and of course the genitals. The bravest of partners will tolerate one or more clothespins on their inner labia, clitoris, frenulum, scrotum or glans. It hurts, but only a little bit. Interestingly, after leaving a clothespin on for a while, it really stings for a moment when it is removed.

83. Saline injection: Another procedure provided for your amusement, but totally not recommended, is saline injection. This sterile medical liquid can be injected into the outer labia, breasts and penis for temporary expansion. The most common place for saline injection is the scrotum. The scrotum can be made surprisingly huge and heavy. Within a few hours, the saline is absorbed by the body. It is a great way to contract an infection that will be hard to fight.

You may find that a few men have injected a small amount of saline directly into their testicles. It is supposedly painful, and of course quite dangerous.

84. Temperature play: Your partner may enjoy having warm or cold water poured on his or her genitals. Of course very hot water is dangerous. A very slow drip of very cold water can be quite exciting on a hot day.

85. Waterpik: Perhaps you have one of those dental contraptions that sprays water in your mouth to clean your teeth and gums. Starting with the lightest setting, and keeping the nozzle a few inches away, try spraying warm water on your friend’s sexual organs or elsewhere. Avoid the temptation to spray water into a peehole, since an infection can be introduced.

86. Hot wax: Light a candle, and drip hot wax from at least a foot away onto your partner. It is ouchy, but not terribly so. Some people really like this. Pouring hot wax on the genitals, especially the clit or scrotum is a given. You may also find it erotic to drip wax on your partner’s back, legs, or stomach.

87. Nibbling: Some people enjoy light nibbling with the front teeth of the inner labia, clitoris, scrotum, and penis. An especially good target is the corona of the penis, the ridge around the back of the glans. Where nibbling seems to work best, and is most often practiced, is on the nipples. There are a few men who like hard nibbling on their nipples.

88. Sucking testicles: Some men like having their testicles sucked into their partner’s mouth, and sometimes massaged with the tongue.

89. Blowjob: You may already be an expert at giving blowjobs, otherwise known as sucking on the penis. If you’re not, the one thing you want to remember is to keep your teeth away from the skin. Most men really enjoy blowjobs. Using a lot of saliva makes it more fun. For those who enjoy doing so, the penis can be sent deep into the throat. With a bit of practice, the gag reflex can be overcome, much to the delight of the man. Literally sucking on the penis has a nice effect, and you’ll find you can build a strong vacuum in the mouth. Another nice effect is running your tongue over the peehole, and even pressing it partially into the peehole. You’ll want to be cautious about getting saliva deep into the urethra, because that could start an inflammation.

Also, avoid the temptation to blow air into the urethra. This can be done, and the urethra will inflate. The air then releases with a raspberry sound, which can be interesting. By pulsing the air as you blow it into the urethra, you can cause the urethra to fill with air all the way down to the bladder. It is even possible to force air into the bladder. The problem with all this is that you can easily introduce bacteria, resulting in an infection that can be hard to overcome. It could even, in rare cases, be fatal.

90. Cockring: Any sort of rubber, plastic, cloth or metal ring can be placed around the base of the penis. Some cockrings are rigid and difficult to apply and remove. Others use Velcro or other means to close around the penis.

A mild application of a cockring can maintain an erection. The veins that return blood to the rest of the body are partially blocked, so the erection cannot easily subside. Binding in this way for more than a short while is dangerous. The blood can clot, and then you have a medical emergency.

Very tight binding can cause the penis to stay flaccid, even during an orgasm, which is quite unusual. However, ejaculation is blocked, which can be painful.

Cockrings can be applied behind or in front of the testicles. Generally, the adjustable or openable kind of cockrings are used behind the testicles, because otherwise a ring has to be quite large to get the testicles to pass through. Just putting the ring on and taking it off can be an erotic experience, if you like testicle manipulation.

A number of unfortunate men have tried using small solid rings, such as wedding bands as cockrings. They apply the ring, the penis erects, and then they can’t get it off, resulting in an embarrassing trip to the hospital, where bolt cutters or even disk grinders have to be used. The man in this situation becomes quite a spectacle in the emergency room, as many personnel feel a need to watch the procedure. Not generally a good day for the patient.

By far the most common use of cockrings is for decoration. They are loose, only lightly encircling the penis. They can have a placebo effect, meaning that just by being conscious of the ring, the man maintains an erection. Cockrings are often seen when exhibitionist men congregate, such as nude beaches, bathhouses or permissive LGBT affairs.

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Young Male Massage Practitioner

Copyright 2017, Jeremy J. Watson

I’m normal in every way, except one. If you saw me on the street, you wouldn’t remember me. I’m average height at 5′ 10,” wear my brown hair medium length, and have a trimmed beard. I’m not thin, but I’m not fat. But the one thing that’s different about me is that I’ve always been a rebel.

My embarrassing father taught me to be rebellious before he drank himself to death. That’s the one thing I got from him, his repeated admonishments, “Think for yourself, boy!”

He was one of those happy drunks. Never violent, just making messes wherever he went. Dad couldn’t keep a job, especially after he lost his driver’s license. He was a loving father, but just sloppy drunk too often. I lost him when I was sixteen. It was a shame, and it messed up my life and my mother’s life. We were already in poverty, and then, we had to come up with $800 for his cremation. All Mom and I had was a junky house, and even that we were on the verge of losing, always being late with the mortgage month after month.

As the end of high school approached, I was hopelessly behind sexually. I hadn’t had any sort of sex with anyone. At the time, I was trying to get laid by girls thinking that was the ‘right’ thing to do.

From as early as I can remember, I’d swivel my head whan a good-looking guy rode by on a bike or when I saw underwear ads, When I’d see a girl in a bikini or something, I usually forgot to even look until one of my buddies might say something like, “Did you see the knockers on her?” I didn’t know what to make of the situation, but tried to stay focused on women. My dilemma concerned me greatly, and I spent hours trying to understand how I fit into the world.

With my friends, I’d play along. I’d share in all the off-color jokes about women, and pretend that I was on the verge of dating one girl or another. Truth is, I didn’t really know how to talk to women, let alone anything more. One by one, my buddies fell away, as they each in turn hooked up with a girlfriend. I was secretly jealous, but what could I do?

Finally, Michelle came along. She was second-generation Korean, short, slim, small-breasted, with long, straight hair, and cute as a button. I actually found her attractive. And she seemed to like my quirky, rebellious sense of humor. Maybe she liked my shyness too, because she was the opposite, always saying whatever was on her mind, no matter how outrageous. Among the 12th grade girls, she was a sort of leader. She and I started having conversations, and it was easy. It wasn’t like talking to other girls. I finally figured out why: She was a rebel, too.

We got closer, and started kissing. It was OK. Not super-great, but definitely OK. The day came when she started wanting to have sex with me. I had been resisting. I don’t know why, Maybe, it was because deep down, I knew I was gay. I wasn’t really attracted to her the way I thought I was supposed to be.

I could only put her off for so long. She became insistent. She’d do things like pinch my crotch while kissing, try to pull down my fly, or get us into games of strip poker.

One day, after the usual gym class shower, in which I tried hard not to get an erection, successfully I might add, she and I got together at my house while my mom was at work. I was still horny from seeing a couple of naked guys in the showers.

She had a deck of cards, and wanted to play strip blackjack. I went along. It seemed to me, that although the thought was scary, getting naked with her might actually be enjoyable.

So we played, and lost clothes at a nearly equal rate. Finally, she lost her bra, and I saw my first-ever set of live girl tits. Oh, I had seen stuff on the Internet, but never really paid attention. I kind of liked what I saw in Michelle. She was like a little boy, in a way with her small, nearly flat boobs, and perhaps that enhanced my appreciation. I was surprisingly attracted to her small, pointed, dark nipples, and imagined myself sucking them.

Then, I lost a hand, and my last covering, my underpants, were no longer going to protect me. She insisted that I remove them. So what could I do? I did. My penis wasn’t erect, for which I was grateful. Somehow, having an erection in front of her seemed like it would be embarrassing.

Michelle frowned. “Why aren’t you hard? Don’t you like me? Don’t you like what you see?”

I didn’t know how to answer that, and so I hesitated for a moment. Her lower lip started to quiver.

OK, it was now or never. I had been kind of admitting it to myself for the last year or so, but to avoid hurting her feelings, I had to say it, and I hoped that my good friend, Michelle, of all people, would be understanding.

“Michelle, I have a… well, a secret. I might be attracted more to guys.”

“Hot fucking damn!” she practically yelled. “I knew it.”

Within seconds her frown turned to a smile.

“Ben, it’s OK. In fact, I think it’s great!”

Wow, that was easier than I thought.

“But Ben, let’s continue the game.”

“Really?”

“Yes, fuck yes.”

I was feeling all weird inside, but she seemed to want to continue our strip card game, so what the hell, right? I was already naked, so it couldn’t get any worse. In fact, it wasn’t that bad. It felt somehow freeing to be naked with a good friend. I could swear I felt a breeze on my ass and balls, even though we were in my bedroom, and I liked it.

She lost the next hand, and she took off her little underpants right away. Of course, I noticed the dark curly hair around her vagina, Now, you’d have thought I’d get excited, or at least a little twinge, but nothing. Not even like the bit of excitement I got in the school shower with the guys. Well, maybe I had a bit of curiosity, but that’s all.

She then said, “Let’s keep playing.”

“How? I mean, what’s more to lose?”

“Well, if you win the next hand, I have to do what you tell me. If I win, you do what I say.”

“Fuck that!”

“Now Ben, I won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want, I promise. And, I’ll bet you can’t think of anything to ask me that I wouldn’t want to do for you.”

‘Wow,’ I was thinking. ‘Now, that’s interesting.’

I won the next hand, and I wanted to see a vagina up close. I didn’t really like the looks of pussies, from what I’d seen on the internet. They seemed like wounds into a girl’s body or something. Still, I was curious. So, I asked her to let me look closely.

I was expecting her to put up a fuss, but no, still sitting, she scooted to the edge of the bed and spread her legs really wide.

I approached tentatively, and after a moment, I placed my fingers in that hair, and kind of separated it so I could see her slit. I just looked. She told me to spread it open. I started to, but she said “Ouch.”

I guess I had pulled her hair. More carefully, I did spread it open. It smelled kind of fishy, but not terrible. I found the little thing called the clitoris, and carefully rubbed my fingertip against it. She leaned back and said “Mmmmm!”

I had read that girls like this, so I kept doing it for a while. She leaned back further, and scooted so she was laying on the bed. I noticed that her pussy was getting quite wet. She was starting to arch her back, but suddenly stopped me. “Not yet,” she said.

I guessed she was getting close to orgasm.

While this was happening, and without me noticing, I was starting to spring an erection. I was feeling… well, many things. I was delighted. Maybe it meant I wasn’t gay, which was still a big concern for me. I was really confused back then. On the other hand having a boner was also terribly embarrassing. No way Michelle didn’t see it.

But she was delighted! She reached out, and gingerly touched it.

Bang! Electric shock! I had never experienced anything like that in my life. Oh, I had masturbated a million times by then, but that was the first ever touch by someone else. Not even a doctor had touched my dick. My parents didn’t even have money for medical insurance, didn’t understand paperwork, and so I had never been to a doctor.

I asked her to touch it again, and she did, and I got another, somewhat smaller shock effect. She kept her hand on my dick, and started slightly stroking it up and down. I got super-hard, as erect as I had ever been. I have to tell you that even though it was a girl touching me, it felt amazing!

She was pretty smart, and knew if she kept it up, I’d cum right away. Instead, she stopped.

She leaned over to the floor and started digging around in her backpack, eventually pulling out a small packet. I knew what it was, and what she wanted. I figured, ‘Why not?’

I asked her to put it on me, but she declined, saying I’d probably ejaculate if she did. In retrospect, she was probably right.

So, opening a rubber packed for the first time in my life, I took it out, and figured out how to unroll it onto my cock. She was so right, I almost came from my own attention to my dick at that point.

“If you’re gay, you’ll like it this way. Just pretend I’m a guy.” she said, and with that, she got back on the bed on her hands and knees with her ass up and open.

I got behind her, and actually enjoyed the view. Especially her small, puckered, somewhat brownish asshole was perfect. If I could only have one memory in my life, I was thinking, I wanted it to be that image! Oddly, I wanted to press my dick into that anus of hers, but I knew that wasn’t quite right. Girls like to be fucked in their vaginas.

Being a good-natured guy, I did that for her. She was terribly wet, and so we didn’t need any lubrication. I wouldn’t have known if we had needed lube at that point. As I said, I was completely inexperienced with girls, and guys, too, of course.

Kneeling behind her, I very slowly, and awkwardly, pressed my penis into her vagina. Even though I didn’t care for the look of that part of her, I noticed how beautiful and warm it felt, even through the rubber. Then I felt an involuntary squeeze from her pussy. I’m sure you can guess what happened. I came right away.

A minute later, my penis wilted and sort of fell out of her vagina.

She expressed a mild disappointment.

Now this is horrible: She asked if I could kiss her vagina or rub her clit some to give her an orgasm. I said “No,” and ran into the bathroom, still wearing the rubber.

I know that was very bad form, and must have hurt her feelings, but I was alarmingly conflicted. Five minutes later, without the rubber, I reappeared, and apologized. I still couldn’t bring myself to touch, let alone kiss her vagina, and she seemed to be OK with that.

So, I fucked a girl, and it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. I kind of liked it, even though it freaked me out.

But that was the only time. Michelle and I talked about it, and she decided she wanted what she called a “true, blue guy.” I was OK with it too, because I just wasn’t, well, I don’t really know. I just didn’t want any more sex with her. What I came to realize later, is I really didn’t want sex with any girls.

It’s like you really want chocolate ice cream. Someone gives you peanut ice cream. Yes, you’ll eat it, and it’s OK, but it’s not quite right.

We’re still friends to this day. I mean, if we see each other in the grocery store or something, we are happy to see each other and catch up a bit. But that’s all.

High school ended, and I graduated with fairly good grades. With my dad being gone, and absolutely no money, I knew I had to do something. The military was not an option. I’m a rebel, remember? I thought becoming a nurse might be a good idea. Since I’m kind of inept at dealing with people, what could be a better experience for me than to have to deal with people on such an intimate level as a nurse must do?

But, it wasn’t going to happen. I spent quite a bit of time with the guidance counselor trying to figure out how to get into a nursing school. There was just no way I could raise the money, and no one would co-sign for a student loan who had good enough credit. Why I needed a co-signer, I don’t know. Maybe the banks knew about my mother’s bad credit. My mom was working full time, but her credit was shot to hell.

So I got to thinking about what might be similar to nursing that didn’t require a degree. It doesn’t take a particularly intelligent person to come up with massage as a possible alternative. You and I both know that there are various ways to do massage. I was talking about legitimate massage. But I didn’t even have money for massage school. Now, it’s technically illegal to do massages without a license, but I was desperate. I could do massages and make $60 for an hour, and maybe get my own place, help my mom out of debt and so on, or bag groceries for $10 per hour, and maybe barely manage to cover the cost of food. Rebel thinking, right?

In this case, I wasn’t enough of a rebel. I chose bagging. As it turns out, the world is full of 18-year-olds like myself who want to do that sort of minimum wage job. After spending a week applying everywhere, I discovered there were no openings for me.

My mom was supporting me, and she was sinking in a hole fast. I had to do something. So, I went to the library, and took out three books on massage.

I explained my plan to my mother, and she nixed it, saying she didn’t raise her one and only child to do something illegal. Completely frustrated, I asked her what my options were. She didn’t have an answer. The next day, when she came home from work, she said, “OK, but be careful. Furthermore, as soon as you can, go to massage school, and get properly licensed.” In her optimistic way, she was already seeing me being successfull in the massage business, which I suppose was contagious.

The books I borrowed were sort of exciting. Especially one, where a good-looking man was being the subject in the photos. They were old-style black and white pictures, and the guy was fully naked. In one shot, he was laying on his stomach, and his buttocks were being worked on. They were stretched just a bit open, and you could barely see his hairy asshole and the bottom of his scrotum.

As soon as I saw that, I took a break and jerked off. I was thinking, ‘I wouldn’t mind working on naked people all the time!’ Unfortunately, the other two books indicated that a massage practitioner usually drapes clients, meaning they are modestly covered with cloth most of the time.

I studied, and learned, also looking up ‘massage’ on the Internet, doing my best to focus on the legitimate stuff, not all the crazy sexuality.

A few days later, I felt I had picked up all the information I could. Now it was time to get a little practice.

I called a high school acquaintance, and offered him a free massage, explaining my plan. He was like, “No, too weird.”

I was embarrassed, and almost didn’t call another guy. But remembering my mom’s plight, I got up the balls and called another guy.

Same thing, I explained how I was learning to become a massage practitioner, and needed to practice. I was bracing for the inevitable, but he said, “OK.”

We arranged for him to come over at 4pm. I also called my mom at work and asked her not to come home until 5:30. That was fine with her because she usually didn’t get home until around 6 anyway.

So four o’clock came along and James didn’t show up. I was crushed. But about eight minutes later, the doorbell rang. Suddenly, instead of crushed, I was nervous. What the fuck was I thinking? Me, a massage practitioner? Oh well, it was arranged, I had to go through with it.

So I opened the door and let James in. I should probably mention that he wasn’t a close friend. He and I had played chess a half-dozen times, that’s about it. The thing is, I had to go with acquaintances rather than friends, because I was kind of embarrassed about letting my friends know I was planning this whole massage thing.

James was not a close friend because he was out of my league. He was one of the really cool guys in the school. Fortunately for me, he liked chess, and I’m particularly good at that game.

James was really tall, probably around 6’4,” short-haired and thin. He was also very black, like straight African ancestry. He was also a great basketball player who had won a scholarship to a university in Ohio. He was a great first ‘victim’ because if the massage didn’t go well, he be gone away to college in a couple of months and hopefully wouldn’t tell anyone in the meantime. He came in kind of reluctantly.

After a bit of small talk, he told me he had been having some trouble with his left shoulder. He thought I might be able to help with that.

Blustering entirely, I said, “Of course.”

I showed him to the bathroom, told him to remove his clothes, and come out wearing a towel. A few minutes later he reappeared.

I drew in my breath, hoping he didn’t hear me. The guy was gorgeous. I should have maintained a professional attitude, but those long black legs of his caused an immediate horny reaction in my stomach and elsewhere.

Trying to seem professional, as if I had done this a million times before, I directed him onto the torn, second-hand massage table I had. He didn’t know how bad it was, because it was covered with a sheet.

James laid down, and I went to work. I knew enough to warm my hands and use massage oil right from the start. I kind of randomly rubbed his delicious, skinny, shiny back. Then, I decided to do what I could for his shoulder. I just kind of pinched here and there. As I was doing that, he’d mutter little things like, “Um hum,” “Oo,” “Yes,” or “Mmm.” Once, when I hit a sensitive spot he quietly said “Ouch.”

I practically jumped when he said that. I didn’t want to hurt the guy. I wanted to do it right, to give him a really good massage. All the while, I realized I didn’t really know anything about what I was doing.

After what seemed like a long enough time, I worked down his back, and down his upper arms to his hands. I was worried that he’d think it was ‘gay’ to massage his hands, but he seemed to like it.

Then I went to his upper legs, working my way to his feet. Something I didn’t realize about giving massages is that it is a lot of work. My wrists and thumbs were starting to cramp up. When I couldn’t take it any more, I figured a brief break would help, so I asked him to roll over.

He said, “Wait, aren’t you going to do my butt?”

I was like, “Oh, right.” and I tried to sort of reach under the towel and massage his glutes a bit. He knew I was struggling with trying to reach under the towel, and keep it on him at the same time, because he just reached back with one hand, grabbed the towel, and threw it on the floor.

What a magnificent ass! Smooth as an eight-ball, and nearly as black. I might have been starting to have an erection at that point, but that was unprofessional, so I tried willing it away. Not knowing exactly what to do, I started massaging his ass with both hands. I guess I got it about right because he was saying, “Mmmm, excellent!”

At one point, with one hand on each ass cheek, I made a movement which spread his ass cheeks apart, and I saw his asshole. It was mostly hairless, and if you can imagine, it was even darker than the rest of him. I was sorely tempted to touch it, but I knew better.

In retrospect, I’ll bet if I had rubbed my finger lightly around it, then slowly stuck it in, he would have loved it. But I still had a lot to learn.

After what seemed like the appropriate amount of time, I had him flip over and placed the towel back over his crotch area, but not before noticing he was sporting a nice erection. And his very black, uncircumcised dick was huge, like eight inches long. I resisted the urge to touch it, or even mention it. He didn’t say anything either. The sexual charge in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife, at least for me. I don’t know what he was thinking, but his erect dick said a lot.

But I was trying to be a professional. I then massaged his shoulders again, remembering he said he wanted particular attention there, then his upper arms, lower arms, hands, then upper legs, lower legs, and feet, My aching wrists were shot!

I simply said “Finished!” and expected him to jump off the table. He spent a good minute just laying there and not saying anything. I was getting into a weird expectant space. What was he going to say? It was like tests in school. You think maybe you’ve done OK, but you may have failed miserably. You have to wait until the teacher hands the corrected tests back to you before you get to find out. And this was a really important test, in my mind.

He sat up ever so slowly, and pivoted around, dangling his long legs off the side of the table.

“Oh man, that was the most fucking excellent massage I’ve ever had!”

With that, he modestly went back into the bathroom to get dressed, as if I hadn’t seen his dick and all that. I mean, I saw him with an erection! How cool is that? Yes, I was going to like this line of work.

Right after James left, I called a couple of my closer friends, and then my best friend, Clinton. The first two guys turned me down, but Clint said “OK, as long as you don’t get weird on me.” We arranged a time for the next day.

All the rest of that evening, I was obsessed with his comment. By ‘getting weird’ on him, did he mean just because it was a guy giving another guy a massage, or did he somehow know I was tending toward gayness? This was still a time when I was not really sure what I was, and really didn’t want the whole world to know my situation.

I also called Michelle that evening, and she was happy to come over at 2pm.

I couldn’t wait for Clint to arrive at 10am. Fortunately, he arrived a few minutes early, because I was tearing myself to shreds waiting. It was a mix of nervousness, excitement, and I think maybe horniness, too. You see, I had been secretly hoping to get my hands on Clint, in a sexual way, ever since, well, probably around the fourth grade. A massage might not be sexual, but it would be the next best thing. I knew he’d have to be draped, but I was hoping to get at least a peak at his stuff at some point during the massage.

So Clint arrived. I’ve always liked his style. He’s of some sort of Scandinavian descent, with very light skin, hair so blond it’s almost white. Like me, he is otherwise medium-built. He’s also the kindest guy in the world. He’s polite and always-accommodating. Maybe that’s the real reason he accepted the massage. It may be that he didn’t want a massage at all, he was just going to do it for me. I was hoping he’d get some enjoyment out of it, at least.

Like I had done it a million times before, after a minute of chit-chat, I instructed him to go in the bathroom, take off his stuff, and return wearing only a towel.

He came back and I had him lay face-down on the table. The table was covered with the same sheet that I had used with James the day before. I hadn’t yet learned that you change the sheets between each client. Geez!

I asked Clint whether he wanted anything in particular, and he didn’t think so.

I warmed my hands, got some oil, and started on his shoulders. At first he was totally quiet, but then, same as James, he seemed to really get into my attention, letting me know with little quips of “Mmm…” and “Nice.” I worked my way down his back then his shoulders to his upper arms, then his lower arms, and his hands. Again, I was hoping he wouldn’t think it too ‘gay’ of me to massage his hands. He seemed OK with that.

Then I did his upper legs, calves and finally his feet. Having learned from James yesterday, I then whipped off the towel to start on his buttocks.

“What the fuck?” he practically screamed.

I was shocked. I didn’t expect that, quickly putting the towel back on, and explaining that I was going to massage his glutes.

“Oh, I see. Go ahead.”

Ah, I didn’t expect that, either! So, I took the towel back off, half-expecting him to tell me to put it back, but no, he was good with it, and I went to work on his butt. After a minute, I purposely pulled his ass cheeks apart a bit so I could see his anus. I wasn’t going to miss that opportunity. And, what a butthole it was! It was just ever so slightly pinkish, or maybe a brownish-shade of pink, and had slight radial wrinkles leading to the center. I also saw the back of his scrotum, which was drawn up, and had feather-like wrinkles. Very nice. Oh what I would have given for this massage to turn sexual.

After a minute, I asked him to roll over.

“Hey Benjamin, would you mind doing my butt a bit more first?”

Would I mind? Heck no! Without a word, I resumed on his butt. I noticed that when my fingers came close to his asshole, he seemed to push toward them, as if he wanted me to focus more on that area. So I did, slightly, just running my fingers along near where the color turns darker, about an inch from the opening itself. He didn’t seem to mind, and I was pretty sure he was liking it.

I decided I had to try something, but I knew it was a big risk. I figured I could brush my fingertips right over his asshole itself for a split second. If he freaked out, I’d just say, “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.”

But the thing is, I didn’t get up the gumption. I really wanted to do that, but was afraid it would be too much.

After perhaps a full five minutes of butt rubbing, I asked him to turn over again.

“Ben, if you don’t mind, just a little bit more.”

So, I did more. Now it was time to try the finger on the anus thing, and hope for the best.

I did it. I ran my finger directly over his anus. I don’t know what it did for him, but it increased the erection that had been in my pants for the past several minutes. He didn’t object, so after a few seconds, I did it again.

“Ben, Uh…”

I though he was going to tell me to stop, or maybe even call me a faggot or something.

“Benjamin, I, um.. well, I get erections easily. It’s not a sexual thing.”

For a second I didn’t understand where he was going with this. Then it dawned on me! He was having me do all that butt work because he didn’t want to roll over and have me see his erection.

Sounding exactly like the expert I wished I was, I tried to say as casually as possible, “Oh, guys get erections all the time, it’s no big deal.” The only problem was my voice squeaked a bit when I said it. I cleared my throat, and continued, “No big deal at all. Part of the business.” I had been so happy to simply see his anus, let alone touch it, and now it seemed I might not only see his penis, but it would be erect. This was too good to be true!

He pushed his hand against the table and rolled over. His magnificent erection stuck straight up in the air at a 90 degree angle. His ordinary six-incher was uncircumcised, and very white, especially there, and to my added delight, he was one of these guys who shaves his crotch. I’d seen a couple of shaved guys in the gym shower, but never up close, and never as magnificent as Clinton!

What does a professional massage practitioner say when seeing such a thing? Nothing. That’s what I decided. I knew I couldn’t throw a towel over it because it was sticking up too prominently. The towel would not only be a joke, it’s weight on his erect dick might hurt him a bit. So, I just went on with my massage. First his shoulders, then his upper arms, working my way to his hands. I hoped he didn’t notice that I was shaking a bit.

After that, I worked on his upper thighs. I really wanted to touch his dick or maybe his scrotum a bit at that point, but I knew that would be going too far. Instead, I worked my way down his legs, and then did his ankles and his feet.

Not only his erection stay solid, it was bobbing up and down a bit with every heart beat.

Now what? I could certainly sense that I was leaving something unfinished. And of course I knew what it was. Clint needed release. I really didn’t know how to respond, so I went back to the head of the table, pretending some more massage was needed. But what to do? I had already massaged his shoulders and neck. But not his face! Well, why not? So, I started gently rubbing his cheeks, his temples, and his jaw, thinking he’d stop me at any moment. But no, he held his eyes closed, and I could tell he was enjoying this very intimate massage.

Finally, there was nothing more I could do.

I told him I was finished, and remembering how James had gotten up so slowly, I let him know he could take as long as he needed to get off the table.

After only a few seconds, Clint practically ran to the bathroom, with his erection waving before him. He took a bit longer in there than I expected, I’ll bet he jerked off. I know I would have.

Finally, he emerged, a bit red in the face, and thanked me profusely. He also apologized for the erection. Without thinking it through, I told him something that was perhaps a bit more forward than I intended, I said, “I enjoyed seeing it.”

The minute he left, I sat on the table, took off my own clothes, and rubbed myself to a spectacular orgasm.

Two o’clock came, and along with it, came Michelle. I told her the same thing, go in the bathroom and change into a towel. She came out after a few minutes and laid down on my table.

I started on her in the usual way, working her neck, shoulders, upper arms and so on. When I got to her hands, she said, “Ben, I’ve had massages before,…”

Alarm bells went off in my brain. What was she going to critique? What stupid thing did I forget or not understand?

“…but this is the best ever!”

I thanked her for the kind words, and then worked on her thighs, calves, ankles and feet. I then came up to her butt, and trying to leave the towel in place, massaged her butt. She asked me whether the towel was necessary.

I removed it, and continued on her butt. I couldn’t resist looking at her asshole, and was kind of amused to notice that it really looked about the same as a guy’s asshole. Like her pussy and nipples, it was somewhat darkly pigmented. I also noticed her ‘wound’ – the way I though of vaginas. Somehow, I was not only not attracted, I was kind of grossed out by it. I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I did.

I had her roll over and was confronted with a new problem. With guys, you can massage their chest just like the rest of their bodies. But what do you do with a woman?

Something else I got from my dad: Communication. He always told me, “When in doubt, communicate.” So I just asked her, would she like her breasts massaged?

She assented, and voluntarily removed the towel, so her whole self was naked before me. You know what? She was really quite attractive, wound and all.

I did her arms, her hands, her thighs, lower legs and feet. Then I came back up, got the front of her neck, her shoulders again, and then, gingerly started rubbing and squeezing her breasts. She loved it. I noticed that ever so lightly rubbing her nipples sent some sort of shiver through her, which she seemed to particularly enjoy.

Something came over me, and I worked lightly down her stomach, and then I started rubbing around the top of her crotch hair. I touched her vagina, and she didn’t object. Interestingly, I found it easier to touch a woman’s vagina than a man’s penis. Go figure! Maybe because it meant less to me.

Michelle became vocal, directing me in exactly how to touch her. She had me rubbing generous amounts of oil on her clitoris, then she wanted me to stick a finger inside. I really didn’t want to do that. It seemed kind of gross. But she’s a friend, and she really seemed to want it. I can understand being horned up, even if it’s a girl, so I went ahead and did it for her. It was surprisingly warm in there. I had experienced that warmth before with my dick, but this was the first time with a finger. She instructed me to turn so that my finger could curl upward and rub the area it contacted inside her. Then she wanted two fingers in there. I was just about to quit when she suddenly started moaning and arching her back. I realized she was orgasming. After a few seconds, I pulled my fingers out.

“No!” she screamed, then told me to put my fingers back in and keep going. So I did, and brought her to a second and third orgasm before she finally calmed down.

Oddly, I enjoyed doing that for her. Very much.

Right after her appointment, the phone rang. It was Kers, a friend of James. He heard I was giving free massages. Would I have time to do him?

Thinking so fast that I’m proud of it, I said, “Yes, but they’re no longer free.”

“Oh.” He sounded crushed.

“Well, how much?”

Thinking quickly again, I said “Sixty bucks.”

Silence.

“Oh Dude, I’m sorry, I don’t have that kind of money.”

“How much do you have?”

“How about $20?”

“Deal!” I would have done it for free. Especially since I know Kirs a little bit. He’s another tall guy. He kind of looks like a modern version of Cary Grant.

He came over the next day, and everything started in the usual way. He, too, didn’t want the towel when I did his butt. He too, seemed to like it when I brushed my fingertips over his anus. He too, had a nice erection when he rolled over. I ignored it, of course.

As the massage was nearing a close, he said, “Dude, I was kind of hoping for something more.”

Sometimes I’m a bit thick. Trying to give him what he wanted, I started working on his shoulders again, more than happy to comply, even though my wrists and thumbs were hurting a bit.

“Thanks, that’s nice, but do you ever give…” Then he hesitated, and finally hoarsely whispered, “happy endings?”

Call me an idiot, but I didn’t know what he meant. I wanted to ask him, but thought that would be unprofessional. So I had a problem, how could I possibly give him that, whatever it was, since I didn’t know what it was? Remembering what my dad taught me about communication, I went ahead and asked, “What’s that?”

“Really? You don’t know? OK, so… um,.. it’s like I’ve got this boner, and I guess it’s a natural effect from massage…”

I was starting to get an idea of what he wanted.

“Yes, lots of guys get erections during a massage.” Like I had actually done ‘lots of guys’.

“Well, can you do something for that?”

The rebel in me came out. I was delighted to help Kirs out. “Got it!” and with that, in a kind of going for broke attitude, like the first time jumping off a diving board, I grabbed his very erect penis like I owned it. It was the first time in my I had touched a penis besides my own. It was surprising in many ways. First, it was warm. Then, it was really harder than I expected. At the same time, the skin over it was very soft and flexible. I knew all this from my own dick, but somehow, feeling it on someone else reminded me how warm, hard, and soft a penis can be, all at the same time.

I started pumping it up and down the same way I jerk myself off. He shot three or four good squirts into the air almost immediately. That was easy, and it was fun!

He cleaned up, gave me my $20 and left. I was now, officially, a professional! I had collected money for a massage. It was time to hang out my shingle.

But the problem was how to give massages without a license, and stay legal? Well, I had looked that up on the Internet, I had studied long and hard one evening, and came up with the answer. You can’t legally advertise yourself as a massage practitioner, but you can teach massage all day long. It turns out you don’t need a license to teach. I found that to be an amusing loophole, and one I was planning to take full advantage of. All I had to do was figure exactly how.

I posted in the services section of Craigslist that I would teach one-on-one hands-on massage ‘tutoring.’ Fifteen minutes later, my post went live, and literally sat near the phone. I kept expecting the phone to ring, and kept checking my email. Nothing. A couple hours later, I went back to Craigslist, and someone had flagged my ad. It was gone. I reposted it. An hour later, gone again! To say I was disappointed would be a huge understatement. Now what to do?

I figured out that my ad was posted in the wrong place, and probably written incorrectly. I tried several experiments over the next few days, but nothing worked. Sometimes the ads stayed up, but no one responded.

In the meantime, James came around again. Since Kers had arrived because of James, and because James had been so appreciative of his first massage, I gave him a free massage.

Taking note of Kers’ interest in the “happy ending” I came right out and offered it to James, kind of cringing as I did so, because there’s no telling how he’d react.

Here’s what he said: “If I give you a blowjob, it’s gay. If you give me one, it’s just a guy getting a blowjob.”

I freaked. “Who said anything about a blowjob?”

“No, I mean, yes, I’d like a happy ending.”

I massaged James in what was becoming the usual way and he enjoyed it. When I started to give extra attention to his sore shoulder, he said that I had cured it the other day, and that he’d rather have me spend more time on the ‘ending.’

I sped through the rest of the standard massage steps, then went right to the heart of the action. There he was, laying on his back, with his erection laying against his belly. Evidently when one’s dick is that large, it doesn’t stick up in the air. Gravity lays it down. I gingerly put my fingers around his warm, rock-hard penis, and he was obviously in heaven. I started stroking up and down. He didn’t cum right away, and I was glad, because I truly liked doing it.

After five minutes, he still hadn’t cum, and my arm was getting tired. I thought I’d try something based on what I thought I might like in similar circumstances. With my other hand, I started lightly squishing his balls back and forth, kind of massaging them in his sack. He said “Mmm,” so I knew I was on the right track. Moments later, he ejaculated all over my hand and his stomach. I was almost as delighted as he was. After he left, I sat on the table, remembering his penis, and jerked myself off to a quick and strong orgasm.

While waiting for Craigslist to give me some clients, I was thinking about this “happy ending” thing. In my limited knowledge, it seemed most of the guys became erect during massages, and even Michelle became quite horny. No doubt they’d all like happy endings. Maybe I should specialize in some sort of masturbation practice. Little did I know at the time that most massages in the world aren’t like that. I was to learn years later that most massage practices are ‘legitimate’ and happy endings are rare.

Being frustrated by the lack of response on Craigslist, and at the same time wary of circumventing the law, and also being a bit of a rebel, I came up with an idea.

There was no chance of being illegal if I didn’t touch people at all. What if I offered some sort of instruction, not massage? What if I taught what I know? But what exactly do I know best? That would be masturbation. Somehow, I could teach masturbation. That would certainly be easier on my thumbs and wrists which were aching after every massage.

I called Michelle, the only person I knew who could be objective and supportive, and told her all about my new idea. I could imagine her pretty dark eyes sparkling on the other end of the phone conversation as she said that was a ‘fantastic’ idea. She even helped me flesh out some of the details.

I stayed up almost an entire night learning advanced masturbation techniques on the Internet.

I called James and Clint, and explained to both of them what I was thinking of. A few days ago, I could never have mentioned such a crazy and rebellious idea. But since their happy endings, I figured they’d be on-board with helping me out. I was right.

Clint was first, and I told him to pretend he was a new client. I was going to talk him through an advanced masturbation session. Although I wasn’t going to be touching him, he was still all in favor of the idea.

He came over, took off his clothes, and sat on my massage table. He had an erection even before his pants came off. I started filling the air with instructor-like talk, kind of hypnotically guiding him through a couple of grips, showing him how to rub the palm of his hand over the head of his dick for a very sparkly sensation, how to pull the frenulum to stay near the point of orgasm longer, and so on. All the things I had learned, some of which I hadn’t even had time to practice on myself yet.

It worked well, and he shot a good load of cum within just a few minutes. I thought it would have taken an hour or so.

Next came James. We did pretty much the same thing. He wasn’t hard when he removed his pants, but it didn’t take him long to get that way. I really enjoyed watching him stroke his big, black, shiny, eight-incher. He particularly liked the frenulum pulling thing. After he ejaculated, he told me that it was especially ‘hot’ having a guy watch him masturbate, causing me to think I was onto something big.

I went back to Craigslist, and posted that I was teaching advanced masturbation techniques.

An email came in. A real, honest-to-goodness client, not some sort of spam for a change. I had the guy come over, and although a bit nervous, I did a good job, and the session went well.

This fellow, Greg, was a fat, forty-something, balding fellow. Not much to look at, but with an enjoyable, jolly personality. With Clint and James, I had started to develop a kind of spiel, and so I started the same way with Greg. He got hard in rapid order. I was a bit concerned that he might not, and it seemed he didn’t have much to work with. When he first removed his pants, his penis was not much more than a walnut-size nub sticking out above his scrotum, and in a field of long straggly gray and black hairs. But once it started to grow, it made it to a full six inches. In less than fifteen minutes, he ejaculated. Less than five minutes after that, his pants were back on, he was out the door, and I was $40 wealthier!

For the next two days, nothing at all. I was starting to get depressed when the phone rang. It was another customer!

I had him come over, and we went through the same procedure. This guy was probably around 70 years old, but did just fine in the erection department. He, too, came within minutes, thanked me profusely, and left after paying not the $40 I had asked, but a crisp $50 bill. I went to make change, but he said, “Keep it.”

The phone rang again, and I had another client, a guy named Nelson. I had him come over, Seeing him, I figured this might be a particularly nice session. The guy was good to look at. He was short-haired, fairly tall, thin, and very fit. I figured him for some sort of athlete or at least a gym rat.

But something was off. I can’t quite explain it. He didn’t seem as friendly as the others. His sentences were short and clipped. He asked me to explain the procedure in its entirety. I complied. Then I asked him whether he was ready to get started, and let him know that if for any reason he didn’t want to proceed, it would be OK.

He was reluctant to pull down his pants. I figured he was just shy or something and thought maybe I’d just have to talk with him a while so he could relax enough to be comfortable naked in front of me.

He then asked me whether I’d pull down my pants. As I had practiced in my mind, just in case anything of this sort of thing came up, like if a policeman or something wanted to check out my service, I told him, no, this was just a lesson for him.

Suddenly, he smiled so big it was almost a laugh. I didn’t understand. He then explained:

“You passed the test. I’m an undercover officer. There’s nothing to be afraid of. You are, in my opinion, and I’m sure under the law too, doing nothing illegal.”

Whew! I can’t tell you what a relief that was. In the back of my mind, the thought of being busted for something hadn’t quite gone away.

So Nelson left, but then for the next two days, nothing.

Finally, the phone rang. “Hey, I’m a friend of Nelson. He told me about your service, and I’d like to get me some of that.”

I invited this new guy over, and he jerked off in front of me, having a delightful time in the process. I got my $40.

Later that same day, I got another phone call, and sure enough, it was an other friend of Nelson. When he arrived, and before he disrobed, he explained that he was also a detective, but wasn’t here on business, and assured me he was in total alignment with what I was doing. I talked him through a session, and it went great.

To cut a long story short, I had more than 40 clients over the very next month, Most were friends of Nelson, or friends of his friends. Within a year, my business grew to a full clientele, and I continued to learn a lot about my very specialized business.

For instance, on day, an older guy named Andy came by. He was in his mid-sixties, exceedingly friendly, totally fit, and rather good-looking with striking white hair and a matching, neatly trimmed white beard. He kind of reminded me of the Kentucky Fried Chicken guy, Colonel Sanders. I started in on him, and found his whole self surprisingly attractive for a guy more than three times my age. It felt reassuring to know that guys can still be like that at that age, because that’s what I hope to be like someday.

We started in on his session, and I really felt I would have liked getting naked along with him, and jerking him off, or maybe have him jerk me off, or maybe even a blowjob or something.

I got the sense he was playing along with me, as many of my clients did. They already knew this advanced masturbation stuff, but I think they just enjoyed the company, and maybe having a guy watch them jerk off. I think too, that they liked the weirdness of it. I mean, how often does a guy get masturbation lessons?

After a while, Andy offered to teach me some new things. For a second, my professional pride was hurt. Like I’m supposed to be the expert here. But Andy was disarming, and I thought about it logically: Yes, if there’s more to be learned, then I certainly ought to find out.

So we talked a bit after his session. I offered him some tea and some crackers, and we sat around my mom’s kitchen table talking some more. I had an hour before the next client, and I was really enjoying my conversation with Andy. He invited himself over to see me during my next opening, which was two days away, and teach me some things.

He wanted to do it for no charge, although I gladly would have paid him something. I mean, if he actually had anything useful, it would make me a lot more money!

I was already way beyond my dreams, making over $4,000 per month, got my mom’s mortgage caught up, we were eating better, and had a few new things, but I could always use more. Maybe Mom could even retire!

During the next two days, and especially during various clients’ sessions, I though a lot about Andy. First, there was something so likeable about the guy. He even smelled nice. But what could he possibly teach me?

Finally, he arrived, and I had a two-hour block for him. As soon as he was in the door, he threw off all his clothes, but then he did something unexpected. He told me to take mine off also. I started to object. I mean, this has always been a one-way business. But he said this wasn’t business as usual. He wasn’t a client. He was the teacher this time, and the lesson required that I be naked. Surprisingly, I was uncomfortable with taking off my clothes, but what could I say? I was also secretly delighted.

In all that time, with all those clients, all I ever did was jerk myself off. Never did I even touch another guy. The last times where when I massaged James and Clint with their happy endings.

At first hesitantly, because it was a bit weird, and then quickly finishing, I took everything off. It was easy to do, because I kept the house warmer than usual for my clients, so they’d be more inclined to get naked. Anyway, there I was, already erect in front of old Andy. I was simultaneously embarrassed, and yet proud of my erection.

He had me lay down on the table and the very first thing he did was a surprise. I figured he’d grab my dick and do, well, something. Instead, he reached forward with just one fingertip, and ever so lightly touched my frenulum, the little fold on the underside of my penis near the head.

My penis jumped nearly an inch. It felt very, very nice. I had never experienced anything like that. After a few seconds, he did it again, and it felt just as great as the first time. He did it several more times and it was excellent every time. He kept doing it for several minutes, and although it wasn’t orgasmic, it was absolutely delightful.

Then he did another weird thing. He grabbed my frenulum between his thumb and the side of his first finger, and lifted my penis up by it. Now that, almost instantly, felt orgasmic. Oh, I didn’t cum, and wasn’t even close. But, he kept pulling, and then shaking my penis a bit, still pinching the frenulum. If he kept it up, I would cum.

Andy was an artist. He knew exactly when to quit and move on to the next technique. He asked whether I liked intensity. At that point, I was up, literally, for anything.

He put some of my massage oil on the palm of his right hand, and grabbed the shaft of my penis with his left hand. Then he lightly rubbed his right palm over the tip of my penis. Now, I had instructed my clients to do this many times, and it seemed to make them flinch, although delightfully. But I had never had it done to me.

It was the most ungodly feeling! Kind of a tickle, but no, something almost torturous, but not that either. It was very hard to take, yet I loved it. He kept rubbing, and I was squirming all over the place. He told me to pretend I was tied down and couldn’t get away. He kept rubbing his palm over my glans, and I kept squirming and something more. I discovered that I was kind of shivering or maybe you’d call it jittering. That sensation has no equivalent. If you haven’t experienced it, you’ll have to give it a try. The only problem is, you can’t do it to yourself. You won’t stand for it. You need someone, and it doesn’t matter who – could be a man or a woman – to do it to you.

In time, it transmuted into something less difficult to accommodate. I settled down, and noticed that it had changed into a sort of ‘gotta-pee’ feeling combined with a ‘gonna-cum’ feeling. Yet, neither happened. I would have loved to have that happen all day, but Andy explained that even with the massage oil, it would eventually irritate the skin of my glans.

So far, all of these techniques were magnificent, but I couldn’t use them with my clients, because they are about one person ‘doing’ another. However, I was having thoughts about expanding my business for some of my better clients into mutual sessions of some sort.

Andy’s next trick was something I could indeed use on my clients. He had me masturbate myself just to the point where I feel the orgasmic feeling coming on, then stop. I did this a few times and it was nice, but also frustrating because my body really wanted me to cum.

Then, he wanted me to keep going when I started feeling like I’d be ejaculating momentarily, but greatly reduce the stimulation. But only for a second or two until the feeling started to subside just a little bit, then resume full stimulation. He explained that it is possible to stay in orgasm, without ejaculating, all day long, if one wishes, with practice.

On that first occasion, it almost worked for me. I was in that pre-orgalmic state for perhaps an entire minute. I felt new sensations I had never felt before. One was a sort of horniness deep in my lower stomach. It was almost frustrating like the previous sensation. I really wanted to cum, but it wasn’t quite the same. It was remarkably satisfying. Because for that minute, I didn’t cum, but I was orgasming, and it was OK. I also felt a delicious momentary stinging in my urethra. A moment later, I was having actual dry orgasms. I felt some contractions, but nothing came out. This was truly amazing, and something I never expected was possible.

Oops, I slipped over the edge and ejaculated. Andy cheered me, and told me with practice, I’ll be able to stay right in the middle of an orgasm for minutes at a time. He also told me about some variations in which I can have mini-ejaculations, in which I cum just a drop or two at a time, but can stay hard and in the mood, doing it over and over, for hours, if so desired.

Once I went over the edge, I felt it would be nice to reciprocate, and he must have figured I would, since he had been naked also. So, I got him on the table. His penis was already hard, about 5 inches long, kind of thin, circumcised, and sticking straight up. Like me, he shaves all the hair from that area. His chest was covered in a blanket of thick white curls.

Andy wanted the glans – head of penis – rubbing thing, and I gave it to him big-time. He squirmed just like I did, plus he yelled and laughed. Then, he wanted me to massage his balls. I was afraid to do it as firm as he wanted, but he kept telling me to squeeze harder.

The trick, he taught me, is to avoid squeezing the area on the rear of the testicles near the top where the spermatic cords attach, which he called the ‘epididimis.’ That’s a sensitive area, and probably fragile too. But whereas the testicles register pain with the slightest impact, they can take a rather tremendous squeezing force anywhere except the attachment area.

He let me know that he’d say something if I squeezed too hard. Still, I wasn’t squeezing as hard as he wanted. He told me that balls aren’t like grapes. They’re more like raw chicken gizzards. They have a thick rubbery covering that won’t burst or anything like that.

I found his pain threshold, and it was really high. He explained a man will feel extreme pain well before any damage can be inflicted. It’s hitting balls that hurts, not squeezing, unless it is very intense. He also let me know he’s not necessarily typical. Some men don’t like their balls squeezed at all.

Finding the amount of pressure just short of where it hurt him, I continued to squeeze both balls simultaneously, one between the thumb and first two fingers of each hand. Sometimes, they’d suddenly slip to another position in his scrotum, which made him jump, but he said he particularly liked that effect. Suddenly, his penis started spurting cum, even though I hadn’t been touching it. He was very happy indeed.

Andy and I hit it off, and started seeing each other regularly, generally after all my clients in the evenings. We’d practice our techniques on each other, right there on the massage table in the living room. Sometimes my mom came home in the middle of our activities, but she was fine with it, just ignoring us, and going into the kitchen or wherever she was headed.

She seemed to like Andy, but who wouldn’t? We found out he was a former golf pro who had been frugal with his money in his mid-twenties to mid-forties, and has been living off his investments ever since.

One Saturday I came home from some errands, evidently sooner than Andy and my mom had expected. There, on the massage table, was my mother, getting a treatment from Andy, and in the throes of ecstasy. He had two fingers in her vagina, and his index finger from his other hand was in her butt, and she was bucking and screaming like a wild horse. She’s not at all overweight, but her large breasts were flopping around like crazy. I was surprised, and momentarily shocked, to see that she had no crotch hair. Heck, truth be told, I was absolutely shocked to see my own mother, naked, and having a wonderful sexual time.

I thought under the circumstances, the thing to do would be to instantly let them know that I had no problem with what was going on, so I smiled, and said, “Don’t let me stop you.” They didn’t.

That started happening more and more often. And why not? She’s only about ten years younger than Andy.

What you may find more shocking is what happened with Andy and I. Our sessions became more. Much more. It started with the time he was doing something to me, and I suddenly pulled him toward me and kissed him. As soon as I did that, I knew I had crossed a line. He didn’t back away. More than that, he kissed me back, turning in to Frenching. I was delighted!

In one session, he added another technique. He took his index finger, and rubbed it around my anus a bit, just like I had done a year ago to James. But then he lubbed it with massage oil and very slowly slipped it in my ass, right there in front of my mother who had been enjoying seeing her son have so much fun. I was rather proud of her seeing my erection, and the man, the sexual being, I had become.

At first his finger didn’t feel right. It felt kind of achy, but only for a moment. Suddenly, it felt great, and I wanted him to jam it all the way in. But he took a long time putting it in, kind of twisting back and forth a bit as he gently pushed. Finally, it was all the way in, and I couldn’t have been happier. But there was more coming: Next, he curled his finger forward, found my prostate, and massaged it. I felt a bit like I had to pee, but something much nicer.

After a minute, he pulled his finger out – very slowly. I could have sworn his finger was a foot long. Then he put two fingers in. It kind of stung, so he quit for that session. He told me there’d be more of that, but didn’t give any details.

In other sessions, we started sucking each others dicks and that became so common that we enjoyed it almost daily. Sometimes we cum in each others mouths, which was nice, and his cum tasted nice, but we usually saved our ejaculations for all our masturbation-like activities. A couple of times, my mom sucked Andy right in front of me. You’d think that would be disgusting, but no, it was hot! I kept hoping she might volunteer to suck me, but that never happened.

In the next few weeks, Andy and I did the anal finger thing to each other. One day, he handed me a condom in a packet and told me to fuck him, much as I had seen him and my mother do on the massage table a few times. Of course, he meant fuck him in the ass, however. I didn’t hesitate at all. I got right on that job. My super-hard cock went right in. It was probably a more sudden thrust than Andy might have wanted, but to his credit, he seemed to enjoy my dick in his ass completely. It was the first time I had ever butt-fucked anyone, and I must say it was way, way better than when I fucked Michelle in the pussy. An ass is much tighter, and well, I have to say, more enjoyable. Especially Andy’s ass.

In that session, he managed to get three fingers in my ass. I really wanted more, I craved more, but he said that we’d do that another time.

The next session, we went all the way. He put on a condom, put me on the table on all fours, and fucked me. That in itself would have been sufficient to be a cherished memory for the rest of my life, but something else happened too. My mom sauntered over, reached under me, and as casually as if she was making a salad, she pulled on my penis a few times while he was in me. He came and I came at the same time.

It didn’t take long for Andy and my mom to get married. They moved out of the funky little house, and into his big house in the suburbs. Meanwhile, I bought a home and rented an office in town, and my business continues to grow. I still teach advanced massage to beginners, but offer a fuller range of services to the established clients. Oh, and I charge a lot more than $40 per session these days!

My mom is happy to share Andy with me, and often all three of us play together. However, another client came into the picture. His name is Ralph and he is just a year older than me. He started out like any other client, but things soon progressed. He especially appreciates rebels like me. No, he especially appreciates only one rebel, me. He loves me. And I love him to death. And he and I live in my fancy new house, and we practice all sorts of techniques on each other.

One of us is supposed to be a bottom and the other a top. But we’ve never figured out which one is which. We just play every which way.

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Naked Dorm Living

by Jeremy J. Watson

In high school, I learned some programming and had fun writing simple computer games. So I thought studying software design in college would be a good idea. I was accepted to a small university in Southern Oregon, 200 miles from home.

Money was going to be tight, but I had a tiny scholarship, a few thousand dollars from my parents, and a student loan. I’d be alright.

I was a bit concerned about living away from home, but that was trumped by excitement. I had no idea what it would be like, other than that I wouldn’t have parents telling me to go to bed at 10pm, or that I should eat more vegetables.

I didn’t have any experience with sex yet, so I was very much looking forward to that, also. I mean, it’s in college where guys and girls typically ‘do it’ for the first time, right?

On the other hand, I had a lot of experience with masturbating. I can say that, can’t I? Probably my biggest concern about going away to college was actually about jerking off. At home, I could do it in my room with the door locked, and had as much time as I needed. My parents probably thought I was studying all the time. I certainly hope that’s what they thought.

My concern is that with a college roommate, I wouldn’t have the privacy I’d need. Because a guy’s got to do what a guy’s got to do.

The day arrived. I said goodbye to my parents and my sister, and got on the train. In the late afternoon, I arrived at the Amtrak station, and figured out how to take a bus from the center of town to the campus. I got in line to get my room assignment and key. The line was long and a bit frustrating, but I was excited to see my dorm room.

It took forever to find the right building, then the right hallway, but finally, around 6pm, I slipped the card through the slot, and the door opened.

It was a room alright, but I barely noticed. Because, standing at a piano keyboard against the far wall, wearing headphones, was my new roommate. The thing was, other than the headphones, he was wearing absolutely nothing.

It took him a moment to notice I had entered. You’d think he would have jumped, or made a move to cover up, but no, he just slowly turned around, took off the headphones and broke out with a great big smile. Then, stepping toward me with his hand outstretched, he said “I’m Jake Landis.”

Shocked, and not knowing any other way to react, I shook his hand and introduced myself. “Jeremy J. Watson. People call me ‘JJ.’ Pleased to meet you.” My voice trailed off in uncertainly on that last bit.

Trying not to sound too disappointed or weirded out, I asked, “So, you’re my roommate?” Meanwhile, I was thinking there must be an explanation.

“Absolutely,dude, as long as you belong in room 433.”

I had to know, so I just came out and asked. “Why are you naked, Jake?”

“Why not, JJ?”

“Well, because…” I couldn’t actually come up with a good reason. I was still trying to understand the situation. After gym class, I’d see guys naked in the showers. But, I had never seen my mom, dad or sister naked. Nor anyone else.

And here was this guy, acting like it was perfectly normal. I found myself staring, and quickly looked away. But not before noticing that he was pretty good-looking. He was tall, light-skinned, had what you might call dirty-blond, fairly-long hair, a neatly trimmed beard, sparkly blue eyes, a fetching smile, and a remarkably square jaw. He was standing tall, and looked quite confidant. I wished I looked like that, and felt like that.

I also noticed his private area. He had removed all the hair. I had always been self-conscious about that. I shave my balls a bit, keeping the rest of the hair in that region short. I do it because it makes me feel cleaner, but somehow wouldn’t want to reveal that I shave there to anyone.

Ignoring the direction of the conversation, Jake asked, “What are you in for?”

“Huh?”

“What are you going to study?”

“Oh,” I answered. “Computer programming.”

“I’m in the music program. I’m a floutist.” Seeing my quizzical look, he added, “I play the flute.”

“Sounds like a tough way to make a living,” I said, without thinking. My mind was still on ‘Why is this guy nude?’

“I’ve got some good ideas. Not quite like Jethro Tull or Tim Weisberg, but I have a feeling I’ll make a name for the flute. It’s not your typical rock ‘n’ roll instrument, and that’s one reason I like it. I guess I’m a bit of a rebel.”

I didn’t know who those people he mentioned were, but I could certainly tell he was a rebel.

He went on. “I have a backup plan, too. I also play piano, and would be just about as happy teaching an instrument, as playing. Music teachers can make a lot of money.”

“Cool.” I couldn’t think of what else to say.

“Hey, feel free to join me.”

I didn’t understand and it must have shown on my face.

“Dude, you don’t need to wear clothes in here if you don’t want to.”

“Um, that’s OK.”

“Suit yourself,” Jake replied.

I was sufficiently weirded out by this guy that I thought of going back to the registration office and asking for another room.

The problem was I was hungry. I was on the meal plan, and wanted to find the cafeteria. That trumped going to the registration office. Besides, it would be a big line down there. I could always get a different room tomorrow.

“Well, good to meet you Jake. I’m headed to the cafeteria.”

“JJ, hang on, I’ll join you.”

That concerned me greatly. First of all, was he planning to go there naked? If so, I didn’t want to know this guy. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know him anyway. Just as I was thinking up a way to politely decline, he grabbed some shorts and a T-shirt off his bed and started putting them on. What could I say?

“Sure, let’s go.”

On the short walk, I thought he was going to carry on about music, but he did something I didn’t expect. He started asking me questions about my computer interest. He wanted to know about the games I created. I had to admit they were nothing much, but felt surprisingly honored that he wanted to know.

Along the way, he said “Hi” to everyone we passed, and smiling at them. He seemed to draw them out of their shells, as they said “Hi” back and smiled in return. The women, in particular, had big smiles for him. By extension, just by walking next to Jake, they seemed to smile at me as well in a way that made me feel bigger than I am.

As it turns out, I’m not that big. It’s due to my Thai background. When I was in my adolescence and started to grow I was very happy, but when I topped out around sixteen at 5’4″, I kept hoping for more, and never got it.

We arrived at the cafeteria in the nick of time. It was closing so there wasn’t much food left. But Jake and I weren’t picky. We were just hungry. We talked as we ate, and the funny thing was that now he had clothes on, he normalized in my mind. I actually found him likable.

Once we returned to our room, he took off his sandals, T-shirt and shorts again. I almost forgot that he might do that, and I went from liking him, to not so sure. This naked business was just too weird.

At the same time, I kind of liked what I saw. I always thought I was one hundred percent into girls, but Jake was rather decent looking. I felt a kind of tightening in my balls. Pretty soon, as Jake and I were idly chatting about school, trying to guess what it would be like, I was starting to think I’d like to go jerk off somewhere. I excused myself and went down the hall to the bathroom. Unfortunately, there were several guys in there, and so wanking was out of the question. This would be the first time in a long while that I’d have to go to sleep without jerking off. Oh, I had done it when I wasn’t horny, but damn it! I was horny. I don’t know if it was seeing Jake that did that to me, or just the concept of nakedness.

Returning to the room, I found Jake playing his electric piano. It was set up against the back wall, so all I saw was his back and his butt. Probably because I was already horny, I found myself appreciating what I saw. I couldn’t quite hear what he was playing. I heard the keys ticking very slightly as he pressed them, and felt the vibration from one of his feet tapping the floor while the other was pressing a pedal off and on. I also heard just the slightest squeaking coming from his headphones. It seemed like some sort of bluegrass.

I don’t think he heard me come in, because after a minute, he quit playing music, and instead started playing with his penis. Or, at least that’s what it looked like, since he was facing away from me.

Suddenly, he noticed I was standing there. He turned around with a smile and said “Hi.” The thing was, his penis was erect!

I was wondering whether I should leave the room, or say “Excuse me,” or maybe be mad at him, or something. I really didn’t know how to react. It was his smile that disarmed me. Trying to sound cool, I simply said, “Having a little wank?”

He said, “Yup.” He could have said anything else and I would have been less surprised.

At that point, he took off his headphones, hit the power button on the piano, then sat down sideways on his bed, with one hand holding his rather large penis. Then, he started fondling his balls with his other hand. In a moment, he was stroking his penis up and down.

Meanwhile, I was just standing next to the door, dumbfounded. He broke me out of my hypnosis by saying, “Join me?”

Wow, how does a guy respond to that? I know now, what I should have done, but what I did at the time was just plain stupid.

“Oh, you go ahead. I’m going to go on a walk.”

“Suit yourself,” he answered, and went right on stroking.

I didn’t really want to leave. I wanted to stay and watch. And, truth be told, I wanted to wank right along with him. But I was to, well, shy, I guess, so having left myself no option, I went back out of the room, and walked aimlessly around the campus for fifteen minutes. Several other students said “Hi” to me on my walk, but my head was so full of this Jake situation, I barely nodded to them.

When I returned to the room, Jake wasn’t there. He arrived about two minutes later, without a stitch of clothing. I realized, he had been walking in the hall that way! I guess he figured it’s OK to go to the bathroom totally naked. Maybe it was. This was a male dorm, after all. But there’s no way in hell I would, or could, do that. Actually, there’s a part of me that would like to have been so bold. Especially at this moment. I hadn’t jerked off yet, and was both horny and annoyed.

It was getting late, so I climbed into my bed, said “G’nite” to Jake, and turned out my little reading light. Jake got into his bed, still naked, and turned out his light.

It took me approximately forever to get to sleep that night. I thought about wanking under the covers, but Jake would probably know what I was doing. In the morning, I woke up frustrated and sleepy.

I was hoping to wank in the bathroom, but again, there were guys coming and going. That was out of the question. Maybe I could have shut myself in a stall, but I think they’d know what I was doing.

Jake was still asleep when I returned from peeing, brushing my teeth and all that, so I went to breakfast hoping that the coffee was good and strong. This was one of those cafeterias that are focusing on good food, so I was happy to find bananas, whole grain pancakes, berries, and of course fairly good coffee.

My first ever class was scheduled for 9am, more than an hour away, and Jake had already left, so back in the room, I pulled off my shorts and gave myself a good rubbing resulting in a nice orgasm. Oddly, it wasn’t thoughts of girls that came to my mind, but goofy naked Jake. That kind of worried me.

Literally, less than a minute after I had finished, threw away the Kleenex, and pulled my shorts back on, Jake came banging through the door. Close call! I made a note that he will just come in, not knock first.

“Have a good wank?” he asked.

I’m sure my cheeks turned red. “What makes you think that?”

“I can smell it, you know, the chlorine-like smell.”

“Well, um…”

“Dude, I’m your roommate. We’re going to be together for two years or more. OK, look, everyone masturbates. Please don’t let me stop you, just like you didn’t stop me yesterday.”

“Hey Jake, if I can ask, what’s with you? You seem hell-bent on nakedness and, well, everything.”

“Maybe not everything,” he laughed. “I’ve never thought it out fully. I’m kind of a rebel, so I’m naturally attracted to anything that’s different. But more than that, I feel that our society needs some shaking up. One of the biggest concerns is the sexual attitudes, especially in this country.

“Us Americans are so up-tight. So conservative about sexual matters, and it has a detrimental effect. How many guys, and girls too, for that matter, make off-color jokes at the wrong times, try to get with people who aren’t good company just for the sex, and generally make fools out of themselves because they’re horny and don’t have proper outlets? How many people engage in risky sex just to get satisfaction?

“Now, imagine a world, in which everyone is allowed to be sexually satisfied. Imagine being able to jerk off at a bus stop, if you wanted, and everyone would be OK with it. What might happen? You’d be sexually satisfied, right? And so would everyone else in such a society.

“On the same token, take nudity. You’re a guy, so you know: You see a pretty girl in a bikini, or naked, and you go nuts. It shouldn’t be like that. You should be able to see a naked girl, or guy, and it should just be normal. Just like it is normal to see people’s faces. Once everyone is normalized in those ways, there’d be no more rape, no more bad marriages, and a lot more love in the world.

“I have a theory that even international warfare would end, although I haven’t quite made the mental leap as to exactly why that would happen. But I’ll bet it would.

“There, lecture over. But you asked!” He flashed a big smile at the end.

It took me a while to absorb even the beginning thoughts that provoked, so after several seconds, I simply said, “Wow, Jake, you gave me a lot to think about! I’m starting to appreciate you more.”

I hope he took that last bit as a compliment, and judging by his smile, he did.

“Thank you, JJ. We’re going to be great roomies.”

During the first few days of school, I was feeling great about almost everything. The classes were not only going to be interesting, but the professors seemed like they’d be fun. I met a small girl named Junie in the cafeteria. She looked like she might possibly be Thai. She turned out to be Filipino, which is fine with me. We talked a bit, and exchanged phone numbers. We’ve texted back and forth a few times about just random things. She was in her second year of studying nursing.

I really thought about what Jake had said, and even talked with him more about his whole concept. I feel I am in full agreement, if only theoretically. I’m not quite ready to take my clothes off and wank in front of the whole world. And, to be fair, Jake doesn’t do that. He’s just more of a nudist than I am.

I had been fully intending to pull off my pants and jerk off in the room while he was in there, if for no other reason, than to offer him some solidarity. But every time an opportunity came along, I chickened out. I mean, it just seemed too weird. On the other hand, I wished I was bold enough. The concept is really cool. To be free enough to jerk off in front of another guy. But I wasn’t able to actually do it.

It was like that when my dad was teaching me to drive. For a month, he kept telling me to get on the freeway. I wanted to, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I wanted to invite Junie to my room but because of the Jake thing, I felt I probably shouldn’t. I had been to her room and met her roommate, Chirelle, who seemed like a nice girl. Junie met at the pizza place a couple of times.

About two weeks in, I got a text from Junie, “Why don’t you invite me over?”

“Can’t.”

“Why not?”

“My roommie.”

“What’s wrong with your roomie, a religion freak or something?”

“No, a nudist.”

I hadn’t ment to say that. I just texted it without thinking about the consequences.

“Really?!!!”

“Are you a nudist, too?”

The trouble with text is you can’t figure out what’s underneath. I mean, was she shocked? Intrigued? Was she a nudist? Did she hope I was, or wasn’t?

“No, not yet, anyway.”

“Well, if I came over, would he keep his clothes on?”

“Dunno.”

“And if he didn’t, would that be so bad?”

“I suppose if you could handle it,” I texted back, getting in the swing of the conversation.

“I wanna meet him.”

“OK, I’ll ask him.”

About an hour later, Jake came home, throwing all his clothes on the bed as usual, then tromping down the hall to the bathroom. I noticed that none of the guys on the floor had said anything about that. If they were shocked, they kept it to themselves. I didn’t see anyone else walking nude in the hallway. It occurred to me that during daylight hours, there were also occasional women in the dorm on our floor. Oh, well, that was Jake’s business.

When he returned, I asked, “Hey Jake, this girl I met wants to hang out here sometimes. Are you cool with that?”

“Sure,” he said, and then kiddingly, “I’d like to see what kind of girl would put up with you.”

“Thanks, Buddy,” I said sarcastically.

I knew he was going to be home at 3pm, the next afternoon, and both Junie and I were free at that time, so I texted her the room number, and said come on over. I was really curious to see what would happen. I imagined all sorts of scenarios, most quite wicked, like him being naked, she deciding to get naked also, and the three of us having some sort of orgy. Or, on the opposite extreme, he would get naked, she’d freak out, and run out of the room.

I found myself actually quite nervous at 3pm. I had brought a bottle of sparkling apple juice and there glasses. Jake was already there, naked.

‘Oh boy!’ I thought, ‘let the games begin.’

A moment later, there was a knock at the door. As I stood to open it, Jake grabbed his shorts and T-shirt and in two or three seconds, he was dressed.

Junie came in, and I introduced them. I didn’t have to, they knew each other. After a few minutes of excited conversation, I found out that they had crossed paths on the campus a few times, and had spoken only enough to know each others names. In my mind, I had somehow jumped to the conclusion that they knew each other very well, if you know what I mean.

I poured the juice, and we toasted, and drank. We talked about school, what we’re each studying and so on. Jake was curious about nursing, and Junie was happy to tell what nursing school is like. No, they hadn’t worked with real humans yet, but it was starting this very semester.

“So, JJ tells me you’re a nudist.”

I almost gagged on my cider.

“Yes, I like being clothes-free, and have a lot to say about that, for those who find it interesting.”

“Really?” She inquired. “Yes, do tell.”

He rolled out the whole theory about how people should become normalized about nudity, masturbation and sex, and how we’d all have a better society from it. He added more details than I had heard before, and I found the whole thing interesting, finding myself agreeing with it, even if I hadn’t actually done any of it. Well, I masturbated, but certainly not in front of anyone.

In fact, the whole time in school so far, I had been wanting to jerk off openly in front of Jake every single evening. And yet, the harder I tried to make it happen, the more I slipped away. It was getting to the point of ridiculous. I really wanted to do it, and yet I wouldn’t do it.

“Gosh Jake, I like your whole… well, the whole idea sounds pretty good,” Junie responded.

Jake left for a four o’clock rehearsal. Junie and I hung out a while talking about Jake and his philosophy.

“You know, I think he’s on to something,” she said.

I agreed.

She had a 5pm study group. On her way out, she gave me a little peck on the cheek. I was stunned and delighted.

With the room empty, I wanked again. That had been my habit. On the rare occasions when I could have some privacy, I tried to make up for the times when I didn’t.

A couple of days later, Jake asked me whether he could have someone over. I didn’t think anything about it, and said “Sure.”

The next day, I had forgotten about it, and came barging in after an early afternoon class. Hearing music should have been a clue, but I thought Jake was just playing his iPhone tunes through his Bluetooth speaker.

I was stunned to see Jake sitting on his bed playing his flute, and a girl sitting on my bed playing guitar. As usual, he was naked. But, so was she! She was a gorgeous, rounded, freckled red-head. Seeing her like that, even though the guitar covered her vagina, sent immediate shivers of sexuality through my body.

They hung out for another fifteen minutes or so. Their music was really nice. Kind of a lively, lilting hillbilly thing. They told me they were “Irish pub songs.” I tried to focus on my studies at my desk, with my back mostly turned to the two of them. I was trying to make excuses to turn around from time to time, because I just wanted to breath in the sight of her. After a few minutes, I figured it was just fine to turn around, and appreciate their music. It seemed that they were perfectly fine with them being naked, and me being clothed. They were happy to have me as an audience.

He kissed her passionately when she put on her clothes and left.

“That’s Patty,” is all he said.

Junie came over again, I thought Jake was going to be out, but he was there, fully clothed for a change, when she came over. I was happy to have both of them for company. That is, until Jake pulled something that immediately scared the bejeepers out of me.

He suggested we play strip poker. I figured Junie would politely decline, as I had intended to do, but to my surprise, she said, “Cool!”

What the fuck was I supposed to do? Now, I couldn’t very well decline. Yet, I was so completely out of my comfort zone. I hadn’t even been naked once in front of Jake. I changed under the covers or when he wasn’t around.

The funny thing is if he hadn’t been such a gonzo nudist, I probably would have been fine changing in front of him. It’s just that the more time that passed, the worse I became. I was starting to realize I was a genuine, stupid, stuck-in-the-mud prude.

OK, so maybe it was time to get naked in front of Jake. But in front of Junie, too? She and I were still way too distant. All we did was a bit of hugging, and only while standing, at that.

But what could I say? How could I decline, and not come off as an out-of-touch idiot? I really didn’t want to seem that way in front of Junie.

I realized that she was becoming really important to me, but our relationship was still fragile. If I acted like a fool, like a weakling prude, or whatever, she’d probably find someone more to her liking. I had been trying to be more gregarious around her, because Junie was really quite out-going.

It turned out that I didn’t really get a chance to answer. While I was still trying to think of what to say, they both just assumed I’d be on board with it.

He rummaged around in his desk and found a deck of cards.

The two of them started assessing clothing. It seems because I was wearing a T-shirt, shorts with a belt, and shoes and socks, I had three too many items. They told me to loose the shoes and the belt. Then we were even. So far, I handled that without freaking out.

They decided strip poker would be too slow. Instead, we were just going to draw cards and whoever got the lowest card each time, would have to take something off.

I was the first to lose something. Feeling just a bit shaky, I took off a sock.

Junie was next, losing a sandal.

She lost again, and removed her other sandal.

Jake lost one sandal.

I lost my other sock. So now, I was barefoot. No big deal. Still, I felt strangely weak.

Junie lost the next round. Getting up from my office chair, she took off her T-shirt and sat back down. She hadn’t been wearing a bra.

Boy, did I like what I saw! Oh, I’d seen naked women on the Internet, but never really paid much attention. I masturbated to them a few times, but here was a real, live, beautiful girl in my presence and I was looking at her boobs! And it was not just any girl, it was Junie. And she was beautiful. Her breasts weren’t particularly large. They didn’t hang down like some of the pictures I had seen. They were just light brown half-domes on her chest topped by pointy dark brown nipples. I had an instinctual desire to touch them, but of course I didn’t.

I can’t imagine what she was thinking at that point, but she was acting as if it was business as usual. Just hanging out with some friends.

The next loser was me. I took off my shirt, feeling a bit self-conscious. That’s pretty goofy when you think about it. Here was this beautiful topless girl five feet away from me, and I was worried about her seeing me without a shirt. Come to think of it, Jake was seeing me without a shirt as well.

Junie was having a positive effect on me, despite my nervousness. I could feel my penis growing in my pants. In shock, I realized that when we were all naked, I’d have an erection if I wasn’t careful. I started willing very hard for it to go down.

We played the next hand, and I was the loser again. I was horrified. They’d probably see at least the outline of my penis through my briefs. But what could I do? Remembering a Robert Frost quote, “The only way out is through,” I stood up to take off my shorts. My knees were surprisingly weak. I was actually shaking a bit. This was not good.

I was in a trap, so I did what I had to do, I pulled off my shorts. Looking down at myself, I could see that the outline of my penis was indeed visible, and it was pretty obviously hard, laying in there at a 45 degree angle.

I was glad no one said anything. I probably would have become permanently insane if either of them had pointed to my underwear and said, “JJ has a boner,” or anything of that sort.

Jake lost the next hand, and pulled off his T-shirt.

To my absolute horror, I lost the next round. My face turned all red, and I couldn’t trust my voice. My knees were literally shaking. I was hoping that Junie and Jake didn’t notice that.

I wanted to hesitate. I wanted to run out of the room. I wanted to tell them they were both stupid, or worse. Of course I couldn’t do any of that. “The only way out is through.” So, I did what I had to do. I pulled off my underwear, carefully lifting it over my fully hard penis.

One of the most embarrassing parts was how I had been shaving my balls. I didn’t want them to think I was some sort of weirdo.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but Junie was the first to comment. “Beautiful!” is what she said.

Right afterward, Jake said, “Dude, you’re a good-looking guy. I like that woodie of yours.”

I sat back down on my bed, quietly saying, “Thank you,” because I had no clue as to how to act in that moment. Fortunately, the two of them went on as if we did this sort of thing every day.

Jake lost the next hand, and just pulled off his shorts and underwear together. He, too, was hard.

I started to feel better, less freaked out, now that he was naked too. It helped considerably that I wasn’t the only guy with an erection.

Junie could have played another hand, but instead, she just took off her shorts in a single swoop. She didn’t have any underwear. She had no hair on her crotch. She was absolutely beautiful. I don’t know what I was expecting, but as she was standing there, her vagina was really just a one or two-inch slot between her legs. One might think that wouldn’t be much to look at, but I was hypnotized.

I think girls are used to modeling clothes. They naturally like to turn around, and that’s what she did for us. As she turned, I noticed her naked ass for the first time, and was instantly transported. I just loved that light brown, smooth, small butt of hers. I wanted to come right over and hug her, but I was too shy.

I was wondering what was going to happen next. Would we just hang out naked and talk? Maybe Jake would play us some music? Maybe we were done, would put on our clothes, and Junie would head back to her dorm.

Jake had the answer. I glanced at him sitting on his bed and saw that he was masturbating. Oh my god! As if the day wasn’t weird enough already!

I watched Junie stare at him for a moment, and then she had a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look. She held that for just a moment, and then I think she got it. She understood his whole message.

She started by licking her fingertips, and then she appeared to gently squeeze her nipples between the thumb and first finger of each hand. She leaned back in the chair and quietly said, “Hmmm!”

Jake continued to stroke himself, but lazily, as he watched Junie, with an occasional glance to me.

I just sat there, with my erection sticking straight up, unattended.

After a moment, Junie stood up, walked over to me, then sat down on the bed next to me. I could feel the heat of her body, and I could feel the sexual charge in mine. She turned her head toward me and kissed me right on the mouth. We kept kissing as I tentatively put my arms around her and drew her closer. The way I held her was a bit awkward, but I think neither of us cared. It certainly felt wonderful holding a real, live, naked, beautiful human being in my arms like that.

We continued our kissing, as it turned into French kissing. I felt her tongue gently pry against my lips. I naturally let her in, and soon we were fully kissing.

I couldn’t resist any longer, and figuring it would be alright under the circumstances, I placed my right hand tentatively and lightly on her left boob. I squeezed ever so gently. I had no idea it would feel so beautiful. Soft and firm at the same time.

I hoped she didn’t notice how much I was shaking.

She responded with a very appreciative “Hmmm.”

I felt something warm on my penis. She had wrapped her hand around it. It was more than just warm. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. Suddenly, I felt that feeling you get when you’re going to ejaculate. It came on fast. So fast that I couldn’t even say anything, and bang, I was ejaculating in her hand!

Jake stood up, came over to both of us, kind of stooped down, and put his arms around both of us, who were still locked in our own embrace. “Wonderful!” is all he said.

After a long, three-way embrace, Jake said that it was getting late, but there was one thing that still needed to be done.

I had no idea what he could be talking about.

“Junie hasn’t had an orgasm.”

“Oh, that’s OK, she said.”

“Here,” he said, and with that, he gently separated us, and indicated that Junie should fully recline on my bed with a light push against her upper chest.

Positioning himself over her so that his head was near her vagina, he pursed his lips and gently blew on her. She looked ecstatic. He then started licking her vagina.

I was having an unexpected emotion. I was jealous. Shouldn’t I be the one doing that to her? It only lasted a moment, because I should have know the kind of guy Jake is. He backed away, and gave me a little ‘take over’ motion with his hand.

Awkwardly, I took his place and did my best to lick Junie’s most amazing pussy. It took me a while to work out the details, but got to where my tongue was partly lapping into her slit.

At one point, she whispered, “A little higher JJ.”

I found what I believed was her clit, and focused my licking on that. She started shaking sort of like I was, and started moaning louder and louder. I was becoming worried that the neighbors would hear us and come crashing through the door to find out what was wrong. She started arching her back, and practically yelled, “Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”

I felt her tense all up, and realized she was having an orgasm. I kept licking, and she seemed to have another, smaller orgasm. This was so exciting that my penis started hardening up again, something it never does until at least an hour after I’ve ejaculated.

I continued licking Junie, until she gently pushed my head away. Then, letting instinct take over, she and I cuddled on my bed.

Looking over at Jake, I saw that he was sitting on the edge of his bed, wanking big-time, with his penis as large as I had ever seen it, and a moment later, he was ejaculating strongly.

A half-hour later, after some very pleasant small talk, Junie went home, and Jake left for a concert. I jerked off in privacy, trying to savor every detail in my mind of our afternoon, and having my second orgasm within an hour.

Late that night, I woke when Jake came in and settled in his bed.

He asked, “How are you doing?”

“I’m in heaven!”

“Good.” and with that he went to sleep.

As I’m sure you guessed, over the next few days, Junie and I became much closer. We discussed it, and decided to be officially “boyfriend and girlfriend.”

We had the opportunity to get more sexual, but we decided that both of us being virgins, maybe we should wait a little while. Besides, we had this new masturbating thing, and that could maintain our interest for a very long time all by itself. We were thinking that if we jumped right in and had intercourse, it might kind of weaken our excitement about everything else.

Back at my place, we even discussed it with Jake, and he applauded the decision. It fit right in with his whole theory.

We also played again. Dispensing with the cards, all three of us got naked right away, and we gave each other hand jobs. Because there were two boys and a girl, we decided to be bold, with another part of Jake’s theory falling into place. We decided it would be OK, if while Junie watched, I would give Jake a handjob. Once again, I got all weird, but decided to go through with it.

All at the same time, I was freaked out about touching him, and totally wanted to touch him.

None too artistically, I knelt by the rolling chair he was sitting in, and started stroking his penis.

It was the first time I had ever touched a penis other than my own, and I found it intriguing. It was harder than I remembered mine being, and the skin was looser. Both of us are uncircumcised, but his skin was tighter. Mine easly slides over the tip of my penis and all the way back. His was a bit stiff going over the last bit, and kind of popped back over the tip when I let it go. I found that fascinating. His penis is also a bit longer as well as fatter than mine. I liked that. He said he prefers a smaller penis, and then went on to call mine, “delightful.”

He told me I was doing it well. He’s like that, always complimenting people. In time, he shot his sperm over my hand and his stomach while Junie watched with big eyes.

It was her turn, and Jake said with a twinkle in his eye, that he was going to show me an advanced technique.

He had Junie lay down on the bed, and then hold her legs up, over her head, so her pussy and asshole were totally exposed. She was not only alright with that, she seemed to be enjoying the attention from two guys tremendously.

With his first two fingers, he spread her outer labia, revealing the inner labia inside. Holding her vagina open, he instructed me to grab those inner labia, one in each hand, and pull.

It was difficult getting a grip because she was wet and slippery. I was so intrigued that I started erecting again. She seemed to really like it when I pulled fairly hard, so I pulled harder. You’d think it might hurt, but no, she was loving it.

Then he had me let go, and acting like some sort of coach, he then told me to rub my fingertip very gently over her clit, which was now partially exposed through her inner labia.

She was saying things like, “That’s amazing JJ,” and “Yum, that’s great!”

Now he wanted me to place a finger inside her vagina. When I started to do that, he had me turn myself around on the bed, so it was easy for my hand to face upward, and press my finger inside her and forward. He taught me how to rub her G-spot.

I continued to do that for a while, and he then rubbed his first finger around in the juice that was forming around her vagina, coating it liberally, and then pressed it against her puckered anus. Pretty soon, he was inside hor a good inch, just past his first knuckle.

Noticing her anus, I was expecting it to smell foul. It was quite the opposite. I later learned that the glands in that area secrete something that smells sweet and attractive. I was loving that smell, and seeing her little asshole as well. A guy doesn’t get to see something like that very often. In fact, I had never seen anyone’s asshole in person. Bang! I ejaculated without even touching myself.

I know I made a bit of a mess on the sheets, but I just kept right on going, and soon, she was having a crashing orgasm.

Over the next months, the three of us played in various configurations. Usually it was all three of us, and we did everything imaginable. Sometimes it was just Jake and I. Sometimes we’d jerk each other off, but most of the time, it was him jerking on his bed while I wanked on mine. I had fairly quickly overcome my phobia of jerking off in front of him, of course. The most frequent combination of all was Junie and I.

Jake could have invited Junie to do things with him behind my back. Being the gentleman he is, Jake never invited. I doubt whether she would have accepted.

Junie and I had meant to keep our virginity for a while so there’d be another great frontier to cross when we were ready. It didn’t quite work out as we expected.

One day we had been hugging and kissing in my bed, prior to a good mutual masturbation session. My penis was trapped between our bodies. She reached down and started rubbing it a bit. I shifted slightly, perhaps consciously, maybe unconsciously so the tip was quite near her vagina. She took it a step further, and pressed the tip to her vagina.

At that point, we kind of froze. We both knew that what we were doing was quite on the edge. We both wanted it so badly.

I said, “Are you ready?”

She said, “Oh, so ready!”

I broke our embrace just long enough to reach under my bed and find the condom I had stored there just for this occasion. After tearing open the package like an expert, I had quite a bit of difficulty actually putting it on my penis. Then I figured out that I had it backward. Once I turned it over , it was a simple matter to unroll it.

We resumed our embrace, I scooted down in such a way that she could hold my penis at her opening, and together we maneuvered it in. I took my time, because I had heard that it can hurt virgins.

Pretty soon, I was all the way in, and it hadn’t hurt her a bit.

Unfortunately, I came way too soon, so she didn’t cum that time, but she enjoyed it very much anyway. A few minutes later I licked her to a very good orgasm, and then another and yet another.

Months passed. We continued to work on our technique. My premature ejaculation problem settled down and we managed to have simultaneous orgasms several times.

While all this was happening Jake was hanging out more and more often with Patty, the red-headed Irish guitarist. She was quite likable. On several occasions, the four of us could be found in our dorm room, all naked, joking around and having a good time. Sometimes, but not always, we’d all play together. When there were three or more of us, Jake wanted to keep it masturbatory. That was important to him, to fit into his whole sexual theory paradigm. We were perfectly good with that, because it was so much fun. Oddly, we sometimes had more fun doing non-fuckory things than out and out intercourse.

One day when all four of us were playing, I got talked into giving Jake a prostate massage. Maybe ‘talked into’ isn’t quite the way to put it, because I was all for it.

While he was on the bed on all fours with his ass open and up in the air, I lubed up my finger, and his asshole, and slowly pushed in. Once my finger was all the way in, I pressed forward, and with his direction found his prostate and pushed and pressed it various ways, while he was “Ohhing and Ahhing” in absolute delight.

Patty reached under Jake, and gave him a nice hand job, resulting in him having a spectacular orgasm.

I wanted to experience that, and so Junie stuck her finger in my butt. It was the most amazing feeling! I had no idea! Jake reached under me, and pulled on my dick a few times while Junie was massaging my prostate, and I, too, had a spectacular orgasm.

When she pulled her finger out, she did it very slowly, and I could have sworn that finger of hers was a foot long.

Of course Junie and Patty wanted it too, and so we did the same for them. Junie had already experienced it a little bit, but in this form, on her hands and knees, it was like something entirely new. While I fingered her butt, Patty stuck two fingers in Junie’s vagina and brought her to a quick and fantastic orgasm.

In nursing school Junie had started working on live patients. She had to practice some of her techniques, and occasionally I was her guinea pig. Sometimes even Patty and Jake volunteered to get stuck with saline injections, and have blood samples taken.

One day she came over all excited about something that happened in class. They had another ‘standardized patient.’ These are people who are paid to pretend they are real patients. The student nurses practice taking blood pressure, looking in throats, changing bandages, and so on.

On this particular occasion, they put a urinary catheter in the ‘patient.’ Six nurses, each did the guy in turn. They got the impression he was an experienced standardized patient, because he was quiet and calm when the teacher demonstrated the technique. As she was coating some sort of antiseptic on his genitals, he started to become erect. When she slid the catheter in, he was totally erect. The teacher casually told that class that about thirty percent of male patients become erect during anything from bed baths to scrotal ultrasounds, and that the nurses should just quietly accept the ‘condition’ and let the patients know is is perfectly OK.

By the time the sixth nurse slid a tube into the guy’s dick, he had lost his erection, and was saying it was stinging a bit. But being a trooper, he stayed calm and quiet until the last student was done, although, according to Junie, he was wincing a bit at the end.

The thing is, when she told us about this catheter business, we all became incredibly horny. We wanted to try it. We talked it over, and decided that if we didn’t have it done six times in a row, it might be fine to play with. Junie warned us that we had to be very sterile so as to avoid infections.

A few days later, she came over with a dozen catheters that she somehow managed to get from the nursing program. I was afraid to ask exactly how she got them.

Patty was the first to volunteer. Junie put on the antiseptic fluid, then held open Patty’s labia, and slowly introduced the tube. It was terribly exciting seeing it going into her peehole. We asked if it hurt, and she said it was a tiny sting only, and she was very much enjoying it. Once it was in a couple of inches, she started flinching a bit. Junie asked if it was hurting.

Patty said, “Not at all, It feels like I’m gonna pee.”

“Ah, it’s just now passing the first of your two urinary sphincters,” Junie explained, “That’s the way it’s supposed to feel. You won’t pee, it just feels that way.”

“It really feels quite nice.”

Once the tube was in, Junie explained how it could be hooked to a urine bag, and how there’s a balloon built into the end of the tube that can be filled with saline solution introduced with a syringe at the outside end of the catheter. That’s what keeps the catheter from slipping out. She then removed Patty’s catheter, at which point Jake rubbed Patty to a nice orgasm.

Meanwhile, Junie wanted to catheterize Jake. He was all for it. She put on the antiseptic, and started pushing the tube in. I couldn’t believe how far it had to go. She explained that there’s as much penis length buried inside a guy as what shows from the outside. Of course Jake was hard during the procedure, and enjoying it very much.

“Umm!’ he said as it slid through his sphincters. “That’s really something. It feels like you’re gonna pee, and it’s out of your control. Very nice!

After she got the tube all the way in him, Patty wondered what happens if a guy ejaculates with the tube inside. Junie said according to her understanding of male anatomy, it should work out just fine. Jake thought it was risky and was pretty sure he didn’t want to try it.

I volunteered, but first I catheterized Junie. With all the tubes she had been sticking into people, she, herself, hadn’t been catheterized yet, and I got the honors. I found it very exciting. My penis was waving around in front of everyone fully erect.

Now, it was my turn. Jake asked if he could ‘do’ me. That was fine with everyone including myself.

He put on gloves, then applied the antiseptic all over my crotch just like Junie had shown us. It was cold, but nice. Then he opened the lube applicator, a syringe without a needle, pushed the tip into my peehole, and squirted it in. That, in itself was unusual and delightful. I could feel my urethra bulge with the gel-like stuff going inside.

Next he took the catheter out of the pack, and pushed the tip into my penis. It went in about a half-inch easily, then stalled out. Junie explained that men have a slight constriction there. He gently pressed, and it popped on through. My, it felt good! I had the notion that I was being fucked. It was the first time the inside of my penis had ever been stimulated. It did sting just a little, but that didn’t particularly detract.

The tube went in, and in. Finally, it hit that first sphincter, and it really was a nifty feeling. The second sphincter, a half-inch later, felt just as good. Then the tube slid in a couple more inches easily.

I wanted to know about that retention business, so Junie grabbed a syringe, and squirted it into the far end of the catheter. I didn’t feel anything, but then she tugged slightly to make sure the balloon was going to keep the catheter from slipping out. That was such a fantastic gotta-pee feeling that I can’t even describe it. I asked her to tug several more times, just so I could feel it over and over again.

Jake had been chicken to try orgasming with the tube in, but I trusted that it would be OK. I asked Junie to jerk me off with the catheter in place. It only took her about ten strokes, until I ejaculated. On the first couple of pulses, nothing came out, I felt a sort of back pressure, like things were jammed up, and I got a little scared. But then it started oozing out around the tube. I could feel the inside of my penis contracting around the tube, and it was terribly exciting! The contractions lasted about twice as long as usual. All-in-all, it was one of the best orgasms of my life.

She deflated the balloon, and pulled the catheter out. That hurt, a rather strong stinging sensation.

That evening, and the next day, every time I peed, it really stung. I asked Jake if the same thing was happening to him, and he told me it stung, but only a little bit.

A couple of days later, I started feeling an itching sensation inside my dick. I had contracted an infection. Junie was quite worried, but it cleared up in about a week. It could have been much worse. Ever since, I’ve been afraid of urethral play.

So far as we could tell, no one in the college knew about what the four of us were doing. Oh, they had seen Jake stroll to the bathroom naked, and even saw me in the hallway naked a couple of times when I was feeling particularly bold. But I think they had no idea about what was happening in our room. Just as we had no idea whether anything like this was happening elsewhere on the campus.

That all changed the day that the door burst open. The four of us were playing in our dorm room, and we had forgotten to lock the door. Ronald Bricker had come to borrow Jake’s deck of cards, and as was the custom in the dorms during the day time, he just walked in, assuming it was OK.

Ronald is probably the biggest guy I know. He is on the football team. He’s not going to end up in the NFL, but in our small university, he’s the local star. He weighs a good bit, but it’s all muscle, as is evidenced by his thick neck. He’s the kind of guy who you’d assume is straight all the way.

It just so happened at that moment, that we were in various forms of intercourse, something we seldom did, since we enjoyed the masturbatory things so much. But I happened to be buttfucking Jake, while he was laying on top of Patty and fucking her. Junie was off to one side, just frigging herself. And all of that is what Ronald saw.

I think we were all horrified. That’s not the guy you want to discover you in such extremely personal circumstances.

Looking sheepish, he said, “Excuse me,” and started to back out.

Junie said, probably without thinking it through, “Oh, It’s OK Ron, come join us, if you’d like.”

We were kind of in a frozen tableau while Ronald just stood there, looking confused, or indecisive. I could almost feel his internal battle. Finally, he said, “Thank you,” came into the room, and closed the door.

It didn’t take him long to take his clothes off. It was probably easy for him, showering with the jocks every day, plus he probably had plenty of girlfriends to play with.

He was huge and surprisingly hairy, yet his penis, practically buried in a forest of dark curly hair, didn’t look like much at all.

Standing against the wall and watching us, as we started getting back into the rhythm of what we had been doing, he started touching himself, and pretty soon, he was erect and stroking away.

I had been wondering how he might fit in. Like would he like to fuck someone? Would he maybe like to be buttfucked? But no, all he did was watch us, jerk off, then cum, leaving some drips on the floor. Fortunately, that part of the floor wasn’t carpeted. Graciously, he grabbed some Kleenex, and mapped it up himself.

A moment later, he said “Thank you” again, and left.

After we were all done playing, we talked about our visitor.

“Like, what the fuck was that?”

“Is Ronald going to cause trouble for us?”

“He’ll probably blab it to everyone on the football team.”

For the next two days we were rather worried. Who was he going to tell? How would they react? We also figured he might not tell anyone, since he was involved, at least to the degree of being nude and masturbating in front of us.

Ronald texted Jake. He wanted to do it again. We were still a bit worried, but also delighted.

When Jake said “OK,” Ronald texted again. “Can I bring someone?”

Junie and I were in the room when that text came in, and we talked about it a bit. Who was he going to bring? We were wondering if it would be a guy or a girl. We were pretty sure, however, it would be a girl. Should we ask him?”

Jake said, “Why spoil the surprise?”

Talking it over some more, we decided that anyone he might want to bring must be cool with it, or he wouldn’t invite them. We also decided that it would be a fun surprise to find out who he would bring.

We arranged a session the next day at three o’clock. As the clock hit three, we were all quite excited. Part of it was that we were getting new blood. Whoever it was, guy or gal, would probably be a lot of fun.

At about two minutes after three, there was a knock at the door. I opened it, and standing there was a crowd! There was Ronald, plus two other really big guys, evidently more men from the football team. Also with them were two girls, who looked like they might be cheerleaders.

Dumbfounded for a few seconds, I said in a cheery voice, “Welcome!” because I was indeed delighted. We were going to have an orgy!

The room was crowded, with both chairs occupied and an assortment of people on each bed. All became naked within minutes, taking Jake’s lead. The entire floor in the little room was littered with clothing. Pretty soon, everyone was doing everyone. Interestingly, one of the football guys was buttfucking Ronald, and both seemed to be experienced in what they were doing. The girls that came with them didn’t mind. At various times the two new women were in lick fests with Patty and Junie, sucking their men’s dicks, frigging each other, or even giving me a great handjob.

At the end of the session, there were a lot of thank you’s from all the delighted new people.

When the new people left, Jake, Junie, Patty and I talked about what had happened. On the one hand we were delighted. On the the other, we were nervous. Word was going to get around, that was for sure.

We had another concern. The two guys buttfucking. They hadn’t used a condom. That was not good news. Evidently, the two of them had been doing it for a while, and whether they could catch something was ultimately their own concern, but we decided then and there that if people were going to come to this dorm room, there’d be no more penetrative sex.

And that’s what happened. Our little room became known as the ‘masturbatorium’ throughout the college. Over the course of the year, we probably hosted more than a hundred sex-crazed individuals, but never more than eight at a time. Everyone was well-mannered. Everyone respected our no-penetration rule. I think that’s because everyone had such a good time, that they didn’t feel a need to fuck. Jake started taking on the role of a kind of coach, or instructor. He seemed to get more of a kick out of guiding people in ways to have great orgasms than having them himself.

At the start of my second year, Junie had graduated and moved into an apartment shared with two other nurses. Jake had moved into an apartment with Patty, He had switched his major from music to psychology. He announced he was going to become a sex therapist.

He has continued developing his theories about sex and society. I feel he has a best-selling book in his future.

I didn’t move into an apartment. I had other plans.

I had the same room in the dorm, and a new roommate. His name was Jared. He was a rather shy fellow. When he first arrived, he was shocked to see me standing in the room, bare-ass naked.

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The Masturbatorium

Edited by Jeremy J. Watson

This was told to me by Paul, an older friend. With his permission, I recorded it on my iPhone, then typed it up, so you can read it. I’ve changed specific names and locations, and cleaned up the English a bit. It’s entirely true, by the way. I know, because I’ve been to his ‘club.’ My friend is delighted that I was willing to make his story public.

My beloved wife died way too young five years ago. I didn’t want to remarry. That’s just too much trouble in my experience. I’ve never really enjoyed being a monogamous guy, so it was difficult during our marriage. I’m also not so much of a sexual guy as you might think. Oh, I do love my orgasms, but not so much in the standard, fucking, sort of way.

At my age, you start caring less about what people think of you, and start realizing that if you don’t take certain actions, you’ll miss out. If you want to go to Europe, go to Europe! If you want to try square dancing, do it! Does it matter what your children say as long as you’re not adversely affecting them? Does it matter what members of your church think, if you’re hurting no one? What does matter is that you act with integrity, nothing else.

It took me a year to recover from Alice’s sudden death. Then, at the insistence of my daughter, I tried dating a few women. The ones younger than me were, in my opinion, just silly. The ones my age were too set in their ways.

One drank too much, another told tall tales, yet another seemed to be a hypochondriac.

To make a long story short, after making my best effort to get close to five different women, I was done trying.

One day I was looking at Casual Encounter ads on Craigslist, I was looking in the W4M category – women looking for men. I knew that was going to be fruitless, but just in case, the idea, or what you might call the fantasy of it, was intriguing.

The idea that I might get to have sex with a woman, but with no strings attached, seemed good to me. It was not different than my teen years, thirty years ago. Back then, too, I would have been happy to find a woman who didn’t expect a whole relationship just in order to get sexual. I know that’s counter to traditional thinking, but that’s what I wanted back then. Truth be told, that’s what I was wanting now, too.

I found a few women that seemed promising. One by one, they all flaked out after a flurry of emails when it became real. When we decided to actually meet up, suddenly they’d quit writing, or have a change of heart.

Just about giving up, one last woman popped up who really did seem like she might be right. She was my age. She was not particularly heavyset, and judging by her email she was intelligent and had a sense of humor.

In our email conversations, it came out that she was feeling just like me. Recently widowed, she didn’t want anything complex. She just wanted sex, and was happy to say so.

Too good to be true, right? Well, I invited her to dinner, expecting she’d be another drunk, too histrionic, a poverty case, or something undesirable. I was almost holding my breath when I met her in the restaurant. She was quite nice looking. Better than her picture. In the ad, she had posted a cheesy selfie wearing bra, panties, and a garter belt with the straps hanging loose. It made her look wide around the middle, which I would have been OK with. It turns out she wasn’t fat at all. Her hair was gray, but then, so was mine. She had sparkly blue eyes which did something to me. I immediately found her attractive.

We ate, and we talked. Despite my intentions not to bring up my ex-wife, I found myself going on and on about her. Liza kept bringing up her ex-husband, Lenny, so our score was about equal. I enjoyed hearing about the man. He seemed like quite a nice and successful guy. So, she wasn’t going to be trying to get money off of me.

I’m sensitive to that, because having made a small fortune through consumer software early in my life, I had to learn the hard way that most of my ‘friends’ are only trying to sell me something.

After dinner, I was having trouble bringing up an invitation to come to my place and get sexual. I mean, on a first date, especially if you’ve been out of practice, how do you say, “So, wanna fuck?”

While I was trying to think of an elegant way to bring that up, she asked me whether I found myself masturbating more since Alice died.

I’m sure my face turned red! That was just so direct. Oh, and the worst part is she asked that right in the restaurant with diners nearby.

Trying my best not to be flustered, I quietly said, “Let’s go on a walk.”

Liza was agreeable, and once out of earshot, I said, “Yes, I have been masturbating more after she died.”

Then I volunteered more information than perhaps I should have, “Like a teenager, I’ve been doing it once or twice a day.” Now, why did I add that?

Liza came back with, “Yes, that’s what’s been happening with me, also.”

I was relieved that we were on the same page.

She went on, “It’s not the same, though, is it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, to have someone not only in a sexual way, but someone you can share with, someone you can talk with, much like we’re doing right now, but someone you know really well and trust, well, that’s much better, don’t you think?”

“That almost sounds like marriage!”

She laughed. “And that’s what we’re trying to avoid, isn’t it?”

I laughed. “I guess so.”

Now, I was back to trying to figure out how to invite her to my place for some honest-to-goodness sex. I was starting to get horny, which I took as a good sign. It turns out I didn’t have to invite her.

“We were talking about masturbation…”

“Yeah?”

“Well, I’m more of a fan of masturbation than intercourse.”

Oh, my ship sunk, or so I thought.

“I mean, I like mutual masturbation.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Why don’t you come over to my place, and I’ll show you?” she asked.

“It’s refreshing to meet a woman who is clear on what she wants,” and I meant that will all my heart.

Twenty minutes later, we were at her apartment. It was a bit larger than typical, and housed a cream colored Berber carpet and a baby grand piano.

“Do you play?”

“When I was a kid, I wanted to be a concert pianist. Then something came over me, and I switched to roadhouse boogie.”

As she said that, she sat down at her piano and played some lovely, something. I don’t know what it was, but it was very lively and I liked it.

After a few minutes, she stopped, and said, “I supported myself with music, as a piano teacher, until Lenny came along.”

Still sitting at the bench, with her back turned to me, she took off her sweater. Then she started unbuttoning her blouse, and took that off. I saw her reach around her back, unfasten her bra, and that too, came off.

Liza then slowly turned around, and said, “You like?”

I felt a stirring in my pants, so I could truly say “Yes, very much.”

Her skin was slightly freckled down to the top of her boobs. From there, they became milky white, with large, dark nipples. They were maybe not quite as full as they had once been, and perhaps they hung a bit lower, but they were just fine in my eyes. I felt a desire to reach out and touch them.

Instead, I whipped off my shirt, showing her my white hair-covered chest, and said “You like?”

She laughed. Then she got up and started down a hallway, beckoning me to follow. We entered her bedroom, which had a king size bed.

Without thinking, I said, “You’ve been sleeping in that all alone since Lenny?”

“Yes.”

“What a shame.”

“I know. Paul, have we been missing out? I think we should have done this months ago. You know, get together through Craigslist.”

“Let’s not think about what might have been.”

“Agreed. Instead, lets see what happens next!”

We sat side by side on the edge of her bed. Kissing seemed like the right thing to do. Soon we were hugging close and French kissing. She seemed different to me. For a second I compared her to Alice, then put that out of my mind. I found kissing Liza felt rather natural, and nice.

I don’t recall the details, but soon all our clothes were strewn on her floor, and we were reclined on the bed, hugging close. My erection was solid, something I hadn’t had outside of masturbating for way too long. I liked that she shaved her crotch area. Actually, it didn’t seem shaved. I think she used laser or dipilated or something, because it was smooth and young looking.

In fact, her whole body was smooth and young looking. Something younger people don’t realize is that while an older person’s face and hands show age, the parts that are not usually exposed to the sun stay nice and young. Her ass was well toned, which I particularly like.

I guess my ass is nice too, probably because I like bike riding, tennis, and pickleball. I’m fairly athletic, and it shows. I keep my white hair and beard closely trimmed, so I’m not too bad looking. Liza seemed impressed, anyway.

She turned slightly, taking my hard penis gently in one hand. “Hmm, nice! I haven’t held one of these in quite a while,” she said.

“Hold it as long as you want.”

“Oh, thank you. I will!”

She instinctively started moving her hand up and down. “It’s circumcised. I like that.”

“It probably made me angry as a baby, but I’m over it.”

She laughed.

“Woah, there,” I practically yelled. I was getting close to orgasming already.

She understood and let go. She then started in on my balls. In all my life, no one had done what she was doing. Liza was very lightly massaging my testicles within my scrotum. It felt wonderful. Not orgasmic, for which I was thankful, but nice in its own right. She started massaging more and more firmly, pressing on both testicles, one in each hand, between her thumbs and first two fingers. She was wiggling them back and forth slightly. My penis was straining at its hinges, getting ready to erupt again.

I had to ask her to stop for a minute, then I wanted her to resume just as much.

She did, with ever increasing pressure.

“Let me know when it becomes too much.”

Oh, a challenge, now that’s my language.

She kept squeezing harder. It was becoming difficult to take, yet still pleasurable. Finally, it was starting to hurt, so I told her to let off a little.

That’s exactly what she did. She let off just a little, expertly continuing to massage my balls at the point just below which they’d hurt. I was getting ready to ejaculate again, and so asked her to stop.

She teased me by going on for about five more seconds. That was close to being a mistake, but it worked out.

I decided that while I was calming down, it was time to attend to Liza. Knowing that Alice loved massages, I started in on a backrub for Liza. Having her lay on her belly, I worked on her shoulders, her neck, the back of her head, and the top of her head. She seemed to enjoy it.

She found some massage oil in her nightstand drawer, and I continued the massage, using that, and realizing she probably used that oil to masturbate. I massaged her shoulders, upper arms, lower arms, and then her hands. She very much liked the hand massage, and let me know.

Turning around on the bed, I then did her feet, ankles, calves, and the back of her thighs. I was wondering whether it would be appropriate to touch her ass. Then I realized, this is the woman who brought me to the point just short of orgasm three times already. She held my totally erect cock in her hands. And my balls too. Of course I should touch her ass.

I massaged her ass, kneading the glutes good and firmly. In the process, her buttocks opened up momentarily a few times, and I saw her asshole. I have a weakness for assholes and hers was one of the best I had ever seen. It was dark, much darker than the rest of her skin, small, and puckered with radial lines running out about an inch in all directions.

Thinking she might like it, and not being able to resist, I repositioned her feet in such a way that her anus was better exposed. Using a liberal amount of oil, I just touched my finger to the very top of her butt crack, and slowly, and very lightly moved down toward her anus. Finally reaching that, I continued on past, to the point between anus and vagina. I repeated that stroke slowly and lightly several times.

Her response? “Mmm, nice!”

Feeling it was the right thing to do, I was now pressing ever so slightly into the hole on each stroke. In a moment, I stopped stroking, and just placed my forefinger against her asshole itself, leaving it there, unmoving for a moment. She shivered in delight. Ever so slowly, I started pressing inward, with a slight twisting motion. Soon, I was in to the first knuckle.

“Alright?” I asked.

“Very alright!”

She repositioned herself so her ass was even more available to me, and wiggled against my finger, indicating she wanted more. I eventually got it all the way in. Noticing that she was so fine with that, I slowly withdrew that finger, then went back in with two fingers. Once they were all the way in, I curled them forward, pressing against her A-spot.

“Woah, Paul! That’s just too good, but I don’t want to orgasm yet.”

I was thinking it was time to fuck, but there was a problem. I hadn’t brought any protection. Knowing how straight-forward Liza seemed to be, I figured it would be OK to ask her.

“Do you have any protection?”

“Paul, you told me earlier that you were married for 22 years, right?”

“Right.”

“Did you have any extramarital affairs?”

“No, never.”

“Neither did I. And, I’m too old to get pregnant.”

“Right.”

We jumbled around on the bed a bit until I was laying on top of her. I was all set to enter, except for one thing. My penis had gone soft. Now, you’d think it would be as hard as a rock when getting ready to fuck a desirable woman, but I’ve always been like that. The first time, I get performance anxiety.

She said, “Come here.”

She turned around on the bed, and put my penis in her mouth. It turned out that she’s an expert with blowjobs, and got me hard in about sixty seconds.

Turning around again, with me back on top, I entered her easily. Well, sort of. I had to put some massage oil on, because she wasn’t particularly flowing with juice. She admitted that she wasn’t like these Asian chicks that have so much pussy juice that they wet the bedsheets.

So, I popped into her, and we started doing the thing, As I was getting close, I noticed she had a way to go yet, so I suggested we break, and shift positions.

We went with her on top for a while, but she was still a ways off. It was time for my secret weapon. I learned it with Alice and it almost always worked.

I had Liza get on the bed on all fours. On her hands and knees. She was like “What?”

“Trust me.”

I got behind her and entered her from behind, keeping the bottle of oil within reach. Once we got going, I put some oil on my finger, and pressed it into her ass again. That did the trick! We managed a nearly simultaneous orgasm.

We collapsed in an exhausted heap on her bed and fell asleep. Around midnight I woke and started getting ready to head home. Sleepily, she said she’d prefer that I stay. I was honored.

We saw each other again two days later. I had been thinking about her comments about mutual masturbation being better, or almost better – I forgot her exact words – than intercourse, and was building up a healthy curiosity about that.

We went out to dinner again, and this time we went to my house. She was impressed. I guess most people don’t get to see eighteen-room houses with a built-in swimming pool.

We started talking earnestly about sex. I really liked that. It felt like an especially nice freedom. This ease of talking about sex may have been because as one ages, one can become more honest about many things. Or, maybe it was just the way Liza is, that she is comfortable talking about sex. Alice never really was.

I brought up the business of masturbation being better than fucking. She wanted to demonstrate. I was all for that.

We played a game of strip blackjack in my bedroom, just for fun. I lost. The rule was that when one loses all clothing, on the next round, the still-clothed person gets to do whatever he or she wants to the naked one. I was doubtful, but realized Liza would never hurt me or do something against my wishes.

I lost again. She told me to lay on the bed, face up.

I complied. My penis was soft. She went into the bathroom, and came out with a single sheet of toilet paper. I wondered what she was planning. It didn’t take long to find out.

Holding that sheet by a corner, she dangled the other corner over my dick. At first, she waved it back and forth a half-inch above my dick. Watching her action, the anticipation was killing me. She ever so slowly lowered the toilet paper until the bottom corner was just touching the hairs on my scrotum.

What an interesting feeling! It kind of tickled, but was much nicer. My scrotum involuntarily shrank up a bit, then relaxed. After a few seconds, she did it again. My penis was hardening nicely. She stroked that sheet over my scrotum several more times, before running it up along the base of my penis. My dick jumped a half-inch. She did it again, and my penis jumped again.

In time, she worked up to stroking that sheet over the frenulum area of my penis, that part that’s a little fold of skin just below the glans. Oh my god, that was amazing. My penis jumped every time. In itself, this treatment wasn’t orgasmic, but it was certainly pleasant.

After carrying on like that for a while, she put down the sheet of toilet paper, and put a drip of massage oil on her fingertip. She then swirled it ever so lightly around my peehole. My gosh, this woman was an expert!

Finally, she started stroking me up and down, instructing me to let her know when I was getting close to ejaculating. I kind of knew she was going to do some edging, and I was all for it.

She did bring me to the brink of orgasm several times, and finally I went over the edge, with an ejaculation so strong some of it hit my chin. I was surprised. I hadn’t ejaculated that hard since I was in my twenties.

Now it was her turn. I felt inadequate in the technique department, but thought I might as well go ahead and experiment.

I had her lay face up on the bed, and instead of going right to her vagina, I started on those delicious nipples of hers, stroking a single massage oil covered finger from each hand around her dark areolae. After a while, I lightly drew my fingers directly over her very hardened nipples, one forefinger on each nipple.

After that, I lightly massaged her breasts. She didn’t get as much out of that, so then I moved on to the main attraction.

Starting with the very lightest touch I could imagine, I stroked her inner labia, eventually getting more involved in actually handling them. Covered in massage oil as I was, it was difficult to pull her labia out, but I was able to pull and separate them a little with my fingers slipping off from time to time.

Liza’s very anatomy made that easier. She’s one of those girls with large inner labia that stick partially out. You probably know that some women show nothing but a slit when they stand in front of you. Their inner labia are small, and inside. Others have larger ones that hang out. She was of the latter group. They were also tantalizingly darkly pigmented, which I found particularly attractive.

Liza probably thought my next move would be to stroke her clit, but I had a better idea. I started by placing a single finger inside her vagina, then two. My palm was upturned, so when I curled the fingers forward, they touched her G-spot. I just kept rubbing for a while, and she started struggling to maintain her composure. She was shivering all over, and arching her back. Suddenly, she shouted, much louder than I would have expected, “Oh, fuck!” delivering a crashing orgasm that lasted a full minute.

After letting her calm down, I asked if she wanted more. I knew that some women can have multiple orgasms, and some, no so much.

On this ocasion, at least, she was done.

Life went on, and Liza and I became close. Very close. Initially, we had agreed that we were to be friends with benefits only. We seemed to have passed that stage early on.

On subsequent occasions, we fooled around with other techniques. That’s one of the things I really liked about her. She liked experiments, unlike Alice, who I must admit, had been a stick in the mud, by comparison. At the time, I thought sex with Alice had been good. Oh, what I had been missing out on!

Liza would do things to me like lift and hold my penis by the frenulum. She’d pinch it between her thumb and forefinger, and just pull up for a while. I had no idea that would feel like anything. In fact, it is so good one can ejaculate, just from being held like that for a while.

As if that wasn’t good enough, she had another trick in which she’d just pull what was left of my foreskin down as far as it would go and hold it like that. It kind of hurt a bit, but felt so good overall that I’d sometimes cum from that.

She wanted me to do things like stick things in her urethra. I had no idea women would like that. Well, she didn’t care for a Q-tip when we tried that. She said it stung the next day when she peed. But ballpoint pens, she loved! One time, we took the guts out of a Bic pen, and I carefully pressed that a couple of inches into her. Suddenly, urine gushed out. She said the feeling of having to pee when I pressed it in was remarkable.

Some experiments didn’t work as well as others. For instance, one time we decided it would be fun if I could cum into her urethra. She held her vagina open, I stroked myself, pushed my dick hard against her peehole while I ejaculated. All it did was spill out around the opening. It was still a fun experiment.

We even tried some more intense things. She wanted to be vaginally and anally fisted. We didn’t manage either. Or I should say, we haven’t managed it yet. She likes trying, and one of these days, I might actually make it all the way in. She tried fisting me, too, but only got as far as four fingers. Interestingly, once you get past two, your anus no langer says ‘ouch’ and craves more and more cramming. Who knew?

One of my favorites is something she read about called “glans blame” in Japan, otherwise known as “apple polishing,” or “rosy palm” in the United States. The idea is a man is tied down so he can’t get away, and his partner starts rubbing the tip of his erect dick with the palm of a hand. This is super-intense, causing the man to squirm all over the place with a most unbearable tickle-like sensation. He has to be held down, or be very self-disciplined, or he’ll wiggle out from under it.

Strangely, it is more intense with oil than without.

In time, the feeling transmutes to something like a ‘gotta-pee’ combined with ‘gonna-cum’ feeling, but neither happens. The man is just in a delicious, ongoing pre-ejaculatory state for minutes or longer.

She did it to me, and the first time, I backed out right away. A week later, she did it again, and although it was very difficult, I stuck it out until it transmuted. After that, I just loved it.

On that occasion, we followed it with what we called the ‘tantric’ experience. What we did is pretty far removed from the Indian concept of tantra. In our version, you simply don’t cum. You enjoy a session that doesn’t end in ejaculation, or in the case of women, it’s without orgasm. You leave, charged up and happy. Well, sometimes it is sort of frustrating not to cum, but you do stay charged up. That part is rather amazing. It seems you have more energy the rest of the day, things smell better, colors are brighter, and you even seem more intelligent. Go figure! She and I have played with the tantric idea a lot.

One day, Liza and I were talking about our experiences, and thought it was too bad the whole world didn’t know what we knew. The discussion evolved over days and somehow the idea came to us that we should open a ‘masturbatorium.’

We certainly didn’t need the money, but opening a commercial venue seemed to be right for this idea. We started talking about it as if it was something we were really going to do.

As if! I mean, who could really be that bold? It would be hugely controversial, right?

One afternoon, we were talking about it with my son. He’s gotten used to frank sexual talk from me and Liza, and seems approving. He really likes Liza, and I’m glad. Currently living almost a hundred miles away, and also working in the software field, he doesn’t visit often, but when he does, he brightens in Liza’s company.

We told him about our thoughts on the masturbatorium, and he cheered us on, telling us that he’d gladly be a customer of such a place.

Over another month or two, Liza and I kept coming back to the idea. We started working out details. Like, it would be for masturbatory activities only. Since it was the general public we were talking about, we couldn’t allow any penetration of anything other than fingers into other people’s bodies. Mutual masturbation would be OK. In fact, that would be the focus. We’d offer courses on anything from massage to glans blame. We’d provide a cozy atmosphere, with sofas, beds, chairs, thick carpeting, video displays showing porn, showers, a hot tub, lockers, maybe even a ping pong table.

It would be a club that all adults would be encouraged to join.

We decided we needed to do some research. Since my house is big, this became where we started our experimentation. First, we invited Liza’s brother who expressed an interest in our mastubatorium idea. He was reluctant when we invited him, but decided it would be ‘fun.’

That night, in my main living room, Liza, I, and her brother gathered under subdued lighting, with quiet music in the background, composed and recorded by Liza. Liza and I took our clothes off right away, so he’d be comfortable doing the same. It took him a good half-hour to get used to his nudity in front of us, especially his own sister, but he did. No one touched anyone else that night. We each did ourselves, and all three of us had very nice orgasms.

Next, we wanted more people. I invited my daughter, her husband, my son, and his wife. I have to tell you, when we first explained the masturbatorium to them, they thought we were nuts. It took the four of them a week to settle down, and while they were reluctant, they did want to support our research. I didn’t think it would actually happen, but we did get all of them in my living room, and jerking off together. Ultimately, the two young couples masturbated their own spouses. And that’s probably the way it should be. There may have been issues if they had started in on the other one’s spouse.

It is a strange as a father to see your own children being masturbated. In general, I was proud of them for being the open-minded, and sensible children I raised. I was also happy to see them so sexually confident and satisfied.

The evening ended well, with them thanking us for ‘sparking up their sex lives’ and complimenting our masturbatorium idea.

Next, we placed an ad on Craigslist. The day of the event, we had eleven other people in my house, nine men, and only two women. That’s when we realized we’d have to skew our advertising and publicity toward women.

On Friday the 13th, we opened our masturbatorium. Liza’s daughter, unemployed with an unfortunately useless masters degree in English literature, became the club’s manager. When we proposed that to her, she laughed, saying manager or not, she’d be the club’s happiest member. Her younger brother became primary usher and head of maintenance.

Despite a moderate amount of newspaper advertising, we had few clients the first month. Fortunately Liza and I didn’t need the money. We had plenty to pay our fourteen employees even if no one came in. On the really slow days, we told the employees they could take off their clothes and partake of the facilities.

One slow evening we witnessed Liza’s son and daughter giving each other orgasms. We talked about it, and decided that it was a good thing.

Our biggest concern was government or public disapproval. After all, this was a highly controversial idea. In the minds of some, it might seem similar to a whore house.

To combat that, we made it very sex-positive, stating that masturbation is good for health, that we were promoting healthy social interaction, nothing of an unsavory nature was allowed, and that we were all about personal growth, pointing out our positive body image awareness classes, massage classes, and so on.

There was no need to worry. Whereas we did get some negative reviews, they only raised public curiosity. Surprisingly, we got lots of good press. One night, the mayor and her husband attended. The next day’s headline was “Mayor Attends Masturbatorium.” That was a turning point.

Now, on any given night, we’ll have up to sixty customers. We keep the rooms warm so people are comfortable unclothed. Whereas people can wear anything they want, at least ninety percent of our customers wear nothing. You might see a mixed-sex naked foursome at the ping pong table. One of the guys will be playing while his erection waves around, unnoticed, in front of him. You’ll see a half-dozen people in the open showers, and another half-dozen in the hot tub.

The hot tub is a special case. We use intense ultra-violet and electronic sterilization of the water, and filter a large quantity every minute. That thing cost us a small fortune, but we feel it was worth the expense.

You’ll see a woman stretched out on a sofa holding a vibrator to her clit while conversing with another woman sitting in a chair rubbing herself. You’ll see a husband and wife frigging each other. You’ll see independent guys just watching the action, and walking around with hardons, idly stroking themselves. You’ll see a guy giving an exquisite handjob to his buddy. You’ll see a guy in front of the videos, having a crashing ejaculation. And so on!

We’re going to start opening branches. We have to, because our masturbatorium is filled to capacity every weekend evening, and many weekday evenings as well.

We are getting kind of evangelistic about masturbation as a way to solve many of society’s problems from real ills like high blood pressure to social pressure. If people would masturbate more, there’d be fewer unwanted pregnancies, fewer cases of disease, and I think most people would be better psychologically adjusted. I think we should eventually open a branch location in every community in the country, if not the world.

We’ll need branch managers. Managers will get the usual fringe benefits, plus on slow days they can mingle with the guests and partake of the facilities. What about you? Are you looking for a new line of work?